I decided that it would only be fair to have women wage in on the issue as well. After all, women have to be get to be with their husbands forever. We men might want to read and carefully consider what they’re looking for in a good husband.

From MooshInIndy (who, btw, is one of my favorite bloggers - I just discovered her a month ago. Everyone go tell her that she should stop by more often. She’s fabulous. Casey, I’m sorry, but I had to use that pic. You’re the one that put it on your site…)

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

To me, being a good husband means that your wife trusts you completely. It means that you are the first one she wants to talk to when she wakes up and that you are the last one she is thinking about when she falls asleep, it means that when something happens, good or bad, you are the one she wants to share it with. It means that she has enough trust in you to tell you anything, to feel safe in anything she may have to say. If she has something ridiculous to say, a fear, a joke, a worry, it means she doesn’t fear you mocking her or ridiculing her. If she has a genuine concern she needs know that you will meet her halfway, and validate her concern no matter how minuscule it may seem. Being a good husband means recognizing that women and wives are completely different creatures than men, and learning to love, nurture and coexist with them without annoying the ever loving crap out of them.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

The role of father and husband is being downplayed, it is being challenged and mocked. The media and the world would have us believe that men who can conquer all and be admired by everyone without being attached to anyone is masculine. When in reality, it is a man who loves his family, who loves his wife, who lives for his children and isn’t afraid to look silly for the happiness of another is where real masculinity lies. A man so confident in himself that he’s willing to sacrifice his pride to help those whom he loves most. (If you’ve ever seen my purse you’ll know darn well that my husband is over his ego enough to hold the huge multicolored Mary Poppins bag.) A man who can’t wait to get home to be with those who hold him in highest esteem. I love that my husband is a serious attorney all day, and yet comes home to sing my daughter the Tigger song everynight before she goes to sleep. “The wonderful thing about husbands, is husbands are wonderful things…”

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Find out quickly what makes your fiance feel loved. And for the love of pete, don’t ASK. Try out different romantic gestures and see which one brings that sparkle and light to her eyes that only you should have the ability to do. Don’t be afraid to look silly. Write her cheesy love notes, leave her gushy post-its around the house. Whisper in her ear that she looks amazing, that she smells good, that you’re lucky to be her husband. Make her dinner, do the dishes, plan an unexpected date. The more out of your comfort zone it is for you the more memorable it will be to her, your gestures don’t have to be public or outlandish. Find something secret the two of you share. Kiss her in the same spot and say the same words to her everytime you part, or fall asleep. Give her a nickname. Make it just about you two. Forge a bond so strong between the two of you that loving her becomes as second nature as breathing. But don’t forget to remind yourself how important breathing is, and how you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her giving you breath. Wow, cheesy much? Yeah, but dudes? Lots of girls love the cheese. Promise. Try and give her a reason everyday to be more in love with you than she was yesterday. After almost eight years I am more in love with my husband than I ever was before his socks were in the middle of my floor everyday and his sweaty gym clothes were stinking up my hamper. I love him so much my heart feels as if it will burst if I think about him for too long. Don’t you want that kind of hold on your lady’s heart?

From Jenny the Bloggess (who, if you don’t mind the swearing, is absolutely hilarious - and blunt…and Jenny, I’m sorry that you were transferred for reasons totally unrelated to your blogging):

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

I got nuthin’. Seriously, I have no idea because I’m not a dude but I guess what I look for in a husband is his ability to make me a better person. You can replace “a better person” with “a good amaretto sour” and it would still be just as valid.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

I don’t think there are any. Neil Patrick Harris just played a Shoe Fairy on Sesame Street and knocked it out of the [fetching] park. Seriously, he’s playing a fairy and he’s hot and everyone knows it. If an openly-gay dude playing a singing fairy with a shoe fixation can still come off as masculine then I really think all bets are off. Now put on something pink and stop worrying about what other people think.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Backrubs are the best foreplay. Not *you* getting a backrub. You *giving* a backrub. If I had to explain that, your wife is pretty much [fetched] . Also, that chair is not a closet. And close the door when you’re in the bathroom. And stop asking me why my car is so dirty. It just is. Wow. I just realized you only wanted one thing. How about this: Listen to your wife because she’s probably always right except sometimes when she’s wrong and then maybe you might need to slap her around. If that sentence sounded in anyway plausible to you then you should probably not be allowed to get married.

