Last week’s free flower giveaway was a bit of an eye opener for me. When I asked men to leave their most romantic story, I was surprised that so many of the answers were so…not romantic. Initially, I thought it was just me, but then my wife commented on it after reading the entries…then a friend of mine was like, “Dude, the guys who read your blog are totally not romantic. Guess that’s why they think you can help them, huh?”

At first, I was a little offended at my friend’s insinuation, but after some thought I was like, “Well, Cory, you started this site because you thought it could be a resource.” So…yeah, I guess there are quite a few guys out there who have no idea that men & women think different things are romantic.

Men see romance as a task to complete.

Is it true? Many of the comments on that post were about the way that men proposed to their wives. A few were about what they did for their wives before they were married. I can’t be sure, but I don’t think any of the stories occurred within the last 2 - 3 years.

Is romance a list of set procedures? Can you maximize the return on investment of a romantic gesture and calculate out what you can get with the least amount of effort? I am guessing that any women reading this are repelled just by the idea of that last sentence.

Romance as relationship maintenance.

Responsible men know that they need to get their car serviced. You change the oil every 5000 miles, put gas in, and get the brakes checked. Romance is the equivilant of relationship maintenance. Take your wife out for a date, bring her a gift for no reason, praise her regularly, and touch her lovingly. Regular romance is better than any single gesture of love over time.

Last week, when I asked for a story of the most romantic thing you’ve done for your wife, perhaps I did you all a bit of a disservice by putting attention on that singular event. Attention should really be paid to what are you doing now?

What does ongoing romance mean to you?

It’s Fall, almost Winter, and there are great activities that you can do for last minute dates that only come around this time of year.  If you’re looking for something to do with your sweetheart and (like me) often fail to plan something in advance, here are a few easy ideas:

Go see the Fall colors. Women appreciate beautiful things, guys.  Go somewhere you can see the colorful trees and take a walk with your honey.  If you have the time, fill a thermos with hot cocoa or hot tea to stay warm.  Don’t forget to pack an extra sweater or a blanket.  While you’re out on your walk, see how big a leaf you can find, or if you can find leaves that are multi-colored.

Carve a Pumpkin.  Stop by your local grocery store (if your area isn’t suffering from a Pumpkin shortage this year) and grab a pumpkin and two child safe carving knives.  Sit in your backyard or throw some newspaper down on the living room floor and go to town.

What other last minute date ideas do you have for the Fall?

Hey everyone, it’s Labor Day! I’m enjoying my extra day off and Lissie and I are planning on doing something fun that will probably involve a bike ride and seeing something new in Portland we haven’t seen yet.

Now, you know the drill.

1. Decide what romantic thing you’re going to do for your spouse this week. Could be anything. From as simple as giving a foot rub to planning a romantic date, to planning a romantic vacation, the idea is for you to do something.

2. Let us know what you’re going to plan by leaving a comment below. If you want it to be a surprise, then just give a general idea (I’m planning a date), or, if it will help you get rolling, leave as much detail as you want to.

3. Let us know what will motivate you to make sure it happens. Plan a reward for yourself, or plan consequences if you fail, but make sure that it happens! My goal as A Good Husband is to help inspire all the guys out there to go the extra mile, and, even more so, to make sure that I go the extra mile. I want my wife to know that she is incredibly special, and this is a great way for me to do that.

This week, we’re going to paint our new apartment. Following Derek Semmler’s advice, I’m going to assume that my wife would like it if I helped her get everything ready and then helped her paint and clean up. Assuming all goes well in that department, she’ll feel properly loved and appreciated.

Ya know, it might also be a good idea for me to plan something more traditionally romantic sometime soon as well. You know, those getting dressed up going to a nice restaurant, going to a show type evenings? Yeah, I thought so. When’s the last time you did one of those?

It’s becoming a bit of a weekly tradition, but ya’all seem to enjoy it.

- On your way home, go to the bank and pick up two rolls of pennies. That’s one dollar total. Take your wife to the nearest public fountain. Hand her one of the rolls of pennies and then take turns tossing pennies into the well and making wishes. Make them out loud so that you can share them. After all of your pennies are gone (that’s 50 each, so this could take some time), go grab something to eat somewhere and talk about the most surprising/interesting/fascinating wishes that your partner made. You can find out why they made those wishes. It’s a great way to get to know something about your partner you never knew.

For more date ideas, click here.

- Go to the theatre. For some reason, a lot of people automatically link the theatre with romance. Taking your date to see a play at the last minute is a great idea. You can usually check your local paper to find out what’s playing, and if you call the theatre, they will often have discount tickets or coupons available. Also, if you’re a student, you can get last minute tickets (with an hour of the show starting) at a steep discount. Since it’s last minute, make sure you call to see if it’s sold out.

- Go stargazing. It’s getting warmer now. On the way home from work, grab a roast chicken from your local grocery store, a loaf of bread from their bakery, and maybe some cheese and something to drink. Grab your wife and drive up a canyon or out to a rural area, spread a blanket out on the ground, eat dinner and watch the stars when it gets dark. If you want to do a little more planning, local universities often have stargazing parties

- Go Clubbing. If you’re feeling a little more adventurous, dress up and go to a night club. How long has it been since you did that? My wife and have done this a few times since we got married and it’s absolutely hilarious to us. I get a certain voyeuristic pleasure out of watching all the single people grope around trying to impress everyone….but I like to watch people. If you find the right club, you might even do a little dancing, eat some good food, and/or sing a little karaoke.

