This Good Husband is about much more than just marriage advice.  He does a lot of things besides be married.  The editorial board is exploring options on what to write about in addition marriage (and yes, things to add to the tagline).  Some of the suggestions are:

• My work in sales/sales advice.
• The world of the Theatre.
• Mormonism.
• Internet Marketing.

All of these topics have been touched upon at some point over the last year, but I’m thinking of writing more overtly about these things.  The question is would you, the reader, be more interested in reading about those things here on A Good Husband, or on a seperate blog?

Vote on the side panel, let me know any thoughts you have in the comments below.

In 1915, Joseph F. Smith, then President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints introduced what has now come to be called the Family Home Evening program. The church encouraged every family to set aside Monday nights as a special time when the family would spend that time together in their home, strengthening their relationships and teaching each other.

Today Family Home Evening, or FHE, is an integral part of LDS church members’ lives. The program has been recognized by other churches, governments, and activist organizations the world over as a positive program that helps build strong marriages and raise healthy and happy children.

While FHE is primarily focused on families, FHE can be a strong marriage builder as well. My wife and I don’t have children, but we hold Family Home Evening each week.

How to Hold Family Home Evening.

Usually FHE includes an opening prayer, a song, scripture, lesson, activity, treat & finally a closing prayer. LDS.org has a really useful page for planning and running FHE, so there’s no need to recreate all of that information here, but know that it’s not intended to be a formal activity. You can add, take away, or change any of the steps. The point is for your family to be together and do something that will build relationships.

It’s not necessary for FHE to always be at your house, but the emphasis is on families together. It usually works best if it’s at the same time in the same place, with just a few variations on occasion.

How does Family Home Evening benefit your marriage?

Obviously any marriage benefits from more time together. Time together that is focused on something is even better. Guys, women love it when they know that there is a time set aside every week when you will be together. It’s reassuring and it makes them feel like your relationship is a high priority.

If you run FHE the way that it was originally created, putting God into your marriage will benefit your relationship as well. Any couple that has a strong spiritual life will be closer emotionally as well.

What kind of activities do you do for FHE?

Just about anything that your family would enjoy doing is a good FHE activity. As long as the whole family can participate and it builds rapport (no, watching a movie doesn’t count) you can do it!

There are legions of ideas for Family Home Evening activities. You can try here, here, or here.

My personal favorite FHE activities are Murder in the Dark, Settlers of Catan, or bike riding.

What do you do to engage your family and your marriage on a regular basis?

Do you have any sort of formalized activities that your family does? Do you have questions? Share them in the comments below.

Let me know what you think of the new Good Husband site design.  Also, check out my wife, Liss, on Girlfriendology’s latest podcast.  Listen to it, visit the podcast page and Stumble, Digg or otherwise give a little love to my wife and her first media interview.  In case you didn’t know, she is the person behind The Fascinating Woman - some love her modern take on old traditions, some think she’s hopelessly out of touch with modern times, but either way, I find her endlessly fascinating.

A Good Husband is participating in the live Tweetup at Portland Center Stage tonight.  If you want to know what’s going on, head on over to Twitter.com and follow me on Twitter.

Search the #apollo hashtag to see what others are saying.  I am, of course, doing this with my dear wife. 

In the upper echelons of the corporate world, there used to be an unwritten rule that only family men made it to the top - so men made sure that they at least appeared to be family men.

Some men married women simply to look like they were playing the game.  Women considered themselves lucky to marry a man who could provide for them and who didn’t beat them. A woman knew that her duties were to provide sex, children, and to make him look good at all costs.  A marriage built on love was not something that people expected.

As long as the woman made him look good, then it helped his career.  If she was a good homemaker, a good cook, mother and party hostess, then that man was on his way up.

I’d like to think that today’s corporate world is a little bit different.

A wife’s role in today’s corporate world can range from the traditional homemaker who stays with the children full time, helping her husband’s career by making sure things are right at home, to a power broker CEO who runs the boardroom and helps her husband’s career with her own connections.

Here are six ways that the modern wife helps her husband’s career:

Fashion consultant. She loved you when she married you and she thinks you’re a hunk of burning love - but she also wants the world to think you look good too.  Let’s face it, women pay more attention to style.  I walk out the door most days barely put together, but when I really need to look good at work, my wife has a keen eye and an amazing ability to improvise.  She’s also a great judge of color.

Homemaker. In the case of wives who make their career in the home, men are blessed to be able to come home to meals prepared for them on a regular basis, a clean house, and a sense of peace and serenity that is rare to come by in today’s busy world.  Since modern women have the choice of working in or out of the home, today’s homemaker’s are ever more capable and confident in their chosen lifestyle.  The comfort they provide their husbands is beyond measure.

