I decided that it would only be fair to have women wage in on the issue as well. After all, women have to be get to be with their husbands forever. We men might want to read and carefully consider what they’re looking for in a good husband.

From MooshInIndy (who, btw, is one of my favorite bloggers - I just discovered her a month ago. Everyone go tell her that she should stop by more often. She’s fabulous. Casey, I’m sorry, but I had to use that pic. You’re the one that put it on your site…)

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

To me, being a good husband means that your wife trusts you completely. It means that you are the first one she wants to talk to when she wakes up and that you are the last one she is thinking about when she falls asleep, it means that when something happens, good or bad, you are the one she wants to share it with. It means that she has enough trust in you to tell you anything, to feel safe in anything she may have to say. If she has something ridiculous to say, a fear, a joke, a worry, it means she doesn’t fear you mocking her or ridiculing her. If she has a genuine concern she needs know that you will meet her halfway, and validate her concern no matter how minuscule it may seem. Being a good husband means recognizing that women and wives are completely different creatures than men, and learning to love, nurture and coexist with them without annoying the ever loving crap out of them.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

The role of father and husband is being downplayed, it is being challenged and mocked. The media and the world would have us believe that men who can conquer all and be admired by everyone without being attached to anyone is masculine. When in reality, it is a man who loves his family, who loves his wife, who lives for his children and isn’t afraid to look silly for the happiness of another is where real masculinity lies. A man so confident in himself that he’s willing to sacrifice his pride to help those whom he loves most. (If you’ve ever seen my purse you’ll know darn well that my husband is over his ego enough to hold the huge multicolored Mary Poppins bag.) A man who can’t wait to get home to be with those who hold him in highest esteem. I love that my husband is a serious attorney all day, and yet comes home to sing my daughter the Tigger song everynight before she goes to sleep. “The wonderful thing about husbands, is husbands are wonderful things…”

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Find out quickly what makes your fiance feel loved. And for the love of pete, don’t ASK. Try out different romantic gestures and see which one brings that sparkle and light to her eyes that only you should have the ability to do. Don’t be afraid to look silly. Write her cheesy love notes, leave her gushy post-its around the house. Whisper in her ear that she looks amazing, that she smells good, that you’re lucky to be her husband. Make her dinner, do the dishes, plan an unexpected date. The more out of your comfort zone it is for you the more memorable it will be to her, your gestures don’t have to be public or outlandish. Find something secret the two of you share. Kiss her in the same spot and say the same words to her everytime you part, or fall asleep. Give her a nickname. Make it just about you two. Forge a bond so strong between the two of you that loving her becomes as second nature as breathing. But don’t forget to remind yourself how important breathing is, and how you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her giving you breath. Wow, cheesy much? Yeah, but dudes? Lots of girls love the cheese. Promise. Try and give her a reason everyday to be more in love with you than she was yesterday. After almost eight years I am more in love with my husband than I ever was before his socks were in the middle of my floor everyday and his sweaty gym clothes were stinking up my hamper. I love him so much my heart feels as if it will burst if I think about him for too long. Don’t you want that kind of hold on your lady’s heart?

From Jenny the Bloggess (who, if you don’t mind the swearing, is absolutely hilarious - and blunt…and Jenny, I’m sorry that you were transferred for reasons totally unrelated to your blogging):

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

I got nuthin’. Seriously, I have no idea because I’m not a dude but I guess what I look for in a husband is his ability to make me a better person. You can replace “a better person” with “a good amaretto sour” and it would still be just as valid.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

I don’t think there are any. Neil Patrick Harris just played a Shoe Fairy on Sesame Street and knocked it out of the [fetching] park. Seriously, he’s playing a fairy and he’s hot and everyone knows it. If an openly-gay dude playing a singing fairy with a shoe fixation can still come off as masculine then I really think all bets are off. Now put on something pink and stop worrying about what other people think.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Backrubs are the best foreplay. Not *you* getting a backrub. You *giving* a backrub. If I had to explain that, your wife is pretty much [fetched] . Also, that chair is not a closet. And close the door when you’re in the bathroom. And stop asking me why my car is so dirty. It just is. Wow. I just realized you only wanted one thing. How about this: Listen to your wife because she’s probably always right except sometimes when she’s wrong and then maybe you might need to slap her around. If that sentence sounded in anyway plausible to you then you should probably not be allowed to get married.

