I don’t know exactly what happened in the last few months, but I’ve been reading a lot of chatter from various male bloggers that I admire. We’re getting tired of the ridiculous advertising pushed on the American man. Perhaps it was the Superbowl ads and their pandering to neanderthal men.

How many men are there that are just sick and tired of it? We are MEN, not beer swilling, breast staring buffoons who have been whipped into submission by our nagging wives. Most of us are intelligent, capable, loving husbands and fathers (except me - I’m not a father). Why do these ads not target our demographic?

Are you one of those guys that agrees with me? In the last month I’ve had conversations with several of them. I’d love to hear your agreement in the comments.

Brett McKay from Art of Manliness told me that he’s focusing on working with small advertisers who are responsive to the interests of more enlightened men (read: most of us).

Ben Martin from The Father Life told me he has reams of data showing that men are more interested in advertisements that don’t make men look dumb.

I recently read this post from Natural Papa where he talks about the need to focus on the good things men are doing.

I know Tyler Wainright from Building Camelot agrees with me.

So here, the question:

What the heck are we going to do about it? Is there an organization that we can all join to help advertisers wake up? Do we form our own?

The only way that these companies are going to change is if we make if financially feasible for them to do so. Why don’t we all just raise a big stink? How about something like a Blog Carnival about advertising to men and what modern men are now (and what we’re not)?

What do you think guys? (this was cross-posted at CoryHuff.com)

A Good Husband is participating in the live Tweetup at Portland Center Stage tonight.  If you want to know what’s going on, head on over to Twitter.com and follow me on Twitter.

Search the #apollo hashtag to see what others are saying.  I am, of course, doing this with my dear wife. 

Don Draper is the lead character from Mad Men - the hit Emmy Award winning show on AMC.  Don is smooth, good looking, and rich.  He’s also got a strange take on what being married means.

Not talking can lead to adultery. Don won’t talk to his wife about anything.  Instead, he visits his mistress Midge and tells her everything.  We get the impression that because he feels comfortable talking to her, he then feels comfortable having sex with her.  Everyone needs someone to trust, and if it’s not going to be your wife, it’s going to end up being someone.

Being a good provider does not mean you’re a good husband. Don is wealthy and he can afford many of the finer things in life.  He buys his wife beautiful clothes, jewelry, and a big house - but he doesn’t show her any love and she is stunningly unhappy.

Not trusting your wife can make you eat crow. When Don’s boss makes a pass at his wife and Don walks in the room just in time to see the awkward silence, he blames her for flirting with his boss.  The next day, Don is surprised by his boss apologizing for being inappropriate.

Chivalry is not the same as care. In the pilot episode, Don chastizes Pete Campbell for acting like an unmannered pig to Peggy.  He then goes home and ignores his wife.  While he’s seldom rude to her, Betty is unhappy in their marriage because he doesn’t show her he cares.

Working too much estranges you from your kids. Don’s daughter has a bad dream and jumps into bed with her family.  Later, he mentions to Betty that their daughter seems to cry a lot.  Betty looks at him strangely and tells him that no, she doesn’t.

Don’t spy on your wife. Don is paying for his wife to visit a psychologist.  He’s also calling the psychologist regularly and forcing him to tell Don everything about their sessions, without telling Betty that he’s doing it.  Later he uses the information that he gets from those sessions to insult and deride her.

Lack of love makes your wife ill. Don doesn’t show much affection for his wife.  He doesn’t talk to her about much of anything.  Betty has the shakes.  There’s not anything physically wrong with her.  She decides to see a psychologist, but the audience is meant to know that she’s supressing feelings of frustration and guilt over her marriage.

Not supporting your wife causes her to lie to you. Don kills Betty’s budding modeling career when he turns down a job offer with a bigger ad agency.  Instead of fighting for the ad agency to keep Betty as the model for the new Coca Cola campaign, he just lets it go.  Betty tells him later that she has decided not to model anymore, but she’s hiding a deep hurt that she was let go from the campaign.

Don’t have private lunches with female clients. Don has a private lunch with his client Rachel at the behest of his boss.  Then he has another one, and another.  Before you know it, she’s fallen in love with him, and he’s enamored of her.  She rebuffs him because she knows that he’s married, but he is insistent, which leads to the next point.

