How do you turn an American Redneck into an English gentleman?  Apparently you shave the handlebars off of his Mo, comb his hair, and put a bow tie on him.  That’e me, there to the left, and this is me last week, showing my redneck roots.

Movember has been a fun thing for me to participate in.  While other men have probably raised far more money than me, I’ve raised a little bit, and it’s been really good to see.

There are all sorts of health problems out there besides Prostate Cancer.  I’ve had allergic asthma for about 14 years.  This type of asthma is more common among young boys than it is among girls for some reason, but I keep it under control by taking a daily inhaled steroid, and by exercising.

Now, I don’t know how much the average man exercises, but if it’s like me before I got motivated to take care of my asthma, it’s probably about once every 10th or 20th time he feels guilty about his physical shape.  Sound about right?

Turns out that while most men benefit from exercise, it’s actually vitally important for me to exercise, or my lungs stop working properly.  No oxygen = very cranky Good Husband.

What kind of exercising do I do you ask?  Well, for those new readers who don’t know, I have been engaged in the wonderful activity of commuting by bike to work.  I ride about 10 miles each way, morning and night.  I really enjoy the ride, it gives me time to think, listen to Olberman’s podcast, or just rock out to some great tunage.

Speaking of podcasts, I was thinking of starting a podcast.  Would you listen?

Remember, you only have two more weeks to donate to Men’s Health Research.

This is me, early this morning.  As FussyPants would say, “Fight the Frump!”

So, here we are on day seven of Movember.  I can grow a pretty killer ’stache in just six days, yes?  Let’s not talk about the hair.

People are starting to ask me about the facial hair, so that means it’s doing it’s job.

Did you know that the average man’s life span goes up SEVEN YEARS when he gets married?  Part of that is attributed to the fact that most guys can’t cook, so single men just give up after a while…but in all seriousness, married men live longer because they are less likely to engage in risky behavior, and more likely to GO TO THE FRICKIN’ DOCTOR and get checked for things like Prostate Cancer.

Cancer is the number two killer (behind heart disease) of men in the USA.  Prostate cancer is the number two cancer for men (behind lung cancer).  If you’re over 40, go get screened.  If you’re under 40, stop eating Krispy Kreme hamburgers.  They’re bad for you, and that’s just disgusting!

Please donate to Prostate Cancer research.

I shaved this morning.  I normally maintain a 2 - 3 day scruff, so it feels a little odd to be clean shaven and then posting that on the interweb, but here ya go.  Also, yesterday when I mentioned that I’d be posting pics, I conveniently forgot that my camera is broken, so I’ll be posting cellphone pics until I get a new camera.

If you care to donate money to fight Prostate Cancer, please click here.

Did you know that most men spend an average of 2 - 5 minutes with their doctor when they visit, and that men visit the doctor about half as much as women?  We may be tough, but apparently we’re also a little stubborn.

Go get screened for Prostate Cancer! Especially if you’re approaching your mid-40’s.

Did mention I’m a hairy beast?  I sent Tyler at Building Camelot an email with a formal challenge.  I told him that I can grow a bigger moustache than he can.  I think he’s chicken and won’t respond to my challenge.

Charlie Kondek, awesome planner of vacations for men, is the one who turned me on to Movember.  Let’s see if he can lay it down.  Charlie, haven’t heard from you in a while.  Where you at?

Hey, you other Mo Bros out there: anyone else want to take me on?  I bet I can grow a bigger moustache than any of you.

So yesterday my post on what men think makes a good husband hit the front page of StumbleUpon. For those of you who don’t know, StumbleUpon is another one of those sites that allows you share your favorite websites with your friends, vote the site up in popularity, and can potentially send a ton of traffic your way. AGoodHusband has always done well on StumbleUpon, so if you like this site, you might want to give us a thumbs up. Find the little icon at the bottom of this post that says “share this” and click on it.

On Monday I told you how I was going to drink a lot of water in support of the doctor’s directive given to my wife. So far it’s been a little bit of an adjustment. 3 gallons is a lot of water.

Monday = 7 Liters (1.85 gallons)

Tuesday = 5 Liters (1.32 gallons)

Wednesday = 4 Liters (1.06 gallons)

As one might surmise, drinking a ton of water is a little bit challenging. I have found, however, that drinking room temperature water is easier than cold water, soup counts, and eating salt makes you thirsty. Wifey has done a little better than me, but still not regularly at 2 gallons. We’re working our way up, we say.