From Nan at Shawnanigans (if you don’t know what BragOnYourMan is, head over there and read, then let the world know how great your husband/boyfriend/significant other is - praise works wonders):

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

It means loving your wife sacrificially, owning up to your mistakes, making finding out how to love her better a hobby and a life-long pursuit… There are so very many things that being a good husband means. It means standing up boldly when boldness is needed and it means being humble when humility is called for. It means knowing when both of those times are. It means saying sorry first. It means setting a tone of respect for the rest of the family.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

I think some of the biggest challenges to masculinity today are those men who give masculinity a bad name; men who confuse machismo with with masculinity. I bet you thought I was going to say something about the “sensitive man” being more of a challenge but I don’t think so. I think masculinity gets a bad name when it is equated in large part with crudeness, sexual obsession, bulging biceps, as well as poor financial choices and bad behavior, both of which are often mislabeled with cutesy phrases like “boys and their toys” or “sowing wild oats.” A man can be far from any of those things and still be extremely masculine. He can even cook, wash dishes and do laundry and still be incredibly masculine.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Do the right thing first.

Liss from TheFascinatingWoman (who happens to be married to yours truly, and is one of the most loving, longsuffering women on the face of the planet - I adore her, funny faces and all):

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

At the most basic level a good husband is faithful (emotionally and physically), fun, and loving. The particulars will vary from woman to woman but if you can honestly say that you believe your husband to be fun, loving, and he’s faithful - emotionally and physically - you’ve got a good husband.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

Masculinity is too often defined by it’s negative aspects. Therefore, instead of self-assurance we see arrogance, instead of gallantry there’s bravado, instead of deference there is lewdness. Also, quite frankly, masculinity is having to be redefined for modern life. The sort of physical lifestyle that lent itself to daily displays of masculinity has been replaced with a swaggering machismo because that sort of lifestyle is not a part of many “modern” countries.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Think of compromise as a good thing. Too many couples think of marriage in terms of winning. I don’t know a single happy marriage where score is being kept. In the happiest marriages there is almost daily compromise - but they are having such a good time being married to one another, and are so full of love for each other that it doesn’t occur to them that they are compromise. Shoot for that - and be okay when it doesn’t happen.

With the redesign of A Good Husband I got to thinking about what I was doing when I started.  Originally I wanted to know what other guys were thinking about marriage and what it means to be a man.  At the time I asked friends and family what they thought. What does it mean to be a good husband, a good man?  What are the challenges that men face today?

One of the great things about blogging over the last 9 months has been meeting some of the great minds on what it means to be a man.  If you don’t know anything about these guys who are giving their opinions below, then you need to take a visit over to their sites and get some great insights.

Corey Allen, The Simple Marriage Project

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

According to who? The wife or the husband? There may be drastically different answers from each. To me however, that’s the beautiful thing about the differences between men and women. If we all say things the same, how boring would that be? So what makes a good husband? A man who leads his family by example. His yes means yes and his no means no. A man willing to accept his wife’s influence in his own life. It seems many men are threatened by their wife. If I “give in” to her, I’m a wimp. Wrong, it’s not about giving in, it’s about being honest with her and her doing the same with you.  The other component of a good husband is a man who treats his marriage as important. This may seem like a no-brainer, but many men seem to think being a goof father is enough. You were most likely a husband before you were a father, and the fact is, your kids will one day leave you and your wife. Love your wife, pursue her heart, fight for her, even if this means choosing her over your kids at times. It’s a great example of marriage for your children.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

Men today lack good role models of masculinity. Their dads have checked out, or never were in the game. What’s modeled in society and Hollywood is often poor masculinity. But the biggest threat today is for men to become the “nice guy” rather than live from his heart. It’s often easier to keep quite rather than speak up. To give up rather than lead. Masculinity is more than hunting on the weekends, playing sports in your 30s or owning a truck. It’s about following your heart and inspiring your family to do the same.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Spend time learning how to listen to your wife. Laugh with her, love her, invite her into an adventure larger than herself. Now that you’ve “won her” by getting her to marry you, your pursuit is not over. Pursue her everyday!

