These posts on Lifestyle Design & Marriage have been detailing ways to have an easy four step relationship review each week.  In previous posts we’ve learned how to:

• Perform a weekly planning routine.
• Discuss important family business.

Now, after you’ve spent roughly 30 minutes on the previous two topics, you can move on to Testimony Time.  Here’s the quote from the original relationship review post.

“Companionship Inventory is a left over from when I was a full time missionary in Vancouver, Canada. As such, testimony time is a time to share with each other our feelings about what really matters - our spirituality. Some people may not feel comfortable with this, but for the two of us, it’s an intrinsic part of our lives and our marriage. Your testimony time could just include your thoughts on what’s really important to you or what you’ve been thinking about during that week. It’s often the most fulfilling part of our Companionship Inventory.”

Whether you and your spouse share the same religion or not, it’s important to talk about what you believe.  Do you still believe the same things?  How has your belief grown or changed this week?  Usually this is brief.  We each share a short story or anecdote that impacted our faith that week, and what that event meant to us.

If you are not religious, or if you are not comfortable talking about religion with each other, then you could discuss other important things.  I suggest you discuss what you’re grateful for that week, or what good thing happened to you.  No matter how bad things are, something good had to happen that week.  Life is full of those tender little mercies.

My question for you: Do you discuss your religion or spirituality with your spouse on a regular basis?  Why or why not?

I shaved this morning.  I normally maintain a 2 - 3 day scruff, so it feels a little odd to be clean shaven and then posting that on the interweb, but here ya go.  Also, yesterday when I mentioned that I’d be posting pics, I conveniently forgot that my camera is broken, so I’ll be posting cellphone pics until I get a new camera.

If you care to donate money to fight Prostate Cancer, please click here.

Did you know that most men spend an average of 2 - 5 minutes with their doctor when they visit, and that men visit the doctor about half as much as women?  We may be tough, but apparently we’re also a little stubborn.

Go get screened for Prostate Cancer! Especially if you’re approaching your mid-40’s.

Did mention I’m a hairy beast?  I sent Tyler at Building Camelot an email with a formal challenge.  I told him that I can grow a bigger moustache than he can.  I think he’s chicken and won’t respond to my challenge.

Charlie Kondek, awesome planner of vacations for men, is the one who turned me on to Movember.  Let’s see if he can lay it down.  Charlie, haven’t heard from you in a while.  Where you at?

Hey, you other Mo Bros out there: anyone else want to take me on?  I bet I can grow a bigger moustache than any of you.

The month of November is official Prostate Cancer Awareness month.  To promote this awareness, a bunch of bloggers in Australia started an event called Movember.  A “Mo” is Australian slang for moustache.  Movember participants grow a moustache to raise awareness for men’s health issues.

And I’m participating.  That’s right, I’m growing a moustache.

And I’m challenging you to do the same.

I’ll be starting by shaving tomorrow morning, Movember 1st.  I’ll post pictures tomorrow and once each week so you can see the progress of this beautiful face.

I encourage you to grow your own Mo.  It can be any style, and size, but if you participate, you can create your own donation page on the official Movember website.  If you want to participate by donating money, you can go to this page.  Enter Cory Huff as the person you are donating on behalf of, and give money for men’s health!

Some facts about Prostate Cancer:

What is it?

Prostate cancer occurs when the cells of the prostate begin to grow uncontrollably. When caught and treated early, prostate cancer has a cure rate of over 90%.

More than 186,000 men in the US will be diagnosed with prostate cancer this year.

What is the prostate?

The prostate is a small gland about the size of a walnut that sits under the bladder and in front of the rectum. The urethra, the narrow tube that runs the length of the penis and that carries both urine and semen out of the body, runs directly through the prostate; the rectum, or the lower end of the bowel, sits just behind the prostate and the bladder.

What are the symptoms of prostate cancer?

If the cancer is caught at its earliest stages, most men will not experience any symptoms. Some men, however, will experience symptoms that might indicate the presence of prostate cancer, including:

- A need to urinate frequently, especially at night;
- Difficulty starting urination or holding back urine;
- Weak or interrupted flow of urine;
- Painful or burning urination;
- Difficulty in having an erection;
- Painful ejaculation;
- Blood in urine or semen; or
- Frequent pain or stiffness in the lower back, hips, or upper thighs.

Because these symptoms can also indicate the presence of other diseases or disorders, men who experience any of these symptoms will undergo a thorough work-up to determine the underlying cause of the symptoms.

What are the treatments for prostate cancer?

There is no “one size fits all” treatment for prostate cancer, so each man must learn as much as he can about various treatment options and, in conjunction with his physicians, make his own decision about what is best for him.

For more information about available treatment options at each stage of disease, order a copy of the Prostate Cancer Foundation’s free guide “Report to the Nation on Prostate Cancer: A Guide for Men and Their Families” from http://www.prostatecancerfoundation.org/guide

For more information about prostate cancer, please visit the Prostate Cancer Foundation’s website: www.prostatecancerfoundation.org

Come back tomorrow for updates and pictures, and subscribe to A Good Husband’s RSS feed (or email delivery) for future automatic updates.