Oh, and tomorrow is my birthday. Yay.

Query: What was the best birthday present your wife ever got you?

The old adage about drinking eight glasses of water that are eight ounces each is somewhat true. It varies person to person, depending on health and activity level.

Apparently the appropriate amount of water for my wife’s health is three gallons per day!

Long time readers have read about my wife’s chronic health condition before.  Over the last year, we had done quite a bit of searching and discovered some new research that could help her.  Over the past couple of months, my wife has been visiting with the doctor, having tests run, and hoping that this new treatment could help her.  Last week we went to the doctor with high hopes that he was going to tell us that she’s ready for this new treatment and that it would work.

We were severely disappointed.  It turns out that a pacemaker will not help someone with the type of heart condition that my wife has.

The doctor’s recommendation?  Nothing is going to make it go away, but we can mitigate the symptoms.  How do we mitigate my wife’s low blood pressure?  Eat salt.  Lots of salt.  Ridiculous amounts of salt.  Salt tablets, chips, and hard cheeses.  Then drink a heck of a lot of water.

So, here we are, Monday morning of the following week and my wife has asked me to join with her in drinking excessive amounts of water.  Three gallons a day.  We’re working our way up to it.  Today I’m going for 2 gallons.

1 Gallon = 3.78 Liters.  That means I’m going to drink seven and a half water bottles by the time I go to bed tonight.

Want to join me?

I recently had a sleepy conversation with Sammy Margo.

Apparently, a great number of married couples don’t sleep very well. Sammy Margo is a physical therapist with 20 years of experience who has worked with dozens and dozens of couples, showing them how to improve their sleep, thereby improving their quality of life.

If you have problems sleeping, or your spouse does, take a look at these easy tips.

A Good Husband: I’ve heard that a lot of couples sleep in separate beds. Is this true?

Sammy Margo: Over 50% of the patients that I see at home that are over 50 sleep in separate beds, separate rooms or have a sleep contingency plan (e.g. if you snore and I can’t sleep I will sleep on the sofa tonight).

Very few people talk about their sleeping arrangements but after visiting thousands of people in their home and after probing my patients that I see in the clinic I have uncovered that the social norm of sharing the same bed as your husband is not always the best thing for your health or for your relationship.

Sleeping separately can be the sign of a strongly bonded couple communicating their needs. I am not advocating sleeping separately for everyone. For some it will improve your relationship.

A Good Husband: How can you be a happy bedfellow?

Sammy Margo: Get the biggest bed you can. Put two single mattresses on one bed to reduce bounce, and don’t think that you have to be cuddling all the time. Don’t be offended if your partner sleeps with his or her back to you.

(Note from AGH: I especially like this last point. I sleep in the fetal position, up against the edge of the bed, with my back to my wife. We’ve been married five and a half years and she still thinks I’m upset at her some nights. That’s just how I sleep!)

A Good Husband: What do you do if you live with a snorer?

Sammy Margo: You might try using a tape recorder to convince him or her that there is a problem and that they need treatment. Sleep apnea (among other sleep disorders) is a major health problem that has only recently begun to be understood. Barring that, try to go to bed before them, and perhaps consider a white noise machine to drown out the snoring.

A Good Husband: In your book you mention night owls and early morning larks. What do you do if you live with an owl and you are a lark or vice versa?

Sammy Margo: Dress/undress in another room so as not to disturb your partner.
Buy a reading light so that you can read without disturbing your partner.
Avoid excessive alcohol and stimulants.
Peel and eat a banana to help you sleep. It contains melatonin, serotonin and magnesium - all helpful sleep aids.

If these four tips don’t work, you might check out Sammy’s new book, The Good Sleep Guide. It’s chock full of useful information about sleep and how to get some.

Skipping a meal or two can actually be very good for your health. In turn, fasting can also be excellent for your mental and spiritual well being - and thus, your relationship with your spouse.

Most great religions of the world, and many doctors and medical professionals, recommend a monthly fast to cleanse the body. You can read Dr. Michael Eades’ take on fasting at Tim Ferriss’ Blog.