Brett McKay from ArtofManliness.com:

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

Being a good husband means being a rock for your wife. Be the man that gives your wife confidence that things will be just fine, even when it looks like the world is falling in.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

That we expect so little from men.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Find your best friend and marry her and don’t hold off to marry until you think things are “right.” If you’re with somebody, you love her, and you can imagine spending the rest of your life with her, take the plunge. No need to put it off.

Brett Nordquist, the Nordquist Blog:

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

It means being a good listener and being tuned in to the needs of my family. This was easier when we didn’t have children. But with 4 kids and many distractions, it’s more difficult to focus on listening because my first instinct is to fix the problem. But the better I’m able to listen to my spouse and my kids, the better husband I become.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

I’m not sure this counts as an actual challenge but my daughter’s teacher was surprised I was the only father to go on all three field trips throughout the year. Is it still more acceptable to have mom’s take part in those activities or do we live in a society that makes it difficult for men to take off work to participate in their children’s education?

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Decide early on what your priorities are and communicate that to your spouse. I decided early on that my top priority would be my family. This means I’ve had to sacrifice a few promotions that went to people willing to work 80 hour weeks. I’ve told my wife and my boss what my priorities are which has possibly hurt my career. But the benefits to my family have outweighed any issues at work. It’s good to get this out of the way earlier on before you’re in a career that’s controlling you and your time.

Tyler from BuildingCamelot.com:

What does is it mean to be a good husband?

Being a good husband today is challenging to men because it requires being both sensitive to the needs of your wife while being strong and protective of her at the same time. The balance between those two can often be thrown out of balance by many different factors and can cause serious harm to both the husband and the wife. A good husband must strive to find the right balance between strength and support so he can help move his marriage forward in the right direction.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?

I think one of the biggest challenges men face is trying to define what masculinity really is. There are too many men out there between the ages of 20 and 40 that struggle with defining what masculinity really is because they didn’t have a father in their life. If they did have a father he probably wasn’t much of one to learn from. Combine these men with women who grew up in similar households and men really begin to struggle with how to be masculine without turning out like their own father.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?

Just one piece of advice? After I wrote the five things that surprised me most about marriage and having my wife read it with mixed results, I’d have to say “be brutally honest with your wife”. Even if you’re scared of what she might say, it’s far better to be open and honest than trying to live your life with someone while trying to keep secrets. Honestly is not always easy but I’m beginning to realize that it’s easier than avoiding discussions and creating resentment in your marriage.

After a week of fixing things and tweaking, and praying and cursing, the site is back up, minus just a little customized header that I can’t make work.  If anyone’s a WP guru who wants to take on a project, let me know.  I’d love to get my beautiful, self made, totally stunning header back on this page.  Let me know what you think of the new digs.

Isn’t it beautiful?

1. Decide what romantic thing you’re going to do for your spouse this week. Could be anything.  From as simple as giving a foot rub to planning a romantic date, to planning a romantic vacation, the idea is for you to do something.

2. Let us know what you’re going to plan by leaving a comment below. If you want it to be a surprise, then just give a general idea (I’m planning a date), or, if it will help you get rolling, leave as much detail as you want to.

3. Let us know what will motivate you to make sure it happens.  Plan a reward for yourself, or plan consequences if you fail, but make sure that it happens!  My goal as A Good Husband is to help inspire all the guys out there to go the extra mile, and, even more so, to make sure that I go the extra mile.  I want my wife to know that she is incredibly special, and this is a great way for me to do that.

This week my wife is going back to college.  It’s been a long road for her, but she’s finally getting back and I’m very excited for her.  I even volunteered for extra chores.  So, here’s the deal: I promised her that I would make sure that the apartment is clean and organized on Monday and Wednesday evenings when she gets home from her night classes.  In addition, I’m going to do the laundry.  That’s usually her chore, but I can take it over for a week.  I’ll feel all self-congratulatory and everything.