Power Broker. The woman who works in the corporate world is often powerful, successful, and very good at making connections.  Women are natural networkers, and they help each other out.  Heaven help the company or individual who crosses the Power Broker’s husband.  She’ll move heaven and earth to make sure he gets the right job, the right contract, or the table at the right restaurant so that her husband can meet his goals.

Socialite.  Along with being natural networkers, wives have the ability to charm and fascinate clients, coworkers, and bosses.  They leave everyone they come in contact with thinking, “Wow, that guy must really be something to attract someone as vivacious, beautiful, and intelligent as her.  Maybe we should take a second look at him.”

Cheerleader.  No one’s opinion matters more than the wife, and no one’s doubt crushes dreams faster.  The wife who is a cheerleader for her husband can see him soar to new heights as he rides the confidence she gives him with her praise, encouragement, and smiles.  Every man wishes that he had someone to tell him he can do it, and no one fits that bill better than the wife.

Confidant.  Most men rarely share their emotions.  Many men only share their emotions with one person - their wife.  If she’s sweet, and understanding, and firm when she needs to be, then her man will be healthy and able to lead the pack when it comes to landing the big deals or making the major breakthroughs.

How has your wife helped your career?  Answer the poll to the right, and leave comments below.  Don’t forget to share this post with friends!

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” - Lewis B Smeed

Every relationship has room and need of forgiveness. We’re imperfect people and we make mistakes. We lose our tempers and lash out, or we say things that are unknowingly hurtful.

Marriage requires, perhaps, more forgiveness than any other relationship. When living with someone that closely, friction occurs regularly. The best marriages consist of couples who have learned how to let go of things that don’t matter.

Know what matters and pick your battles. In a marriage, it’s more important to care for the relationship than it is to be right or to win. It took me a long time to learn this. I’m a competitive person by nature, but marriage is not a competition. If you win an argument and leave your wife in tears, you have missed the whole point. Is what you’re arguing over really that important, or is it okay to let your wife put up the pink and yellow curtains in the bathroom because they make her really happy?

Assume love. Many times arguments continue because one party thinks that the other party is out to get them. At one point, you were in love with your wife. You knew she loved you back. If there was love there once, it’s probably still there in some way. Simply allowing this paradigm shift allows you to see that she loves you, she’s just angry or hurt. If she’s yelling at you, but you know she loves you, then perhaps there’s something going on that you don’t know about. How can you help her? Patty Newbold of AssumeLove.com writes extensively about this topic. I highly recommend reading her stuff.

Take a deep breath. One of the best things about Yoga is that it teaches people to relax with the breath. Holding on to anger and resentment is exhausting. You tense your shoulders, neck, back, and you take shallow breaths. When you’re really upset, take a moment to take a few deep breaths, from the gut. This simple act will unconsciously relax you and you will make better choices.

Build a bridge. Not a bridge to nowhere, but a bridge to your wife. Reach out to her.  It’s pretty difficult to hold a grudge against someone that you are doing service for, talking to, or otherwise helping.  Little acts of service can go a long way to soften your heart.  Fix something around the house, make a nice meal for her, or buy her a small gift.

Get help. Licensed therapists are trained to help people move beyond issues just like this.  Deeply emotional issues are difficult to resolve by ourselves, and sometimes we need outside perspective.

Make the choice. When it comes down to it, forgiveness is a choice.  All of these options are just ways to help you get to the point where you can choose to let it go.  Anger, resentment, fear, and grudges are heavy weights to carry.  They are poisonous cancers to your soul.

Why forgive?

Forgiveness is a cleansing balm to your soul.  It gives you the opportunity to set down your heavy burden.  Holding a grudge does more to harm you than it ever does to the person you are angry with.

For years I harbored ill will towards my step father.  He did things that were wrong, no doubt, but I allowed him to continue to have power over my life by harboring that resentment.  When he wasn’t around I would spend time thinking about how I could do awful things to him.  I obsessed over every little slight and abuse.  For many years, it made me a bitter and angry person.  It poisoned my relationships by hurting my ability to trust other people and crippling me with guilt about my feelings towards him.

It took many years, some therapy, and a very understanding wife to get past that anger and resentment.  I can honestly say that I forgive my stepfather now.  He made some bad choices, but they were his choices.  Not mine.  When I learned to forgive him, which was a long process, it allowed my relationship with my wife to bloom.

If you harbor ill will towards your wife, or towards anyone else, I encourage you to let it go.

How about you?  I’d love to hear your stories of forgiveness and how it blessed your life.

. . . from the beginning, [Satan] has worked with a vengeance to distort the very definition of womanhood and to confuse everyone about us, including us. Here are just a few of [Satan’s] lies: That men are smarter, have all the power, and are more important, so if we want to have influence we should be more like them; that marriage and family are confining; that motherhood is menial and a waste of any talented woman’s time; that women are perpetually frazzled and failing; and that a woman’s value is based on her size, shape and what she accomplishes outside the home. Too many women have bought these lies. Our culture is disintegrating at the speed of light, and unfortunately, our gender is doing a lot of the damage.

