A Good Husband
Marriage Advice From A Man
Romance? What is Romance?
Author: Cory H.9 Feb
Last week’s free flower giveaway was a bit of an eye opener for me. When I asked men to leave their most romantic story, I was surprised that so many of the answers were so…not romantic. Initially, I thought it was just me, but then my wife commented on it after reading the entries…then a friend of mine was like, “Dude, the guys who read your blog are totally not romantic. Guess that’s why they think you can help them, huh?”
At first, I was a little offended at my friend’s insinuation, but after some thought I was like, “Well, Cory, you started this site because you thought it could be a resource.” So…yeah, I guess there are quite a few guys out there who have no idea that men & women think different things are romantic.
Men see romance as a task to complete.
Is it true? Many of the comments on that post were about the way that men proposed to their wives. A few were about what they did for their wives before they were married. I can’t be sure, but I don’t think any of the stories occurred within the last 2 - 3 years.
Is romance a list of set procedures? Can you maximize the return on investment of a romantic gesture and calculate out what you can get with the least amount of effort? I am guessing that any women reading this are repelled just by the idea of that last sentence.
Romance as relationship maintenance.
Responsible men know that they need to get their car serviced. You change the oil every 5000 miles, put gas in, and get the brakes checked. Romance is the equivilant of relationship maintenance. Take your wife out for a date, bring her a gift for no reason, praise her regularly, and touch her lovingly. Regular romance is better than any single gesture of love over time.
Last week, when I asked for a story of the most romantic thing you’ve done for your wife, perhaps I did you all a bit of a disservice by putting attention on that singular event. Attention should really be paid to what are you doing now?
What does ongoing romance mean to you?
My Wife is into Turkey Porn
Author: Cory H.21 Oct
I am all for being green. I love the beauty of the environment, and I definitely think that farmer’s market food is better than the under-ripe stuff you buy at the supermarket chains. Other than that though, I’m not much of an environmentalist.
My wife, on the other hand, is totally into the whole, organic, slow cooked, home garden movement…thing. She’s even reading this book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle:
Where does the Turkey Porn part come in? She was reading this book and wanted to share something with me. I was engrossed in something else (probably writing for this blog), and wasn’t listening. She insisted, and after a while, I gave in and listened. She then went on to read, from the book, about how Barbara Kingsolver tried to get her turkeys to have sex. It was a mystery to her as to why they wouldn’t breed, and she described, in great detail, trying to get the turkeys in every sort of…um, well, position, that she could think of.
Apparently five years ago there were no turkey sex manuals available. Of course, now there are turkey sex manuals all over.
We were both laughing so hard that it hurt.
Lesson? Be interested in what your spouse is interested in, even if it’s just in passing. These are the moments that make for great memories.
Neanderthal Macho Men and Why We Should Euthanize Them
Author: Cory H.4 Sep
You know exactly who I’m talking about. I might be a little bit late to the game talking about this, but internet interruptions aside (I just moved and my connection in the new place is spotty at best until Monday, but I digress), I had to take a moment to respond to some of the morons that commented on Derek Semmler’s fantastic post on 8 Tips for More Action in the Bedroom.
It’s not what you think. Most articles with titles like these end up in magazines like Men’s Health or Maxim, and the articles are about getting vapid, shallow little girls to sleep with vapid, shallow little you. Derek’s not like that. He wrote an eye popping title for a post that basically amounted to saying something like, “Treat your wife like you love her, pay attention to what she likes in bed, and she’ll respond better than you think.” Many men know this. I thought most men knew this.
Boy, was I wrong.
Derek’s post hit the front page of Digg.com, which means he had about a zillion visits to that post in an hour, and while most of the female comments were pretty positive, it seems as though every cretin on the Internet found his way to the comment section and decided to let all of us know why the feminist movement started in the first place.
Take this comment for instance:
Apparently a man has to club a woman over the head and drag her by her hair back to his cave in order to be a real man. Wait, I thought that ended with Neanderthals. If these are the people who use Digg, then I don’t need their traffic.
And, finally:
It’s guys like these that give the rest of the good men in the world a bad name. Good husbands everywhere should feel angry about these men. Perhaps if we could just find them, drag them into the street and …well, not euthanize them, but just educate them, the world would be a better place.
On the other hand, I don’t think we get anywhere good by comparing and competing. 10 hours more housework? Well, that’s just asking to be reminded of just how much other work a husband does, too.
We each have different roles to play. But when there’s love between two people, you learn to stop counting the chores and favors. That post IS great, in that it encourages men to give not only money and things, but also time and thought. Sometimes it takes that reminder.
But the title is the real problem. It marginalizes the roles by implying that her expressions of love are won by playing the game her way. Tit for tat. Favors for sex. It’s attention-grabbing. I really wouldn’t expect that post to make the front page of Digg with a more accurate/tame title. But don’t be surprised when it grabs the attention of the wrong sorts of people. Though, getting this message out to those sort of men is a noble cause.
The best comment on that post? Here it is:
“If you need this article, you have never had sex a second time with any woman.”
I sort-of agree that the original article was more about showing your wife you care, but that in itself can lead to more (or better) sex, so the list was quite accurate and gave good advice.
In plenty of relationship books, tapes, DVDs for women, they always say that if we want more emotional connection, help around the house, etc, we need to be having more sex. It’s not that sex bothers us, or it’s not great, but you better believe that if afterward we catch you doing the dishes, you’re gonna get it A LOT more often! So in a sense, we do work on a trade, and YES you do need to work with us.
And if listening to us talk, or heaven forbid taking out the trash, maybe those types of “macho” men should dish out hundreds of dollars to catch some STD from a hooker, just don’t bring it back home!
It’s not so much the housework, as what it represents.
@Cory, this was HYSTERICAL.
“…the articles are about getting vapid, shallow little girls to sleep with vapid, shallow little you.”
I just can’t believe that you’re calling Randy Savage a Neanderthal Macho Man…oh wait…nevermind.
I think that there is a growing group of men, including you and me, that are trying to educate and enlighten the men that act like this through the words on our blogs. As a father, I work hard to educate both of my boys as well to ensure that they learn how to treat a woman and have a healthy relationship with the love of their life.
Thanks again Cory!