Hey, besides all this, with the advent of my new Wordpress upgrade, I’m hosting a little re-invention of this blog.  When I started back in December of last year, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery.  I was wondering what it really means to be a good husband.  Since then, I’ve met some amazing people that inform me daily what it means to be a better man and husband.  I’m going to share with you some of their insights this week.  See you tomorrow!

I’m still here, and I’m still alive.  There should be some sort of rule that says if you’re not a web designer or otherwise technical person, then you aren’t allowed to do your own Blogger to Wordpress migration.  The site is pretty much done now.  I’ve got a few more posts to move over, and I’ve got a whole mess of comments to copy/paste, but you can all come and visit me again.  I’d like that.

To the 100 or so readers who left me this week: come back, I miss you.  I’ve worked through my issues, and I promise to give you the attention you deserve.

To those who have linked to me in the past: please update your links.  WP apparently stores the permalinks differently than Blogger does, so if you linked to any specific post, then that link is dead now.  You’ll do us both a favor by updating that link.

Onward and upward!  More great posts and advice coming this next week.

AGoodHusband.net is relaunching with new design, new posts, and a whole new attitude.  Thank you for your time and patience, and please come back to visit soon!

Update: This Blogger to Wordpress migration was supposed to go very smoothly.  WP even has a button built in to do it, but for some reason it didn’t work.  I’m re-posting each article by hand as we speak, so it looks like there’s going to be a day or two of down time for the site.  I’ve had some really great experts look at this thing, but it looks like there’s nothing to be done but do it all by hand.  So much for ease of use, eh?

I appreciate everyone’s support and encouragement, and I hope to have the site back up to speed soon, although I will probably lose a lot of comments by the time I’m done.  Thanks everybody!

My beautiful wife has an Amazon wish list and her birthday is coming up. I’m not stressed out at all. Guys, if your wife doesn’t have one of these, it should be standard operating procedure. I can’t tell you how much stress this takes off of getting birthday, Christmas, or making up gifts. Plus, it’s a great way to find out what kind of expensive gifts your wife likes, so that you can save up for them…

After attending Cre8Con last week and meeting so many cool creative people, I realized that I desperately need to get some business cards made. As if by magic, enter ArtofManliness’ guide to the Calling Card. If you don’t know what a calling card is, think about old movies when guys would put their card on the butler’s silver tray and the butler would announce the person to the owner of the house. They worked for social visits, business calls, and for courting. Now, AoM is bringing sexy back with the Calling Card - and I’m joining him. I’ll post pictures when I get them done.

Comments:

2 comments:

Tyler @ Building Camelot said…

I can’t wait to see your calling cards when they come in!
Also, can you write up a little about how you approached your wife about ordering them? I can see my wife now; “You want to order what? What the hell for?”

September 12, 2008 1:59 PM

Nan said…

Thanks for the link! I promise I didn’t steal your ideas! :^P I found your site after I started mine when I was looking for good related links to share! :^D

September 12, 2008 3:22 PM

What do you do after you get in a fight with your spouse?  Do you buy roses?  Do you buy candy?  Do you talk it out until you both feel better?  How about sitting up with your wife all night long, listening to her talk, sitting by her while she reads and just keeping her company.  Would that work?  It has for us, in the past.

You see, sometimes your spouse just wants to know that you care.  Sometimes it’s nicer to just be there.

Marriages work best when you are willing to put in something that isn’t necessarily easy or convenient.  Sometimes your partner is stressed out, maybe even a little bit unreasonable.  Be there for them anyway.  It’s that simple act of caring, that staying up all night even though you have work in the morning, with a big meeting and a deadline that won’t budge - that’s what says you love your partner.

One might argue that you’d be better off if you were good enough at communicating that you didn’t get into fights in the first place, and sure, you’d be right.  Marriages aren’t perfect.  Mine isn’t, anyway.  It’s not really supposed to be, though, and that’s the thing.  In practicality, however, there aren’t too many marriages that can say they don’t ever fight.  Some people might even consider marriage without fighting akin to playing flag football: what’s the point?  I don’t really subscribe to that philosophy, but it is definitely the rough moments in life that make us who we are.