~Sheri Dew, ["Awake, Arise, and Come Unto Christ"
a speech given at 2008 BYU Women's Conference]

Special thanks to Liss from The Fascinating Woman for this quote.

Indeed, so many men buy into the above stereotypes as well.  Men, a Good Husband stands up for his wife, cares for her, and encourages her.  He also defends her against such abuse and goes out of his way to keep it from ever coming to her.  When he fails in his duty, he owns up to that responsibility and makes it right.  No matter how late it is at night or how much stress he’s under.

Primer Magazine is running a feature on an old newspaper clipping that has been circulating the internet for years called The Good Wife’s Guide.  It’s an old school take on how wives are “supposed to” behave.  It’s positively medieval in some places, but I think a lot of it is not far off.  There’s nothing wrong at all with having dinner ready and looking nice - as long as you have time and your husband is good to you as well.  I’d be interested in knowing what you think about it.

My favorite bits of advice from Primer’s article: men should realize that her life is just as important as his, and it’s important for men to be honest.

Also, over at Simple Marriage Project, there’s a discussion going on about Steve Pavlina’s decision to enter a polyamorous relationship with his wife (read: he’s convinced his wife that it’s okay for him to cheat on her, and her to do likewise).  Corey asks what people’s Big Idea is about marriage.

Personally, I think that Corey’s picture at the top of the post says it all: I am yours.

Marriage is sacred.  There’s no getting around it, there’s no justifying otherwise, there’s no reason to excuse infidelity.  Marriage is the most important social convention (indeed, holy covenant) that we have, and the best way to raise a family.

To my wife: I am yours, and I promise to be only yours for all eternity.

Old traditions of marriage defined the way women were supposed to behave in domestic matters.  New traditions are breaking down the boundaries of sexual purity.  Where do you turn to figure out what is appropriate in your marriage and in your life in general?

Just like it’s the little things that make a marriage great, it’s the little things that make a marriage hell.

I once heard someone say that you should find out something that annoys your spouse and make sure you do it every once in a while. Now, I can say with absolute certainty that I have this skill down pat - without even trying. I do it without thinking, but I don’t think that it helps, you know what I’m saying?

I like to perform in plays.  It’s a passion that I have, and I consider myself a professional.  The problem, of course, is that I also have a day job.  When I am in rehearsals for any particular production I tend to be very busy and when I am home, I have a tendency to be distracted and busy.  It becomes easy for me to forget to take care of my most important relationship - my marriage.

Women need emotional attention. Many men have the emotional attention span of a mayfly (for those who don’t know, the average lifespan of a mayfly is less than 24 hours, so their attention span is necessarily short).  When emotions come up for men, we roll our eyes and shrug it off.  This eye rolling is hurtful for women and not constructive in marriage.  While a man may brush off a bad dream or a quarrel, women will agonize over its meaning and need to discuss it.  Men, we need to give women the attention they are due and make sure we validate their feelings.

Open the door for your wife. It may seem like a trivial thing, but not opening the door for your wife, making a meal for yourself and not for her, leaving your dirty socks everywhere, and a thousand other little careless things make a big difference.  Some relationship therapists talk about an emotional bank account.  Every interaction you have with your spouse is either a withdrawal or a deposit.  Think about your day.  You’ll recognize which ones are withdrawals and which are deposits.  Make sure your bank account is positive.

For my marriage, the little things that kill are: failing to follow through on tasks I take on, failing to be forthcoming with my own emotions, leaving my biking clothes on the floor, or leaving sinks full of dishes.

What are the little things that kill in your marriage?

The following is a conversation that I had with my wife:

Wife: You have more hair.

Me: Of course I do.

Wife: No, I mean you have more hair on your back and shoulders.

Me: Well, yeah. I’m getting older.

Wife: What do you mean?

Me: I mean, when guys get older, they grow more hair in parts other than their head. It happens to all guys.

Wife: Eeww! Really?

Me: Yeah.

Wife: That’s…I don’t know how I feel about that.

Me: Well, hopefully you like it, because it’s only going to get worse as I get older.

Wife: …

Me: Your dad is probably getting more hairy.

Wife: Ew! Ew! Ew! (runs away into the other room)

Me: Chuckles. Stops and looks at back in the mirror.

Every marriage has their little things that make life interesting. They’re the odd conversations you have where you learn something surprising about your partner. The time when you see your spouse display a heretofore unknown talent for drawing after knowing them for three years. Those little things stick in your memory and make you smile when you remember them, even years later.

It’s these little things that make the best friends and the best lovers. Those little things are the little stitches, the tiny drops of glue that form the bond between you and your partner. Love can last a lifetime. You just have to fill it with those little things that make you laugh.

What are the little things in your marriage that make you laugh?