A reader, we’ll call him Bob, asked the following question:

What were some of the tough issues you faced in the first 2 years of your marriage? Right now my wife and I are going through some changes within ourselves and we are finding hard to come together and come up with things that make us happy. Have you faced this and what where some things you did?

I can honestly say, Bob, that our marriage almost ended in the first year.  We faced a tough situation.  We were young (21 and 19), poor (neither of us had a full time job), and in college.  I was an only child, my wife was 2 of 9.  We were so in love, but we really set ourselves up for a difficult situation.  We also came from emotionally difficult backgrounds.

The hardest thing about those first two years was not only dealing with all of that, but also learning how to be married.  We went in with unrealistic expectations.

We each thought that we had to be perfect, and we each demanded perfection of the other.  It took some unlearning.

We had to learn to allow each other to be who we were.

We had to learn to disagree without fighting.

All that said, we did it.  We love each other so very much, and our marriage is solid.  You ask what tough situations we faced, but it’s not really about that.  The situations that we faced are different from what you face (although perhaps not that different - more on that in a moment).  What matters is learning to deal with the situations as they come up.  You must learn the principles of what makes a good marriage.

Now, as for specific situations, I have shared a few of those on this blog.  I would like to open it up to readers and allow them to share some of their stories.  What difficult situations have you dealt with early in marriage, and what did you do?  How did you handle it?

Bob wants to know.

Some time ago, my wife’s parents celebrated their 25th anniversary.  I can’t even imagine what 25 years married will look like. 

My wife and I were discussing what our marriage goals are and we decided that one that we both share is to be that old couple that everyone goes “wow” at when they hear how long they’ve been married.  How cool would that be?

Some people laugh in scorn and derision at the idea of a blissfully happy couple.  They might think that all a couple can be after 25 years together is annoyed and quarrelsome.  My wife can attest that her father’s temper has gone away over the last 25 years, and her mother is more motherly and loving now than ever.

At our silver anniversary, we will probably be that couple laughing behind our hands as people ask us for sage advice on how we did it, what’s the secret?  We’ll tell them pithy things like “never go to be angry, communicate, and put your partner first.”  Then we’ll laugh as we’re capering out of the party.

The real secret to our marriage has been the ability to laugh at ourselves and not take things so seriously.  Marriage is challenging enough as it is.  Lighten up!  We’ve been married six years.  In that time it doesn’t seem like a lot has happened, but in the 25 years since my in-laws were married:

• The 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center & the Pentagon.
• War in Iraq & Afghanistan.
• The Microwave
• The Berlin Wall fell
• The USSR fell
• The stock market crashed - 3 times.
• The Challenger Space Shuttle blew up
• The Internet was invented

Through all of that, their love has grown and become stronger.  They are more together now than they’ve ever been, and that’s how I want Lissie and I to be.  I look forward to it.  Could there be anyone luckier than a young couple with 19 years to go until their 25th anniversary?

I didn’t think so.

http://www.untwistedvortex.com/2008/10/08/my-pending-silver-25th-year-anniversary-wedding/

25th anniversary

Yesterday Lissie and I spent the afternoon talking about our future.  What are our marriage goals?  What do we want to do over the next few years.  It’s fun to sit and have these kinds of discussions.  Some of the things that we’ve got going on in the near future:

• Attending an adoption workshop.  We want to adopt.  They want to teach.  Seems like a good fit.
• More medical testing.  For her, not me.  That ‘ole heart issue doesn’t go away, and the doctor thinks that the tilt test will be helpful.  My wife has her doubts.
• Starting a business?  Who knew that this website could launch a business?  Stay tuned for details on that.

Anyway, you know the drill:

1. Decide what romantic thing you’re going to do for your spouse this week. Could be anything. From as simple as giving a foot rub to planning a romantic date, to planning a romantic vacation, the idea is for you to do something.

2. Let us know what you’re going to plan by leaving a comment below. If you want it to be a surprise, then just give a general idea (I’m planning a date), or, if it will help you get rolling, leave as much detail as you want to.

3. Let us know what will motivate you to make sure it happens. Plan a reward for yourself, or plan consequences if you fail, but make sure that it happens! My goal as A Good Husband is to help inspire all the guys out there to go the extra mile, and, even more so, to make sure that I go the extra mile. I want my wife to know that she is incredibly special, and this is a great way for me to do that.

This week I’m going to use one of those things that I learned from Dr. Phil’s book: asking the question, “What can I do to show you I love you?”  We all know that it’s a little difficult to always know what our wives want, and Dr. Phil (whether you are a fan or not) hits upon a good suggestion here.  Sometimes your wife has a specific need and asking her what it is can be the perfect way to show her you care.

If I don’t do this by the end of the day today, I will buy her a dozen roses.  I’d rather save the money, but the gesture never hurts…right?

Ladies, do your husbands a favor and let them know what they can do to help you feel loved this week.