Cheesy metaphor alert: When I was 19 years old, my bishop told me that river stones, prized for their beauty and smoothness, become the way they are because they spend their entire existence being tossed around by waves, bashed up against other rocks, and polished smooth by time and water pressure.  We are like those stones.  Life washes over us, tosses us around, but makes us beautiful.  Be like the river rock, and just roll with it.

Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do, like staying up all night (you new dads know what I’m talking about, right).  Good husbands do it all night long.

8 comments:

Brett Nordquist said…

That’s very good advice. Early in my marriage I’d sit by but I’d run my mouth, ask questions and basically make the situation worse. Only lately have I been able to just sit back and listen or rub her feet or just be in the same room with her instead of sitting at the computer. Great post.

September 11, 2008 12:21 AM

Anonymous said…

Your Bishop is one smart dude. That’s memorable advice, visual as well. I’ll add a bit more advice: If you can’t just sit and listen but feel you are drawn into the conversation, “Bite your tongue’. If still you feel a need to open your mouth please have the decency to ban from your mouth the words: I, but, always and never. Trust me!

September 11, 2008 10:38 AM

Tyler @ Building Camelot said…

I wish my wife and I had more time to just sit and talk. With two kids we barley have time to brush our teeth! I like the analogy of the river stone…I guess I have a long way to go to get smoothed out because I still have some rough edges.

September 11, 2008 1:39 PM

MammaDawg said…

YOU.

Are a sweet man. It’s incredible how clearly you can see what works.

See it. Accept it. Do it.

Loooove it!

September 11, 2008 9:59 PM

Scott @ The Passive Dad said…

Can I be a guy for a second and say, “What’s that gutter cleaner remote control thing?” Do you actually have one? I hate cleaning my gutters and paying someone else to do it.

Ok. Back to your post. Yep, I try and listen more, it’s tough, but I’m trying.

September 12, 2008 3:39 PM

A Good Husband said…

@Scott - I don’t own that robot thing. It’s just a picture that I found online. Pretty cool though. I don’t have gutters, but if I did, I’d clean them with that thing.

September 12, 2008 5:51 PM

TheFatherLife.com said…

You’re so right; we guys are usually so focused on the big things that we overlook the seemingly little things that matter most… good post! - Ben Murphy / TheFatherLife.com

September 12, 2008 6:14 PM

TheFatherLife.com said…

And wow! Yeah, I want a robo-gutter-cleaner! -B

September 12, 2008 6:15 PM

I’ve been working from wherever I could steal an internet connection for the last two weeks. You see, with the recent move, Comcast decided that they needed 3 weeks notice to turn on the Internet, and then when I had to reschedule, they needed to move it out another 2 weeks. Can anyone tell me why there has to be a person who comes to your apartment to turn on your cable internet, even though the person who was there previously had it so we know there’s no connection problems? Free 200×200 ad spot on this blog if you can give me a really good explanation.

Now, this week:

1. Decide what romantic thing you’re going to do for your spouse this week. Could be anything. From as simple as giving a foot rub to planning a romantic date, to planning a romantic vacation, the idea is for you to do something.

2. Let us know what you’re going to plan by leaving a comment below. If you want it to be a surprise, then just give a general idea (I’m planning a date), or, if it will help you get rolling, leave as much detail as you want to.

3. Let us know what will motivate you to make sure it happens. Plan a reward for yourself, or plan consequences if you fail, but make sure that it happens! My goal as A Good Husband is to help inspire all the guys out there to go the extra mile, and, even more so, to make sure that I go the extra mile. I want my wife to know that she is incredibly special, and this is a great way for me to do that.

Last week I said that I was going to be there for my wife to help her paint our apartment. Apparently last week was bad timing for both of us, because neither of us put forth much effort to get it done. Does it count as a strike against me if my wife didn’t want to paint either?

This week I need to do something extra nice for my wife. Some long time readers may remember me talking about the heart condition that she has. This week she’s visiting the doctor. It turns out there’s some new research that shows some improvements in treatment of her condition. We’re hoping it will apply to her case. If so, it could be huge for us, especially for her. I’m asking for your prayers and your support.