Your wife should be the person you turn to first…and last. Don has a rather rough night when his boss has a heart attack and he has to cover for the affair that his boss was having.  He calls his wife to tell her what happened, but she’s away on a trip.  She asks if he wants her to come home, but he declines, saying there’s nothing she can do.  Don gets drunk and shows up at Rachel’s apartment and they sleep together.

Check out the ABC News article on how Dads, Husbands, and men in general are blogging, chatting, and social networking their way to better relationships.

Just like to point out that I wrote about this very thing two months ago, so I sort’ve scooped ABC News.

Sort of.

Have a happy Friday everyone, and you should check out the conversation on this article on Twitter.com

One of the first things that I noticed about media fasting was how much of a conversation starter it was. People are really interested in the Art of Not Doing. A friend of mine at work wanted to show me a video of his that he edited together. I kindly informed him that I was not watching any videos for four days. He and the other two guys in the room were astounded.
One of them asked a question that I thought was right on point. “What do you think you’re going to get from that?”
I paused for a moment. Thoughts flashed through my brain quickly. “What do you mean, isn’t it obvious,” I thought, “don’t you ever get tired of all the stimulation?” Surprisingly enough, however, I had a hard time answering his question in spoken words. I’ll answer it here. I set these benefits out in my post announcing the media fast and I will quickly repeat them.
I hoped to get some peace.
Between television, talk radio, movies, the internet and music, my life is full of noise. I think the only time that it’s quiet is when I’m in bed. Sometimes the noise is just too much and I need some time to be able to think.

After eliminating the noise, one night I simply sat in my room and allowed my mind to wander for about 90 minutes. It was amazingly refreshing and insightful. I read the scriptures more and prayed more. I feel centered and grounded.

I hoped to be able to get some perspective.
Media makers convey messages. Sometimes it’s just a message of fun, laughter, and good times. Most of the time, however, the media is full of conflicting messages about what is important and what is not. Time away from the media gave me time to reflect on what is important to me, without outside influence.
It’s important to note that after being away from media for a while (this happened to me big time after my mission) that shocking media shocks a lot more. Pornography and the bling culture become incredibly offensive.

I hoped to be able to spend more time with my wife.
Media is a time sucker. Whether you’re just vegging out in front of the TV, out watching a movie, or gaming with your buddies, it all takes time and that’s time that I could be spending with my wife. I did manage to spend a little bit more time with her, but she has college finals coming up, so she was a little swamped with home work.
I accomplished all of my goals, to a greater or lesser extent. I did it by not wasting time anymore.
So, when my coworkers were asking me what I hoped to gain from a media fast, I think it was just too much to explain. I’m a little surprised that so many people were surprised at what I was doing. Apparently it’s just too much for many people to think of eliminating the non-essential and refocusing their lives.

I’ve noticed a trend, in my new office, that shows a lot of our salespeople like to work extra hours. We have a six hour workday on purpose. Our company believes that you can get everything you need to get done in those six hours, if you focus. That means getting rid of annoying distractions. In our morning sales meeting the other day I mentioned this to the employees. I talked to them about how they could be working smarter instead of harder. Increase your skills and expertise instead of your time and labor. A few people seemed to smile and nod. After the meeting not a single sales rep approached me about it, and after work I noticed that the same sales reps were staying late to try to “get a little more done.”
When a company offers you less work, and you don’t take it, what does that say about your lifestyle? What does it say about the importance of your marriage, or your kids?
Unfortunately for many people, it seems that it’s easier to call the sitter, tell the wife to put dinner on hold, and keep punching the clock, rather than figuring out how to be more effective at their job, increase their skills, dictate time constraints to clients, and eliminate distractions.