Physically

Fasting affords your body a rest from the process of digestion, thus freeing up energy for other bodily functions like removing waste. It also lowers blood sugar, blood pressure, reduces general stress levels, and improves health over all.

I have noticed that when I am fasting I become more in tune with my body and what is happening to it. I also notice that my body tends to slow down a little bit (as would be expected) and this affords me the opportunity to think a little bit more. I also noticed that when I fast I burp a lot.

Spiritually

Muslims fast on Ramadan, the 9th month of the Muslim calendar. According to the Qur’an, proper observance of the Ramadan fast brings clarity of thought, peace, and a closeness to God. Since the fast is observed between sunrise and sunset daily throughout the month, the devotion to fasting also brings sympathy for those who do not have ready access to food each day. Also, Ramadan fasts are also supposed to remind people of their duty to think pure thoughts and keep their words and actions clean.

Some Buddhists regularly engage in fasting. I had a professor in college who was Buddhist and we discussed it at length. Buddhists emphasize denying the self, or the needs of the body, so that the spirit may be enlightened. For practitioners, fasting is part of the eight precepts that guide their daily lives.

Many Christians fast. Mormons hold church wide fasts on the first Sunday of each month. On that Sunday, they meet together, share their testimonies of what they believe, and generally observe to do better than they have done. Members of the LDS faith are encouraged to take the money they would have spent on food that day and donate it to charity.

From Isaiah 58:
3 ¶ ^aWherefore have we fasted, say they, and thou seest not? wherefore have we afflicted our soul, and thou takest no knowledge? Behold, in the day of your ^bfast ye find ^cpleasure, and ^dexact all your labours.

4 Behold, ye fast for ^astrife and ^bdebate, and to smite with the fist of wickedness: ye shall not ^cfast as ye do this day, to make your voice to be heard on high.

5 Is it such a fast that I have chosen? a day for a man to afflict his soul? is it to bow down his head as a bulrush, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? wilt thou call this a fast, and an acceptable day to the Lord?

6 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the ^abands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go ^bfree, and that ye break every yoke?

7 Is it not to deal thy bread to the ^ahungry, and that thou bring the ^bpoor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from ^cthine own flesh?

Of course, fasting must be done with a purpose in order to gain the spiritual benefits. You must have a reason for you sacrifice. I have fasted because I wanted to gain insight into what to study in college, whether to marry, what kind of job to take, and many other decisions. I use the time that I am fasting to study scripture, ponder, and pray.

It has been a constant theme of mine that good husbands should do their best to develop their spirits as well as their minds and bodies. I personally believe that life, and, if we desire, our marriages, will continue on after this life. If that is the case, then it behooves each of us to learn a little bit more each day about who we are, where we come from, and what the purpose of life is. Fasting allows us to move away from worldly concerns and to consider matters of the soul.

I encourage each of you to try fasting in the next couple of weeks. Let me know how it goes and what your experiences have been.

Is video game addiction real? It depends on who you ask. Psychologists and sociologists are debating this question as we speak.

I’ve had lots of people searching for answers to this question on my blog. Men love video games, right? In my last post about video games I mentioned that for many men it’s not an addiction, it’s just a passionate hobby.

Sometimes There Is A Bigger Problem

For other men, however, video games are a serious problem. There are three reported cases of men dying because they played video games for three days or more without sleeping, eating, or drinking. It should be pointed out that all of these deaths were gamers addicted not to XBOX or other consoles, but to Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Games (MMORPG’s) like World of Warcraft or Everquest.

There was a medical conference on the issue in 2007. Video game addiction has not yet become an official diagnosis like alcohol or pornography addiction, but it has not been ruled out either.

How to Tell If You or Your Spouse Is Addicted

If you have four or five of the following problems, you might need to seek professional addiction help with your gaming habits:

1. Persistent thoughts of the activity or performance of the activity. (Preoccupation)
2. Need for increased time spent on the activity to achieve satisfaction or diminished reward for the same amount of time spent on the activity. (Tolerance)
3. Inability to control, stop or diminish the behavior. (Loss of control)
4. Restlessness or irritability when prevented from partaking in the activity. (Withdrawal)
5. Lying to friends or family about extent of involvement with activity. (Continuance despite adverse consequences)
6. Committing illegal acts to sustain activity. (Continuance despite adverse consequences)
7. Relying on others to finance activity. (Continuance despite adverse consequences)

What to Do About It

There is just one official treatment center for video game addiction in the USA, and a facility has been opened in Amsterdam. China has one too.