We’re still supposed to paint this week, but the really big thing is helping her through the mess that is our modern medical system. Wish us luck!

3 comments:

Hayden Tompkins said…

“Apparently last week was bad timing for both of us, because neither of us put forth much effort to get it done.”

It just means you wanted to enjoy your new love nest!

September 8, 2008 8:24 AM

orlund said…

Internet companies want to make sure the cable is tightly screwed on by a fully qualified tech. It requires a high school diploma which some people don’t have. OK that’s a bad reason but if you like it you are welcome to paste my face in the 200×200 ad spot on your blog.

September 8, 2008 12:21 PM

Russ said…

Re: Comcast

I don’t work for Comcast, but I work for another company in their high speed internet technical support department and I can only speak for the way we do things.

With us (and probably with Comcast, too), we measure our calls with “first call resolution” agenda. This means that when you call, we want to resolve the issue without requiring you to call back a second (or third, etc.) time. In order to achieve this goal, we need to verify that all the existing hardware is working. While the representative on the phone can activate your internet by flipping a switch, it is generally not done this way. The reason is that if there is a fault in the cable run somewhere, your internet might be spotty, slow, intermittent, or it might not even work at all. This could require a second call, which generally causes more frustration to the customer, and costs us more than if we had dispatched a technician to come out in the first place. So, to save the frustration of going through the “it doesn’t work” back and forth motions, we will generally dispatch a technician for new service, even if existing wiring is in place.

Unfortunately, if given the choice, most people would elect to “flip the switch” and if it doesn’t work, users would get frustrated and blame the service provider when it was the internal wiring that was at fault. It is much easier for everyone involved to have a technician dispatched to the location to verify the installation and test the connection on site.

As far as the two and three weeks out for a technician to come on site.. well, unfortunately, the cable and phone companies have been quite busy lately with all the upgrades to high speed internet. We aren’t quite that far out with dispatches, but I’ve seen them go out as far as 3 or 4 days.

Hope this helps. =P

You know exactly who I’m talking about. I might be a little bit late to the game talking about this, but internet interruptions aside (I just moved and my connection in the new place is spotty at best until Monday, but I digress), I had to take a moment to respond to some of the morons that commented on Derek Semmler’s fantastic post on 8 Tips for More Action in the Bedroom.

It’s not what you think. Most articles with titles like these end up in magazines like Men’s Health or Maxim, and the articles are about getting vapid, shallow little girls to sleep with vapid, shallow little you. Derek’s not like that. He wrote an eye popping title for a post that basically amounted to saying something like, “Treat your wife like you love her, pay attention to what she likes in bed, and she’ll respond better than you think.” Many men know this. I thought most men knew this.

Boy, was I wrong.

Derek’s post hit the front page of Digg.com, which means he had about a zillion visits to that post in an hour, and while most of the female comments were pretty positive, it seems as though every cretin on the Internet found his way to the comment section and decided to let all of us know why the feminist movement started in the first place.

Take this comment for instance:

Apparently a man has to club a woman over the head and drag her by her hair back to his cave in order to be a real man. Wait, I thought that ended with Neanderthals. If these are the people who use Digg, then I don’t need their traffic.

And, finally:

It’s guys like these that give the rest of the good men in the world a bad name. Good husbands everywhere should feel angry about these men. Perhaps if we could just find them, drag them into the street and …well, not euthanize them, but just educate them, the world would be a better place.

8 comments:

Anonymous said…

Let me begin by saying that I agree completely that those comments are chauvinistic, and that we men should do all they can to show the loves of their lives just how important they are to us.

On the other hand, I don’t think we get anywhere good by comparing and competing. 10 hours more housework? Well, that’s just asking to be reminded of just how much other work a husband does, too.

We each have different roles to play. But when there’s love between two people, you learn to stop counting the chores and favors. That post IS great, in that it encourages men to give not only money and things, but also time and thought. Sometimes it takes that reminder.

But the title is the real problem. It marginalizes the roles by implying that her expressions of love are won by playing the game her way. Tit for tat. Favors for sex. It’s attention-grabbing. I really wouldn’t expect that post to make the front page of Digg with a more accurate/tame title. But don’t be surprised when it grabs the attention of the wrong sorts of people. Though, getting this message out to those sort of men is a noble cause.