From Nan at Shawnanigans (if you don’t know what BragOnYourMan is, head over there and read, then let the world know how great your husband/boyfriend/significant other is - praise works wonders):

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

It means loving your wife sacrificially, owning up to your mistakes, making finding out how to love her better a hobby and a life-long pursuit… There are so very many things that being a good husband means. It means standing up boldly when boldness is needed and it means being humble when humility is called for. It means knowing when both of those times are. It means saying sorry first. It means setting a tone of respect for the rest of the family.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

I think some of the biggest challenges to masculinity today are those men who give masculinity a bad name; men who confuse machismo with with masculinity. I bet you thought I was going to say something about the “sensitive man” being more of a challenge but I don’t think so. I think masculinity gets a bad name when it is equated in large part with crudeness, sexual obsession, bulging biceps, as well as poor financial choices and bad behavior, both of which are often mislabeled with cutesy phrases like “boys and their toys” or “sowing wild oats.” A man can be far from any of those things and still be extremely masculine. He can even cook, wash dishes and do laundry and still be incredibly masculine.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Do the right thing first.

Liss from TheFascinatingWoman (who happens to be married to yours truly, and is one of the most loving, longsuffering women on the face of the planet - I adore her, funny faces and all):

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

At the most basic level a good husband is faithful (emotionally and physically), fun, and loving. The particulars will vary from woman to woman but if you can honestly say that you believe your husband to be fun, loving, and he’s faithful - emotionally and physically - you’ve got a good husband.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

Masculinity is too often defined by it’s negative aspects. Therefore, instead of self-assurance we see arrogance, instead of gallantry there’s bravado, instead of deference there is lewdness. Also, quite frankly, masculinity is having to be redefined for modern life. The sort of physical lifestyle that lent itself to daily displays of masculinity has been replaced with a swaggering machismo because that sort of lifestyle is not a part of many “modern” countries.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Think of compromise as a good thing. Too many couples think of marriage in terms of winning. I don’t know a single happy marriage where score is being kept. In the happiest marriages there is almost daily compromise - but they are having such a good time being married to one another, and are so full of love for each other that it doesn’t occur to them that they are compromise. Shoot for that - and be okay when it doesn’t happen.

This is a guest post from BusyMom.

Men? Blogging? What will they think of next?

Kidding.

While I’m not married to a blogger, I’ve been blogging a long time and many of my oldest blog friends are guys. Some are dads, some aren’t.

Since I began the whole blogging process long before people spoke of “mommy” or “daddy” bloggers, I’ve just always had my friends and my favorite bloggers and I’ve never really given much thought to gender, I just enjoy reading about the people to whom I can relate or to whom I have a connection.

For example, I love Child’s Play x2, Metro Dad, for who they are and the fact that they are good writers rather than the fact they are “daddy” bloggers.

But, lately, since “mommy” and “daddy” blogger labels are all the rage, I’ve given it some thought and it’s nice to read the male perspective on things, especially parenting.

I don’t think it’s a novelty that men are writing about kids and parenting, though. As a matter of fact, I bristle a little when people make a huge fuss over dads sharing things about parenting with others through a blog. Though I’m not a guy, it just seems a little demeaning to me that it’s seen as so out of the ordinary or extreme for a dad to document his life with kids, but I could be wrong.

I think that most men and women alike have always shared pride in their families in their own ways and blogging just makes it easier than ever for those who enjoy writing. To me, it’s got nothing to do with what is “manly” or not, but everything to do with how someone enjoys expressing themselves and connecting with other people.

Again, though I could be wrong, since I’ve never actually been a guy, and I don’t play one on TV, either.

Maybe there is a prevalent stereotype that blogging about your kids and family isn’t “manly” and I just don’t get it, but it sure doesn’t stop me from enjoying some of my favorite blogs.

We have 3 kids, and my husband really isn’t a writer, but he enjoys telling stories about our kids to family and friends, as well as taking pictures. He knows about my blog, but blogging just isn’t his thing and that’s fine.

I do I wish more dads would give blogging a try, though, they might find they like it and I’m always up for making new friends and learning from good writers. I encourage people to be themselves and find their own voices because there’s a great parenting community out there, no matter who you are.