Related Posts:

My Media Fast: What I Learned Part 1
Will A Media Fast Help Your Marriage?
Fasting

For those of you who don’t know, I announced on June 2 that I was going on a four day media fast. This is the first post in a series of posts about what I learned from that experience.
One of the things that Tim Ferriss mentions in the inspiration to this media fast, the Four Hour Work Week, is how so many people are afraid to try anything new or different simply because they may end up not liking the new thing after all. People fear career change because they wonder if they may not like their new career after all.
I went through this.
I studied acting in college. Performing is my passion. There’s nothing like standing on a stage and pouring your heart and soul into a performance. I performed professionally for a couple of years and accumulated some experience. Right around December of 2006, I hit a wall. Financially, I was broke. Emotionally, I was exhausted. Performing takes its toll and when you don’t get any sort of substantial financial compensation, you’re forced to take all sorts of odd jobs to make things meet. I was working something like 60 hours a week and I didn’t even have health insurance. This was a problem, since my wife has been sick for a number of years.
Without realizing it, I started looking for a way out.
It took a while for me to take that way out. I continued to perform and direct full time throughout the next 8 months or so, and continued to take odd jobs as they came along. In a flurry of activity, we left Utah, traveled on a shoe-string budget for the Summer, ended up in Portland, and I found a full time job with regular day time hours and benefits.
A few months after I started working I started having doubts. I had never seen myself in the corporate world and here I was, a cubicle jockey. I was performing well. The company started talking about promoting me after three months and while I was smiling and saying, “Yeah, I’d love a promotion,” the whole time I was thinking, “What am I doing? This isn’t what I studied. This isn’t what I want to do with the rest of my life!” I talked with my wife about it, we prayed and fasted to know what to do, and wonderful woman that she is, she told me that she was willing to support me whatever I decided.
For me, the choice was either quit the job and go back to the unhappy, exhausted, broke lifestyle that I was living before, or continue at this job, which was fun and financially very rewarding, but not my true passion. I kept wondering if I wasn’t giving up a little bit of my soul.
So, what does this have to do with my media fast?
Obviously, I decided to stay at the job. They promoted me about six weeks ago. I’m now a sales manager. Even as I was training for the new position I kept wondering if I was making the right decision. I never came to a resolution, however. I’d get home from work and if I didn’t have anything to do, I would play video games, watch TV, or listen to music. I didn’t want to deal with my situation.
I knew that I had to, however. So I turned it all off for four days. I realized during that time, that I had to make a decision as to what I was going to do. I couldn’t keep beating myself up over it. You can’t fight an internal battle and still win the external battles that rage every day.
I pondered back and forth and after some time I remembered what Tim Ferris said about putting things on pause. Just because I was walking away from the professional performing career didn’t mean that I couldn’t go back to it. In all honesty, it’s pretty easy to become a starving artist. I am having fun at my new job, I realized, and I’m able to do things that I never thought I would be able to do – like help my wife get a pacemaker, go on a long vacation, or possibly buy a home. I started realizing that I wasn’t seeing all of the possibilities inherent in my new life, because I was still clinging to the old way of doing and seeing things.
Now, I recognize that it’s far more common for people to give up business careers and pursue artistic or non-profit work – at least, that’s the stereotype. I know a few of you will tell that I’m giving up my passion, but here’s the thing: I know I can go back to it.
A few years ago I did a performance with a few older guys who told me that they wished that they had never left the theatre. They were middle aged, pudgy, and all had health problems. They were just getting back into performing and they all talked about how they envied me. It was funny because I sat there envying them. Not for their fancy cars, nice clothes, or big paychecks, but because they had something that I had never experienced: stability.
In the end, it’s all about what makes you happy, what your bliss is. Having grown up in a poor family with severely limited resources, I have never known what financial stability was like. I’m starting to experience it now, and I think I like it. It’s a new experience that is bringing me the same amount of thrill as standing on stage – at least for now – and I know that it’s my decision to do this, and I’m okay with that.
Related Posts:
Will A Media Fast Help My Marriage?
What Do You Contribute?
Overcoming Fear of Success in Marriage

I’m a big fan of Tim Ferriss’ book, the 4 Hour Work Week (4HWW). Tim recommends something that I had never thought of before I read his book - a Media Fast.

I engage in fasting regularly, at least once per month. I have trained my body to be able to go without food or water for a day at a time. Twenty four hours is very doable for fasting. In fact, it’s not really even difficult for me anymore. When I first read the 4HWW, I went on a semi-successful five day media fast and it was actually pretty nice. It allows you to clear your mind and focus on things that are different than what you normally focus on - and often those things happen to be the most important things.
Why a Media Fast?