Guys, what are you going to do for your wives this week?

It’s Fall, almost Winter, and there are great activities that you can do for last minute dates that only come around this time of year.  If you’re looking for something to do with your sweetheart and (like me) often fail to plan something in advance, here are a few easy ideas:

Go see the Fall colors. Women appreciate beautiful things, guys.  Go somewhere you can see the colorful trees and take a walk with your honey.  If you have the time, fill a thermos with hot cocoa or hot tea to stay warm.  Don’t forget to pack an extra sweater or a blanket.  While you’re out on your walk, see how big a leaf you can find, or if you can find leaves that are multi-colored.

Carve a Pumpkin.  Stop by your local grocery store (if your area isn’t suffering from a Pumpkin shortage this year) and grab a pumpkin and two child safe carving knives.  Sit in your backyard or throw some newspaper down on the living room floor and go to town.

What other last minute date ideas do you have for the Fall?

Image Courtesy BusinessReporter.com

I think most married couples probably talk about Business.  Business, in marriage, is the all encompassing term for childcare, long term planning, finances, household chores, all the stuff that makes a home run well. Step two of the 4 Step Relationship Review is Business.  In the original post, I wrote:

Next we mostly talk about finances - what major expenditures we might have this week or in the near future, planning dates, housekeeping issues, future plans like long term goals.

Lately Lissie and I have been talking about future plans quite a bit.  When we started doing this, we were in college and most of the business section revolved around money.

Our recent discussions have centered on children.  We know we want to have kids, but we are just discussing timing and whether to adopt or go for pregnancy.  We also discuss the division of labor.  We made a deal when we first got married: she does laundry, I do dishes.  Sometimes during the Business section of the Review, we discuss doing something different or in addition to what we normally do.

Lately, we also use the Business section to discuss specific long term goals.  We’re starting to take advantage of the lull in our schedules to participate in Dreamlining - Tim Ferriss’ word for brainstorming goals.  We have always thrown out ideas for things we’d like to do in the future, but now we’re starting to get serious about our goals, and the Relationship Review is the perfect time to talk about them.

I am all for being green.  I love the beauty of the environment, and I definitely think that farmer’s market food is better than the under-ripe stuff you buy at the supermarket chains.  Other than that though, I’m not much of an environmentalist.

My wife, on the other hand, is totally into the whole, organic, slow cooked, home garden movement…thing.  She’s even reading this book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle:

Where does the Turkey Porn part come in?  She was reading this book and wanted to share something with me.  I was engrossed in something else (probably writing for this blog), and wasn’t listening.  She insisted, and after a while, I gave in and listened.  She then went on to read, from the book, about how Barbara Kingsolver tried to get her turkeys to have sex.  It was a mystery to her as to why they wouldn’t breed, and she described, in great detail, trying to get the turkeys in every sort of…um, well, position, that she could think of.

Apparently five years ago there were no turkey sex manuals available.  Of course, now there are turkey sex manuals all over.

We were both laughing so hard that it hurt.

Lesson?  Be interested in what your spouse is interested in, even if it’s just in passing.  These are the moments that make for great memories.

Photo Courtesy TheConciergeCrew.com

Yesterday I wrote about Lifestyle Design and Marriage. Several months ago I wrote about a four step Relationship Review process that my wife and I go through each Sunday that has helped our marriage immensely. Funnily enough, the Relationship Review works well for guys and girls. Guys like it because it requires concrete, step by step action (you can even set a time limit, if you want), and girls like it because they get to talk and spend time with you focusing on what’s important to most girls: relationships.

Over the next four posts, I want to explain the Relationship Review and how it relates to Lifestyle Design in greater detail.

Step 1: Weekly Planning

We whip out our calendars and (quickly) go over what we have planned for the week, one at a time. We skip repetitive things like work or classes and instead focus on what we’re doing during the evenings and weekends that will interfere with our time together or that we might need the other’s help or presence for. Specific items might include: dinner parties, things we need the car for, going out with friends so I can’t see you then, study groups, or a myriad of other things.

In the beginning, this might seem like it would take a long time, and in truth when we first started doing it, we spent nearly an hour on planning our week. After some practice, it only takes us about 15 minutes now.  We let each other know:

• When we’re going to be gone more than normal work/school hours.  It’s nice to know when you’re going to be able to see your partner.  Most of us live busy lives and knowing each other’s schedules allows for fitting time for each other in.
• We plan our weekend date & other events.  We have a goal of two planned dates per month as part of our ongoing courtship.  Knowing that you plan dates will increase your wife’s feelings of respect and admiration.  Planning other events that you’ll be attending together gives her the opportunity to plan what to wear, plan to find a sitter, and makes her feel like she’s an important part of your life.
• We also plan when we’re going to have alone time.  When you are prioritizing your life, it’s important to make sure that you make time for yourself.  Sharpening the saw, priming the pump, whatever you want to call it.  Having a little bit of alone time each week is important for most men.

Do any of you do anything like this?  What kind of success have you had with weekly planning?  What have your challenges been?