A Good Husband
Marriage Advice From A Man
How to Fight Over Money
Author: Cory H.19 Feb
Have an income that’s too low. The surest way to fight over money is not have any. When the major source of stress in your life is not being able to pay your bills, it’s a guarantee that you will fight over how the money you do have is spent. I remember when we were both in college and there were many times that we didn’t have enough to cover our bills. We were forced to make choices like, “Do we pay rent, buy groceries, or make a car payment? We can’t do all three.”
Solution: Get a better job. Seriously. That’s what did it for us. I graduated from college, got a job, and we don’t struggle for basic needs any more.
Spend more than you earn. This is an insidious habit that many people struggle with. It was easy, up until about 9 months ago, to take on more house, more car, and more credit card debt than you could afford. Now that loan requirements have tightened up it’s more difficult to get a mortgage or car loan, but it’s still relatively easy to rack up credit card debt. Steve Martin & Amy Poehler know all about not buying stuff you can’t afford.
Solution: Use credit cards only in an emergency, pay cash for most things, and make a budget.
Keep secrets. This one applies especially to couples. Often one person in the relationship has made a purchase that they know the other would not be okay with, so they endeavor to cover it up. The pay for it in cash, or they tell their partner it was something else when the credit card statement comes. The problem becomes critical when the spending begins to interfere with the ability to pay the bills and put food on the table. If there’s no easy way to figure out where the money is going, then the problem just gets worse. This problem is often associated with drug, gambling, infidelity, and alcohol problems.
Solution: Allow each other open access to bank account and credit card info. Discuss finances often and make goals together. Hold each other accountable on a regular basis, and it becomes harder to keep secrets.
Ignore your budget. It doesn’t do any good to make a budget each month if you don’t actually stick to it. This was a problem that I had early in my marriage. It takes discipline and that’s something that I lacked when it came to money. It has to be learned. Just because you want something in the moment doesn’t mean you should throw out your plans. Decide you are going to save for it and then purchase it after you have the money.
Solution: My wife and I started paying for everything in cash. We took all our money out of the bank each month and put it into envelopes marked Rent, Groceries, Car Payment, etc. It worked. We only carried around money that we had allotted as spending money, and when that was gone, there was nothing to spend.
Ignore your bills. Something I still struggle with, even though I’m much more financially solvent. There’s a certain element of growing up that is required here. My wife would get upset at me in past because there would be a stack of unopened mail on my desk because I knew that they were bills and I didn’t want to pay them.
Solution: When a bill comes, pay it. If you can’t pay it, call them and make arrangements. Then continue paying them. Most creditors are pretty reasonable and are willing to work with you to make the payments.
How Money Will Bless Your Marriage
Author: Cory H.3 Feb
As I advance further in my career, I am amazed at how a rising socioeconomic status changes my perspective. When I was first married we fought about money. We were young, poor, and in college. There was a lot of pressure to make ends meet.
Fast forward a few years and what a difference. Of course we’re not spectacularly wealthy, but I make a comfortable living. Today I was reflecting on what money means to my marriage.
Physical Comfort. Giving plasma to pay for groceries is no way to live at all. We live in a clean apartment with enough space. We eat enough, drink enough, and can afford health insurance. Our material needs are taken care of. What a blessing it is to know that my wife is comfortable…and that I no longer have to stick a needle in my arm to pay for it.
Less Mental Stress. G.B. Shaw said that the greatest sin is poverty. One of the worst things about being poor is the constant fear of where the next month’s rent is going to come from. That fear causes people to exercise poor judgement sometimes. When I am stressed I tend to lash out. Having a little extra money gives you the ability to say no, or to make a third choice where before there might have been only two.
Better Service. With more wealth comes more ability to serve. If you are always looking for a buck, your focus is not on how you can help others. If you have more than you need, you can give to those who don’t. This brings greater fulfillment in life, and thus more happiness in marriage.
Better Marital Skills. Ever attended a marital retreat? How about therapy or counseling? Read a self help book or listened to a tape? Chances are, if you’re poor, you won’t have these opportunities. Education brings opportunity and skill that you can’t acquire otherwise.
What do you think? How has money blessed your marriage? How do you think money will bless your marriage?
Also, don’t forget to enter the contest to send free flowers to your special one on Valentine’s Day!