Tim Ferriss prescribes a media fast as an introduction to a low information diet. He points out that with the internet and cable television, there is so much information out there, most of it completely irrelevant, that it overwhelms the rest of our lives. I agree. I’ve noticed that all of that extraneous information is creeping in to take over my life. I cut it back before, so it’s time to do it again.

What are the benefits of a media fast?

- More time with my spouse. Without all of that media, I’ll be free to spend more time interacting with humans, especially my wife.

- Less stimulation. Ever get half way through the day and realize that you’re exhausted? Less media = less stimulation of the brain and more time to relax and unwind.

- Perspective. After being away from media for a few days, it’s easy to point out to yourself what you actually miss and what was fluff. It’s even easier to then cut out the fluff.

With that said, I’m going on a 4 day media fast, beginning Sunday, June 1st.

I’ll be Avoiding:

- Television entirely. I probably watch 1 - 3 hours of TV in a night.
- Video Games. If I’m not watching TV, I’m playing Rock Band or Halo 3 for 2 - 3 hours in an evening.
- Movies. Don’t watch a lot of movies, but I’m cutting this one too.
- No Mp3 player. Do you realize how much of the world you cut off when you plug in those headphones? I used to converse with people on the bus. Now, no one does.
- Magazines and books except for one pleasure novel. I happen to be a huge fantasy fan, so I’ll be reading a Dragonlance novel, most likely.
- The Internet. This is huge, and the most difficult part for me. I won’t be doing any blogging (there will be scheduled posts that I’ve already written, however), surfing the internet, social media networking, or anything else online.
- Email. I’m a compulsive email checker, but I won’t be checking my personal email for four days. I’m also limiting my work email to once in the morning when I get to work, and once in the afternoon after lunch.

I estimate this will free up about 4 - 7 hours in a day for me.

What Will I Be Doing With My Time?

- I’ll sleep a little more. I get up early to blog and use social media. I don’t mind that, but I’ve been overly tired lately. I’m going to rejuvenate by sleeping a little longer.

- More time with my wife. I can get distracted from her by media. I’m going to give her more time so that she feels appreciated.
- Reading the scriptures more. Arguably, this is media, but it’s a necessary part of my day. I’ve read the Bible and the Book of Mormon every day for nearly 10 years and it’s a source of spiritual rejuvenation for me.
- Meditation. Without constant stimulation, you are open to inspiration. I plan on spending a little more time in prayer and meditation. This will give me the chance to consider where my life is at and what I want to continue doing, and what I want to cut out.

I’ll be sharing my experience in a future post after the media fast is over. In the meantime, have any of you ever done anything like this? What was your experience? If you haven’t, why not?

Related posts:
Stereotypes of Men in Media
Fasting
I Wish I Were a Knight IV: The Spiritual

For those of you who don’t know, Twitter.com is an invaluable resource. I like to tell people it’s like a cross-breed between instant messaging and social networking. Like my Facebook account, I can add hundreds of friends, but when I send a message out on Twitter (short, limited to 140 characters) it goes out to all of my friends. The best thing about Twitter? I’m friends with a bunch of people that I could never get face time with, but they actually respond on Twitter. It’s like being able to get short, extremely valuable consultations for free.

In the spirit of Twitter, here are the ways Twitter has helped my marriage:

- Given me good ideas for dates.
- Met local people who had advice for good local restaurants.
- A little cheering section when I need encouragement (guys say, “yeah, I did that too”).
- Lots of random ideas for blog posts about marriage when reading other people’s tweets.
- Spawned intense discussions on my blog (and others) about marriage.

Follow me on Twitter.com and join the discussion!

Deborah Shank was hit by a truck. At the time, she was an employee of Wal-Mart. Her health insurance covered her hospital and physical therapy bills. This makes sense, she was paying out of each check to have her health insurance. Her medical bills amounted to over $400,000, all covered by her health insurance.

The question is not do you love her, but how does she know that you love her?

I just saw Enchanted the other day. This song gives me pause to stop and think. Men, as silly as it is, listen to the song and then answer the question for yourself.

What have you done today to make sure that your wife knows you love her? Do you know what would tell her you love her? Do you simply tell her you love her without finding out what she needs in order to really know it?