Just a reminder friends, there is no such thing as a sure fire, slam dunk date idea. The reason these dates work is because they have a huge potential for failure. That’s good for any date. It makes the best stories when something goes wrong. Couldn’t get to the theatre on time and they locked you out? The date then becomes about how well do you improvise, and how comfortable are you with your date?

I’d love to hear some of your stories.

Looking for more date ideas from A Good Husband? Click here.

Just in case you’re in a crunch for a date idea, here are four ideas that can be implemented with very little notice and that my wife has told me she found very successful.

- Dinner and Games. A candle lit dinner, made yourself or ordered in. Put on some romantic music and after dinner clear the table away yourself. Play some board games or card games for the rest of the evening and make sure you spend your time talking to her and listening to her. Easy to do, cheap, and she’ll cherish it. I promise.

- Argentine Tango Dancing. Even if you don’t know how to dance at all, Argentine Tango (the distinction is important - Argentine is very different from American Ballroom Tango) is the type of dance where you can pick up some simple steps fairly easily and spend the next couple of hours dancing. You can usually find a place that offers lessons before the main dancing starts. The Tango community is very welcoming and you might even make some great friends while you’re out. My wife and I went dancing for the first time just a month ago.

- Guilty Pleasure Night. Go to the video store and rent a season of a show that you both like to watch (like Scrubs, 24, Lost, or Gilmore Girls). While you’re out, go to the grocery store and buy obscene amounts of candy, ice cream, pop, chips, and chocolate. Go home and watch while you gorge yourselves, gab over the TV, and have a great time.

- Check into a Random Hotel Room. You can find some screaming good last minute deals on Hotwire - the catch is that you don’t know which hotel you booked until you have paid for it. You can pick general locales within your city and even the amenities you want. Find something with a jacuzzi and a view and don’t bother packing an overnight bag. The hotel provides soap and towels, so grab your toothbrush and go! Being in a new place provides a sense of mystery and fun.

I’d be interested in hearing from you, guys. What great dates (or terrible ones) have you taken your wife on, planned in advance or winged at the last minute? What worked and what didn’t?

Looking for more date ideas? click here.

Last Saturday a good friend took my wife and I to an Argentine Tango dancing studio hosted by the wonderful teacher Alex Krebs. We had an hour lesson and then danced for a few hours after. I have experienced a little more dance than the average person, but I had never before done the Tango.

For those of you who don’t know anything about Argentine Tango, I suggest you visit the Tango Video Project. The YouTube videos like the one above don’t really do the subject justice. If you happen to be in the Portland area, come find me at any of the nightly Milongas (an evening of dance) in the city - you can find the schedule here.

What I discovered is that Tango is totally different from most forms of dance, and that the principles of Tango can be applied to many aspects of life, especially relationships. If you’ll humor me, I suggest the following reasons every Good Husband learn to Tango:

1. As men, husbands, and fathers, we should be leading by gentleness and persuasion and not by force. Tango requires that one person be a very strong and decisive leader. If, however, the man pushes too hard while dancing, then the girl falls over and the dance is ruined.

In our relationships we should take the lead, but if we push too hard or we are too forceful with our opinions, then we are doomed to fail. There must be a balance between being strong and listening to our partner.

2. Tango requires you to engage your passion. The steps to Tango are not terribly difficult in comparison to other dances that I have learned. I picked up a few steps and was able to dance for the rest of the evening, getting a little bit better as the time went on. Watching some of the other dancers made me realize that although they were not doing many more steps than I was, they looked totally different than my wife and I. The difference was the passion with which they danced. They were completely lost in the music and in listening to each other.

If Good Husbands can allow themselves to block out so much of the outside world and allow themselves to fall in sync with their wives, the resulting relationship is beautiful, and a little awe-inspiring, to behold. We all know those couples who are just perfect together, they operate nearly seamlessly. I think Tango is a great example of that.

3. Leading by creativity is more fulfilling than leading by rote patterns and memorized steps. Some dances require that you learn and relearn a set of steps and then repeat them over and over in increasingly complex patterns. Tango (at least as Alex taught it) allows you to learn the basic principles and then build from there with your own creativity.

For those of us in long term relationships, how often do we approach a problem in our relationship thinking that we know the answer without really listening to the question? When our relationships get comfortable we begin to operate on trained responses. Truly beautiful relationships operate on the principles of communication, honesty, and trust - just like Tango.

4. You can learn from others. If you’re willing to dance with them without judgement and without reservation, you can learn. Once the lessons are over at a Tango dance, there is only dancing. There is a rule that no one teaches on the dance floor. It’s wonderfully freeing. People of all skill levels are out on the floor doing the best they can. Trading partners throughout the evening is encouraged. I danced with some who were excellent dancers and some who were even worse than I was. From each of them I learned and improved my own technique, all without criticism or any intentional teaching.

In my relationship with my wife there have been a few times where unnecessary criticism interfered with our happiness. Most of the time when we mess up, we know it. Sometimes it is just better to keep dancing than to point it out or to try and fix it. Sometimes it is better to just let little hurts in relationships go and move on to the next moment. There is a time for working on relationships, discussing the good and the bad, and there is a time for just allowing yourself to experience the relationship, for the good or the bad.

Little lessons like this are all around us if we are willing to open ourselves up to them. Tango isn’t the only thing that I’ve learned about relationships from, just the most recent.