Times of Uncertainty
Author: Cory H.30 Sep
Image courtesy of sweepdaleg.wordpress.com
Over the last few days I have been watching the news intently. I have had a keen interest in the financial situation and whether or not Congress would approve the proposed bailout plan. With the failure of the bailout plan yesterday, there is a great deal of uncertainty in the market, and many people are wondering where to go.
I was discussing it with my wife last night and over the weekend. She expressed some concern over the market and wondering what it means for our lives. I have many of the same concerns. I told her it would be okay. I wondered to myself, however, if it really would be.
Without taking away from stay at home mothers, single mothers, or any other family situation I laud those men who are sole providers for their families. It’s not easy. There’s a great deal of career pressure when you are the provider. It’s times like these that test men and force them to stand up and be accounted for. Many men are wondering:
How will I lead my family in times of uncertainty?
How can I reassure my wife that things will be fine?
Will I still have my job a year from now, and if not, how will I provide for my family?
What will I teach my children about the economy, about money and credit? Do I understand it myself?
Hats off to those men who tackle these questions head on without burying their head in the sand. Hats off to those men who reach out to help not only their own families, but those around them as well.
Men, what do you think? How do you answer these questions? What other questions do you have in this time of uncertainty?
Get Out of Debt
Author: Cory H.24 Jun
Image courtesy of HugeDebt.comI paid off all of my debts but my car loan and student loan yesterday.
It’s important to be debt free. In a society where it’s so easy to succumb to credit card debt, sub-prime mortgages, and nothing down financing, you can easily be enslaved by debt.
Yes, I said enslaved. If you are forced to make certain decisions - staying at your current dead end job, not going to school, skipping meals, or buying sub-par food simply because you can’t keep up with your debt payments, then you are a slave to your money.
You owe it to your wife, your kids, and yourself to get out of debt. You may think you can handle it, that you’ll always make enough money to handle the situation, but statistics dictate otherwise. At my job as a sales manager, I’ve recently hired four people who are 15 years older than me. They have tons of experience, but a couple of them have taken a step down in pay simply because that’s where the economy is right now.
I’m not an expert at personal finances, but here’s a list of resources that I have used to get myself out of the hole that I dug for myself, and planned for the future.
Frugal Dad - Lifehacks for the ultra frugal, if you are really strapped for cash and need ways to save some cash, but don’t know where to get started, then visit Frugal Dad. He’s got a ton of great suggestions.
Evaluate your financial situation with David Bach’s book, Smart Couples Finish Rich. (not an affiliate link) Three years ago my wife and I created our own financial plan, and we’ve more or less stuck to it. But for those student loans (I’m consolidating - check out student loan debt consolidation), we’re so close to being debt free now I can taste it. You can also visit his website for tons of useful planning information.
Start planning for your future by getting inspired. I first read Think and Grow Rich when I was a Freshman in college. What an amazing book. There’s a methodology to the way that so many people have become incredibly wealthy. Google has the entire text indexed.
@anonymous - I’m not sure what you’re asking. Is a mortgage debt? Yes. Do I think it’s a good idea to go into debt to buy a home? Perhaps. Most people can’t afford a house without a loan, so a mortgage is necessary.
I think there are three good things to go into debt for: a house, college, and (if you really need it) a car.
WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!
Congratulations! You are so right that debt gets in the way of truly living your life!
Another one that is absolutely fantastic is The Simple Dollar.com. Trent can be a little long-winded, but he is a very good writer and has a lot of original topics.
Getting out of debt and staying out of debt is a core principal in life. Another one is liquidity. Being somewhat liquid goes right along with being out of debt.
Just look at the housing economy in the U.S. It’s in shambles! Real Estate sellers and consumers got too greedy with their mortgages.
One thing I learned a while back is that money saved is more valuable than money earned. I remind myself of this every weekend when I mow my lawn. I’ve been tempted to hire someone to do it for me but the money I save doing it myself can be thought of as tax free earnings. In essence I pay myself each week to mow my own lawn and those earnings are not taxed. Kind of a cool way to think about it.
Here’s a tip for dealing with high gas prices. Invest in oil stocks. It takes $500 to open a Scottrade account and they have lots of information to help you get started.
With oil continuing to soar it’s more than compensated for the difference at the pump.
Thanks for this information.
Student Loan+Girl in Asia