The best comment on that post? Here it is:
“If you need this article, you have never had sex a second time with any woman.”

September 5, 2008 6:51 AM

Russ said…

Meh, thats the Digg mentality for you. Considering Digg users marked the Art of Manliness as spam, the comments aren’t really surprising. I’m with you; if that is the kind of traffic Digg brings in, I’d rather not have their visits.

I sort-of agree that the original article was more about showing your wife you care, but that in itself can lead to more (or better) sex, so the list was quite accurate and gave good advice.

September 5, 2008 7:28 AM

Untypically Jia said…

I’m honestly amused by all the men who can proudly stand up and say, “We don’t need to trade favors for sex!” But do you ever wonder how often your women trade sex for favors?

In plenty of relationship books, tapes, DVDs for women, they always say that if we want more emotional connection, help around the house, etc, we need to be having more sex. It’s not that sex bothers us, or it’s not great, but you better believe that if afterward we catch you doing the dishes, you’re gonna get it A LOT more often! So in a sense, we do work on a trade, and YES you do need to work with us.

And if listening to us talk, or heaven forbid taking out the trash, maybe those types of “macho” men should dish out hundreds of dollars to catch some STD from a hooker, just don’t bring it back home!

September 5, 2008 9:54 AM

Hayden Tompkins said…

Um. Can I just say I am TOTALLY turned on when my husband does some housework? It makes me feel appreciated and loved and cared for. I am filled with my love for him and our relationship and want to connect with him as deeply as possible.

It’s not so much the housework, as what it represents.

@Cory, this was HYSTERICAL.

“…the articles are about getting vapid, shallow little girls to sleep with vapid, shallow little you.”

September 5, 2008 10:19 AM

Tyler @ Building Camelot said…

Nice write up Cory. I didn’t realize that his article hit the front page of Digg. This article is the final nail in the coffin for Digg for me. I get nothing out of reading Digg anymore.

I just can’t believe that you’re calling Randy Savage a Neanderthal Macho Man…oh wait…nevermind.

September 5, 2008 9:29 PM

Laurie said…

Great points. I’m with Hayden. It’s what the help represents. And you guys need to remember, women are like crock pots. The more you pay attention to your wife during the day with a kiss as you pass, a sweet word, a special look, the more eager she is to be with you later in the day. It’s like having foreplay all day long! You guys wouldn’t oppose that would you?

September 6, 2008 9:12 PM

orlund said…

Good post. There are lots of men who don’t know how to treat women. That’s why I think it is so important for us dad’s to model a good relationship with our wives for our daughters to learn what a good man is. It is also important to build a relationship with our daughters where they will be open to talk about boys with their dad so we can provide them with our wisdom and influence.

September 7, 2008 8:51 AM

Derek said…

Cory, thanks for taking a look at my post and breaking down the reaction of both the men and women. If you want more alarming comments, take a look at those left on the digg site. Yikes!

I think that there is a growing group of men, including you and me, that are trying to educate and enlighten the men that act like this through the words on our blogs. As a father, I work hard to educate both of my boys as well to ensure that they learn how to treat a woman and have a healthy relationship with the love of their life.

Thanks again Cory!

September 7, 2008 1:59 PM

The Month of August was a big month for A Good Husband. I started meeting a lot of the Mommy Bloggers out there and it’s been a fun ride. Most of these mommy bloggers also happen to be married, so it was interesting discussing marriage with them.

Take a look at these popular posts from the month of August, and enjoy!

What Women Think of Daddy Blogging - A guest post series on what women bloggers think of sites like A Good Husband and others.
When is it Time to Give Up On Marriage? - A reader question with a lot of great feedback from other readers. Have you put much thought into this?
How I Would Do My Wedding Differently - I would re-do my wedding. In fact, I probably will some day. Read how.
Announcing Husband & Dads! - If you haven’t visited HusbandsandDads.com yet, do it!
Father-Son Relationships and Marriage - A personal story of how I overcame my relationship with the male role models in my life and became a better husband.