This is a guest post from Hayden at PersistentIllusion.

Ever since women started, rightly, demanding that America deliver upon the promises on which this country was founded, men have more and more lost their way. Unsure of how to meet a stronger woman, men psychologically retreated in confusion.

We used to think that women were less intelligent than men.
We used to think that women were incapable of protecting themselves.
We used to think that women were only good for taking care of children.
We used to think that women were only good for satisfying a man’s carnal pleasures.

We used to think that women were property.

We, men and women, had operated so long in this paradigm that when women started to shatter those ideologies, exercise their abilities, and assert their substance and strength, we found we didn’t know how to share power. To render equality unto women meant that power was ‘taken away’ from the men of this country.

The ‘manliness’ movement is a triumphant death knell to this either-or dynamic. No longer is it strong women at the expense of strong men. No longer do men withdraw. We are coming to a place, slowly but surely, where men and women can assert themselves without diminishing the authority of their partner.

The manliness movement, including ‘daddy blogging’, is redefining what is considered ‘manly’. Which is more manly? Benching 300 lbs. or being a good father? Is it manly to suppress the power of your wife, or to meet her in equal partnership? Truly which is stronger? A partnership founded on an imbalance of equality, or one that combines the power of two strong people.

Indeed, we have learned in the personal development movement that one’s personal happiness absolutely cannot be dependent upon another for then your ‘happiness’ is shallow and transient. Joy in living is expressed in fullness when two ‘happy’ people come together and magnify their joy through a loving partnership.

So it is also true for power. Power - strength - gained at the expense of another cannot last; it is insubstantial.

The manliness movement is, at its core, an evolution of masculinity. And daddy bloggers are at the forefront. Men today are using the digital marketplace of ideas to exhort their confederates into stepping up. This clarion call reverberates online, bouncing from byte to byte, blog to blog, man to man. It’s a call to arms and a ceasing of bitter refuge.

It’s a challenge to man up.

Women simply cannot effect this change. When a woman tries to prevent a man from shirking responsibility, when she attempts to insists on his equal involvement in their marriage and family, when she declares the injustice of doing it all by herself - she is a ‘nag’ and her husband resents her.

Thanks to the multitude of enlightened men, no longer is there a dearth of material on what it means to be masculine. No longer do we sit without direction. No longer must men flounder. In order to affirm the vision of this country, the resonant promise on which it was founded 232 years ago, women and men must step up.

And, thanks to the manliness movement, men across the country are taking up the mantle of leadership. Stepping forward so that others can more easily see the path of the modern day warrior. Creating a fellowship, a brotherhood, of knights who fight for more than macho self-interest but the possibility of what men and women can truly be for each other - for themselves. Better men inspire better women who will in turn inspire better men…and so on.

The reason for my exultation of the manliness movement? The demand for personal responsibility. The proposition that women are not creatures for disdain-ertainment, but partners to be fervently honored and fiercely cherished. The fulfillment of an idea I had when I was little girl, the dream that men and women could truly be equal.

The truth is this. We are all less when any of us are lessened, diminished when any one of us is second class, and -thusly - are all consummated when we fulfill the promise of our beings. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.

If you’re the All-American family: house in the suburbs, nice cars, 2.5 kids, both parents working, kids on a team for soccer, baseball, dance, routine sex once a week (usually), then it’s probably safe to say that your schedules determine more of your life than you do. Even if you don’t consider yourself the All-American family, you are most likely still able to answer the question, “so how are things?” with simple reply of… “busy.” With something scheduled every night of the week and weekends being full of more activities, have you ever stopped and wondered if you’re too busy for your marriage?

If your answer is yes, why do you suppose we allow ourselves to stay so busy? I’ve seen many couples in my counseling practice who claim that their marriage is a priority but their actions show anything but this idea.

We make time for the important things in our life. I play basketball at lunch time several times a week. I have for years. It’s tough to take that time out of the middle of the day, but I find a way to make it happen. Golf may be the thing you find time for. Or trips to the bar. Guys weekends. Hunting. Whatever it is, if it’s important enough to us, we find a way to make it happen.

So the question to hit you right between the eyes… where does your marriage fit on your list of importance?

