. . . from the beginning, [Satan] has worked with a vengeance to distort the very definition of womanhood and to confuse everyone about us, including us. Here are just a few of [Satan’s] lies: That men are smarter, have all the power, and are more important, so if we want to have influence we should be more like them; that marriage and family are confining; that motherhood is menial and a waste of any talented woman’s time; that women are perpetually frazzled and failing; and that a woman’s value is based on her size, shape and what she accomplishes outside the home. Too many women have bought these lies. Our culture is disintegrating at the speed of light, and unfortunately, our gender is doing a lot of the damage.

~Sheri Dew, ["Awake, Arise, and Come Unto Christ"
a speech given at 2008 BYU Women's Conference]

Special thanks to Liss from The Fascinating Woman for this quote.

Indeed, so many men buy into the above stereotypes as well.  Men, a Good Husband stands up for his wife, cares for her, and encourages her.  He also defends her against such abuse and goes out of his way to keep it from ever coming to her.  When he fails in his duty, he owns up to that responsibility and makes it right.  No matter how late it is at night or how much stress he’s under.

The one year anniversary of A Good Husband came and went without much fanfare (first post here).  This has been a modest project by any measurement, but I am glad that it has been met with well wishes by so many of you.  For the next few days, until after the New Year, I want to share with you some of the best posts from the last year.

Chivalry is Dead Because Men Are Killing It is a classic example of a blogger rant.  These kinds of rants are irritating when done all the time, but occasionally the passion bleeds out and people respond to it.  Chivalry is a bit of controversial topic.  Is it a good thing?  Is it an out of date byproduct of a frightening era?  You decide.

Image courtesy of think2ink.wordpress.com

Men may not comment much on Daddy Blogs. They also may not comment much on websites about how to be a good husband. Men also, apparently, don’t think much of chivalry. You know where they do comment though? They comment on websites about how women are entitlement princesses, gold diggers, and whores.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have come across a couple of blogs that I originally thought were about male empowerment and becoming a better man. As I read posts however, and read comments and participated in the discussions, I discovered that these sites were more about enabling men who don’t want to step up to the plate and make the world what it could be.

These men have several flawed arguments for not stepping up.

- Feminism teaches women to disrespect men. While certain elements of feminism are anti-male, that’s not what feminism is about. Modern feminism is about women taking their rights into their own hands, being strong enough to stand for those rights, while at the same time still owning the right to be feminine in speech, dress, and manner.

- Women don’t want men who are strong leaders. Also not true. Women want men who are good husbands, fathers, and friends. Part of being a man is stepping up and using those uniquely masculine traits to make the world a better place. Glenn Sacks can come up with all the examples he wants of crazy, spiteful women whom no one would trust. Meanwhile, there are millions of women who quietly wish their man would step up to the plate, or who proudly support the man they married - who is a strong leader in the family and the community.

- Women now get better treatment than men in the media. I wish this fallacy would go away as well. While it is definitely true that man bashing is now in vogue with the media, that doesn’t mean that the degradation of women has lessened to a noticeable degree. We still see women as sex objects in advertising, the sexualization of little girls, and depiction of women as vapid, weak willed airheads. Too bad stereotypes are such easy advertising tools.

There are men out there who step up to the plate, don’t get me wrong. If you’re a Daddy blogger reading this, you’re most likely one of them. The Daddy Bloggers of the world have to understand that we live in a skewed world view, however, and that there are still plenty of men out there who sincerely believe that:

- Chauvinism is okay.
- Men don’t have to be leaders & providers.
- Pornography, voyeurism, and casual sex are okay.
- Physical, Emotional and Sexual Abuse are okay.

So how about it? What are you doing each day to help the world be a little bit better place? Do you stand up for what it means to be a real man? Do you stand up for chivalry?

It recently came to my attention that a post that I wrote some time ago about how men are killing chivalry gained a little bit of attention.  Seems that the debate around chivalry is still alive and well.

it’s well known at this point that men are in a state of uncertainty when it comes to knowing what their role is in modern society.  With all of the success of modern feminism, women have made great strides in the areas of work and home equality.  Those achievements, however grand and beneficial, have created a great big question mark in the minds of modern men.  If women can do everything a man can do, then what should men be doing?

The discussion has not yet played itself out.  While the perception of men in the media is certainly changing, it has taken on a negative spin that many individuals and organizations have begun to protest.  Every day men are questioning everything from what kind of work they should be doing, to should they be stay at home dads, to how they should dress, to should they open the door for ladies at the mall?

The discussion isn’t going away.  I propose bringing it out in the open.  I propose the first Chivalry Blog Carnival.