Most scientists agree that video games do not physically cause addiction like drugs or alcohol. Games are instead the means of avoiding some sort of other problem. My recommendation is that if you feel that you are having a problem with gaming then talk to someone about it. Talk to your spouse, a friend, your mother, or a therapist. Find out what it is that you are trying to avoid. Face your problem.

Remember, for most people, video gaming is simply a serious hobby like boating, stamp collecting, or others. If your gaming is causing a problem with your life however, then you need to face up to and do something.

My wife has had a chronic illness for about 13 years. We’ve been married for about five and a half. The whole time I’ve known her she has suffered from this debilitating condition, called Neurocardiogenic Syncope, that causes her to pass out or become very weak several times each day.

Over the years I’ve had several people ask me, “Did you know that she was sick before you were married?” The answer is yes, of course I did. Their response is always along the lines of, “Wow, that’s really brave.” As anyone who has had a sick spouse knows, it’s not really a bravery thing, it’s a love thing.

Marriage and being a Good Husband is sometimes difficult. Caring for someone who is chronically ill comes with its own set of challenges.

Making long term plans is difficult to do. My wife and I have always been big dreamers. We want to travel the world, see new things, and take on new challenges. Because of her illness I have learned that we won’t always be able to go on the dates that we plan. The trips we plan can be cut short or changed when she’s unable to leave the hotel room.

That’s okay with me, though. We’ve become flexible and more relaxed. Some of our friends have these super vacations where every single moment is planned and scheduled so that they can see as much as possible in as short a time as possible. We never do that. Usually when we go somewhere on a date or a vacation, we have a loose plan that we fill in after we get there. Sometimes they tell us they wish that they were more relaxed on their vacations.

There’s a great deal of guilt associated with not being able to make my spouse healthy. Seeing others in pain causes a visceral reaction that makes me want to fix the problem. It’s emotionally taxing to see her suffer and be unable to do anything. The protective male instinct that I have tells me that I’ve done something wrong because my wife is suffering and I’m not.

Like most men, I become focused on fixing the problem instead of finding out what my spouse actually needs at the moment. There have been times when I’ve been so busy trying to make her comfortable or take care of something that I haven’t noticed that all she needs is for me to sit with her and put my arms around her while she cries, or to play a game with her and chat so that she doesn’t feel lonely.

I’ve developed some interesting coping mechanisms through the years. I love my wife a great deal and love spending time with her. There are times, I have to admit, that it’s all a little bit much for me. Here are some of the ways that I handle it.

Taking time for myself. It can take a lot of time to care for someone who’s ill. Scheduling time for activities that I enjoy, that rejuvenate my spirit, that give me the energy required to go back to my spouse and care for them. It took me time to recognize that this is not selfishness, but is, in fact, the opposite of selfish. We can be at our best caring for others only when we first care for our own basic needs.

Communication. Sometimes those who are very ill don’t realize how demanding they are being. My wife and I had to develop our communication skills to the point where I know how to tell her when I need space, and she had to learn that when I do take my space that I am able to come back with more care for her.

Surrounding myself with supportive people. I recognize that I could do better at this, but there aren’t too many people with my wife’s condition. Cancer patients and other illnesses that are more common have lots of support groups. It’s important to surround yourself with supportive people who understand what you’re going through. You can ask them questions and get a lot of validation for those efforts that you go through every day.

Educating myself. I thought I understood what my wife’s heart condition was when we got married. It’s pretty different when you see it up close every single day. I decided to educate myself about her condition. I went online and read studies, talked to lots of different doctors, and participated in online forums for those who had this same heart condition.

Now, I wasn’t as balanced as this post makes me seem when I first began to understand my wife’s health. It took a lot of talking, prayer, education, and trial and error for us to come to a happy balance in our life. I expect that will continue to happen as we go through life and her health condition evolves.

Do you have a spouse with a chronic health condition? I’d love to hear your experiences and how you have managed to come to terms with the situation. Also, what challenges do you have and how are you meeting those challenges?