If you’re like I was, my wife went up and down my life importance list. When I was interested in sex, she would climb the ladder of importance. After that need was met, she would fall down the list again. When I was down about something, I would seek her out in order for her to help me feel better. Once my mood was propped up, I was off to my own agenda again.

If you desire a marriage that is fully alive, it requires you to be honest with yourself and be more present and involved in the important aspects of your life.

Making time for your spouse will require you both to face the issues that get the in way of the time together. It very well could be that you both stay busy in order to save the marriage. Your busyness keeps you together, because if you slowed down and spent time together, the issues, resentments, disappointments, frustrations, etc. would come front and center.

If you discover this is the case in your marriage, seek professional help. I’ve even created a guide to help in choosing the right counselor. At the very least, be honest with yourself, and then your spouse. If marriage is important to you, show it in your actions.

Learn to say no to other schedule filling items in order to be together. Do less. Limit your kids to one activity a week. Have a regular date night, that nothing short of the Lord’s return will alter.

Making time for marriage requires more from each spouse. But the beautiful thing is, you are both capable of giving more to the marriage. And in return, you get more out of the marriage.

This post is the second in a series of guest posts by Luke Gilkerson on how pornography addiction affects marriage and how to overcome that addiction. Check out yesterday’s post on the myths of pornography.

My wife sweetly requested that she be given an opportunity to say something…

This is a guest post by April who writes for Normal Mormons.

This is the fourth post in a series of guest posts from different female bloggers around the net. The ideas for these posts sprang from the question, “What do wives wish good husbands knew?”The Donkey (he’s a bit clueless) and The Wife (she’s pretty patient) share funny stories from their marriage at WifeAdvice.com

He Said

Can a husband ever be too busy to compliment his wife? I like to hope so since I am terrible at complimenting my wife, but the fact is no one is that busy. Women need and love to be complimented. It’s a simple truth that wives need encouragement and praise because they have one of the hardest jobs: dealing with us husbands. Wives are sweet people by nature and need to be nurtured by their husbands. They look to their husbands for that support and thrive on that special complimenting whisper from the ones they love the most. So what can husbands like us do? What do our wives need? Allow me to shed some light on the situation.

Getting out of the compliment-less frame of mind
For those of you who just can’t seem to turn the compliment corner, I have a solution: make it a habit. Some husbands may have forgotten how to compliment their wives while others may have never regularly complimented them. If you fall within these categories, then you will benefit from a compliment checklist. Simply create a checklist that will be easy to access (paper based or electronic). Start out with a goal to make 2-3 compliments per day. Don’t get crazy and make a goal for 10 right off the bat. You want to be slick about this, not overtly obvious that you are forcing the compliments. After several days of success, you can turn it up a notch and go for 3-5 complimentary statements. Experts claim that habits take 2 weeks to form, so you should begin to see some automatic behavior by day 7. After 2 weeks you can throw your reminder cards away and enjoy a natural approach to complimenting your wife.

If you are really clueless you can use some of my favorite compliments. I have provided some starter compliments and some expert ones once you get the hang of it. Again, you don’t want to be too obvious in the beginning

Starter Compliments:

• The house looks great today. Maybe tomorrow you can make it two in a row.
• It’s been great to have you in such a good mood recently. I haven’t heard any yelling all day.
• I never knew you could cook?? What a delicious dinner!
• What a nice dress! I can’t believe you can fit into that again.

Expert Compliments:

• You looked so nice when I left this morning that I couldn’t wait to see you again after work.
• I appreciate the time and effort you put into raising our children. The work you do will influence generations to come.
• How did I get so lucky to marry such a great woman?
• Why should we ever go out to eat when you make great food like this?

• Compliments: See The Donkey’s list above, or come up with your own
• Validation: Listen to your wife’s concerns and feelings and show that you understand
• Encouragement: Let your wife know that you believe in her, and encourage her in areas where she may be unsure.
• Affection: A quick pat on the knee, a kiss on the cheek, or a hug are great ways to give your wife positive feedback.

Sometimes husbands aren’t perfect at doing this type of stuff. My husband couldn’t understand why I didn’t take it as a compliment when he rated my looks a 6 out of 10 (while we were on our honeymoon!). So you may need to be a bit patient with them, and model some positive feedback yourself. But, if I can love a donkey, anyone can.