The Chivalry Blog Carnival will last just 8 weeks, beginning October 21st and running through Dec 16th.  The deadline to submit articles for consideration is the Saturday before the carnival you wish to submit for.

What kind of articles should be submitted for the Chivalry Blog Carnival?

Some ideas include, but are not limited to:  the history of chivalry, history of knighthoods, how chivalry is played out in modern times, in-depth analysis of current knightly orders, a run down of the Society for Creative Anachronism, is chivalry dead, how men can incorporate the ideals of knighthood into their daily lives.

Who should submit to the Chivalry Blog Carnival?

Anyone who has a website and writes anything about chivalry.  We’re looking for a diverse view, from experts on medieval history, to modern day ladies in waiting.  We want to hear from you: is chivalry really dead?

I’ll have a badge for the carnival up soon.  Let me know if you have any additional questions.

How do I submit for the Chivalry Blog Carnival?

You can email posts to coryhuff at gmail.com.  NOTE: You must make the subject line Chivalry Blog Carnival or I probably won’t see it.  You can also use this handy submission form.

Seriously. This guy is a stud. I’m a big fan of the Ultimate Fighting Championship. I know a lot of people consider it barbaric and distasteful, but these guys are some serious athletes - even more so than boxers. This post, however, is about Georges St Pierre (or GSP, as he’s commonly called).

GSP is a gentleman in the sense of his character. While he was not wealthy or nobly born, GSP has gone from a kid who grew up in a rough and tumble neighborhood to a man with a strong sense of honor who is gracious to those he beats and those he loses to.

A true gentleman has within himself the desire and the ability to be better. Every single fight that I’ve seen, GSP has improved some aspect of his skills. Not an easy thing to do when you’re at the level that he’s at.

A gentleman doesn’t taunt his enemies. A lot of fighters do, but not GSP. He’s always gracious before and after his fights, whether he wins or loses. He even went so far as to admit he was overmatched when he fought Matt Serra and lost in the first round.

His speech is that of a gentleman. Even when he was angry in the preliminary interviews before his last fight, GSP still used polite words as he was expressing his opinion, and after the fight was over, he praised his opponent and told the crowd what a good job he did.

He reaches out the hand of fellowship after conflict is resolved. It’s so easy to hold a grudge. Remember when we were kids on the playground we got in a fight with someone? After a few punches were thrown we were usually able to walk away friends. That’s how GSP still acts. He even told the crowd that he and Matt Serra were going to go have a beer together.

Now, I don’t know if GSP acts this way in every day life, but if you can maintain this sort of sprezzatura in a martial setting, then I would imagine you can do it in day to day life. If this is the case, GSP would make an excellent husband, ladies. Besides, take a look at those abs. Who wouldn’t be excited to marry this guy?

I know Adam would (just a test to see if you read this).

Inspired by this guy —>
I don’t know where he comes from, but he’s got some good ones.

“Aw, Honey, you look tired. Why don’t I make dinner tonight.”

“Can’t your mother stay another week?”

“Let’s just cuddle tonight.”

“Why don’t you drive the remote tonight?”

“You know, I don’t know where I’m going. I’ll pull over and ask for directions.”

“Can I do the dishes for you?”

“Would you like a footrub?” (my wife’s personal favorite)

I’m a trained actor. That’s what I studied in college and what I have planned on doing with my life for a long time. Recently I took a full time day job so that my chronically ill wife could have health insurance and so that we could pay off some debt. One night my beautiful wife asked me if I regretted working at a regular job instead of pursuing acting full time.

The answer is no, of course not. I love the theatre and it is my passion, but I also love my wife and I regard the promises that I made to her as sacrosanct. Husbands have certain duties and obligations that must be filled. Meeting these obligations is far more fulfilling than achievement in a chosen profession.

A very wise man that I know named Richard Moffat gave a lesson on priorities that reflected the duties of a husband. Those priorities are, in order of importance, as follows:

1. A Higher Power. Whether you are Christian, Jew, Muslim or something else you owe your respect and diligence to something outside of yourself. Even if you are an Atheist, you will find your life more fulfilling if you have something outside of you and bigger than you to believe in. Your duty to a Higher Power should be first in your life, before everything else. If it is, then you will have the proper perspective on life and your spirit will be fed, enlarged, and enlightened.

2. Self. You are not able to help others with all your capacity if you are not functioning at your highest level. You need to make sure you are healthy, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Jesus Christ told the hypocritical Pharisees that they were “whited sepulchres full of dead men’s bones and rotting flesh,” and that before they could tell others how to act they must first “cleanse the inner vessel.”

3. Spouse. The most important person in your life is your spouse. Not your boss, mother, father, or any other. If you treat your spouse as being important, and your marriage as sacrosanct, many problems will fall away without even being noticed.

4. Church/Volunteering. Rendering service is important and good. It builds character and perspective. Notice that I put duty to a higher power above duty to your church. They’re often separate.

5. Career. Far too many men obsess about their careers. They see it as what defines them. Many men do it without realizing they are obsessing. If your career is getting in the way of your spirit, your health, or your relationship, then something is wrong. I truly believe that placing your higher power, your self, and your spouse above your career is a true key to happiness.

6. Social. Friends, football games, and backyard barbecues are wonderful, enriching, and fun. They can also be very time consuming. A husband should not let any of these things interfere with his relationship with his higher power or with his spouse. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of friends and really enjoy spending time with them, but I know where my first priorities belong.

My husband does many good deeds

1) he knew that when he went on deployment, and I was lonely he bought me a doggy so that we have a pet, but also so I am not lonley next time he goes on deployment.

2) I have a dentist appt this Thursday. Due to bad childhood, my teeth need some major work. My biggest fear is having to have all my teeth pulled and have false teeth before I’m 25. And him not loving me anymore. He’s gone above and beyond convincing me that he will love me no matter what!!!

3) In the begginning of our marriage I told him a story about how when I was really little, I had a bog cabbage patch kid and loved him so much. I described him well, and for our 1st christmas he went on ebay and found an exact replica nearly of the doll I had as a kid…I cried

Those are a few things he has done in our 1 1/2 of marriage!

See more Good Husband Deeds!

Angela Super writes:

Josh is always home before me and leaves for work before me, and since we’re a commuter couple that means he’s up before me making breakfast and coffee and home making dinner and cleaning the kitchen and house.

When I come home absolutely trashed after a 8.5-9.5 hour day because I don’t take lunches, and am damn near married to my boss and not my own husband, I want nothing more than a clean house, dinner ready, and a foot rub. Most nights, that’s exactly what I get, and to top it off, most of the time it’s with a kiss, a hug and a big huge smiling “I love you so much.”

Most people would gag and say, “Newlyweds,” but we’ve been living like this about a year before we got married. He still does it. I still love it, and I think this Valentine’s day, I might do something extra special for him (Note from AGoodHusband: check out Valentines Day gifts for him) . Nice breakfast in bed, dinner and a movie? He deserves it. He treats me like a queen every day.

See More Good Husband Deeds!

Tracy Hickman wrote an essay that I found seminal to understanding why I like books and movies like Lord of the Rings, Beowulf, and Star Wars.

The essay talks about the form of the mythic story in Western culture. From the story Beowulf to modern times, fantasy/sci fi stories contain common elements. A Hero figure leaves his home to go on a journey of unknown time or length. He goes in order to right some sort of wrong (in Beowulf’s case he’s avenging the monster’s attack on his homeland). While he is away he has experiences that force him to learn and grow as a person. After going on the journey (not always successfully completing the original task) the hero returns home, changed forever.

How does all of this relate to being a husband?

In two ways:
Men love this Fantasy of Manhood, and Husbands are often held to it.

Men love to be heroes. They like to right wrongs, fight evil, and be seen as strong. Think about “guy movies,” and all of the comic book and cartoon heroes from your childhood (some of my favorites). Little boys play as Superman, Batman, and other imaginary beings who can help save the world. They want to grow up to be just like these heroes.

As adults men we know that we don’t have superpowers, but we like to be seen as heroes to our ladies. When a woman lets us help her by fixing a problem for her, we love it. It somehow affirms out manhood. I know that whenever my wife comes to me with a problem I’m always eager to figure out how to fix whatever is wrong.

The difficulty with the Fantasy of Manhood is that it holds them to an ideal that often cannot be reached. Much has been made of how adult entertainment debases women and turns them into sex objects. The Fantasy of Manhood does the same thing to men, perhaps in an even more subtle way.

Women are turned on by relationships, by men who know how to communicate with them and are willing to go to great lengths to make them happy. It can take a long time to develop some of those skills. Also, many women like men who are able to take care of them and protect them. Those attributes are also skills that must be developed over time. The more experience a man has the better he is at communication, and the better he is at providing (his income goes up).

The Fantasy of Manhood is a useful concept in understanding relationships. It can help women better understand what motivates men, and help men understand that it’s okay to want to be a strong, heroic figure. Balance, however, must be achieved. We cannot be held to unrealistic ideals.

In future posts I am going to examine some of the mythic figures of manhood in popular culture and history. I’ll talk about what makes men like them so much, and how their stories can be related to the Fantasy of Manhood.