Thank you to everyone who was willing to bear with me for my first April Fool’s Day prank in many years.

Of course I would never do anything as heinous as a wife rating system. For those who actually thought it was for real…well, I’d have to say lighten up a little bit.

For the rest, especially April, thank you for your sense of humor.

What’s interesting though, is how much search volume that little post got me. Apparently “hot wives” is a popular search topic…with all the wrong connotations, if you know what I mean.

Favorite April Fool’s Jokes today:

Google’s Virgil Mars Colonization.

The Barack O’Hillary Photo.

Tim Ferriss outsourced his blog.

Some days, it’s fun to just act a little bit immature. But then again, I got my degree in acting.

Do your male emotions get in the way of a successful marriage?What do you fear in your marriage or about your marriage?

I have always feared that somehow my wife would wake up and realize that she can do better than me. I’m not the smartest guy, nor the best looking. I grew up in a family situation that was less than ideal, and as such I feel like I often make mistakes that are just unbelievable in retrospect.

I think many men are amazed that their wives put up with them on a day to day basis. What with all of the feminists out there telling women they can go it their own and they don’t need a man to be secure.

It’s amazing, sometimes, how that fear drives me. I can honestly say that sometimes (not all the time, but sometimes) it’s not so much love that motivates me to do all the little things in my marriage that make it work, but fear. I fear that if I don’t spend an evening with her when I really just want to be left alone that her feelings will be hurt and our marriage damaged.

This has been a difficult post for me to write. It’s taken me several attempts over several days, and liberal use of the backspace key. Why is it so difficult for men to admit what they are afraid of?

When I was in drama school I went through some seriously challenging exercises in acting classes where we had to reveal some of our deepest fears and be able to deal with them. When in that kind of situation it’s amazing how supportive my fellow students and actors were. We all cried together and helped each other out. We gave each other suggestions and took advice that was given.

In this online community, however, it is a little more difficult to open up, and if it’s difficult for me, then I have to understand that it may be even more difficult for all of the other men out there who are walking around with tremendous burdens on their shoulders. We all know that a burden shared is a burden halved, but it’s still a scary thing to share our fear.

I fear to share because I fear being humiliated or being seen as less than a man.

If what we want is for our fear to be assuaged and our burdens to be made lighter, then we must risk that humiliation. It takes risk to achieve our goals. Men are taught to risk in business, in play, but not emotionally. That’s too dangerous for most of us.

It would be ideal if AGoodHusband.net were a place where men were able to open up and ask questions about their relationships that they don’t dare talk about in other places. I hope that can happen, but if not I understand. I put the time into writing posts like these because I hope that it will inspire other men to participate in the discussion.

So, men, what do you think? What are your biggest fears in your relationships?

Make a treat together, then take it to a crabby neighbor. Leave a note, wishing them a happy day. My wife and I did this with our upstairs neighbor a few years ago. He was a stay up all night, smoke pot, play loud music kind of neighbor. After we took him some brownies, we never heard the loud music again.

Have a silly string war. Grab a few other couples, buy some silly string ($1 - $3 at a toy store) then go to a park and then set up two teams. Run at each other from opposite ends of the park. When you get close, start spraying. The person with the least amount of silly string on them doesn’t have to help clean up.

Offer to babysit someone else’s kid(s). Do it for an evening or an afternoon. If you don’t have kids yet, this will be a good experience and tell you what it’s like. If you do, then you already understand how rare it is to get a night away. You’ll make friends for life (or at least someone who owes you), and you get to play with a child.

The question is not do you love her, but how does she know that you love her?

I just saw Enchanted the other day. This song gives me pause to stop and think. Men, as silly as it is, listen to the song and then answer the question for yourself.

What have you done today to make sure that your wife knows you love her? Do you know what would tell her you love her? Do you simply tell her you love her without finding out what she needs in order to really know it?

Before experimenting with new templates I downloaded my old one so that I could restore it. Apparently the feature that Blogger uses to upload templates doesn’t work too well, because I’m getting the error message bX-f690e7 when I try to upload my old template.

When I copy and paste the old code, I get the error please ensure that your code is well formed routine.

Heeeelllloooooooooo, Blogger - I copied and pasted what I was using before.

If anyone’s a Blogger genius out there, I could use a little bit of help.

UPDATE: Spoke with a programmer who tried to help me (thanks Mark) and he couldn’t figure it out. Looks like I’ll be doing some research on moving to a new blog host.

Skipping a meal or two can actually be very good for your health. In turn, fasting can also be excellent for your mental and spiritual well being - and thus, your relationship with your spouse.

Most great religions of the world, and many doctors and medical professionals, recommend a monthly fast to cleanse the body. You can read Dr. Michael Eades’ take on fasting at Tim Ferriss’ Blog.

Physically

Fasting affords your body a rest from the process of digestion, thus freeing up energy for other bodily functions like removing waste. It also lowers blood sugar, blood pressure, reduces general stress levels, and improves health over all.

I have noticed that when I am fasting I become more in tune with my body and what is happening to it. I also notice that my body tends to slow down a little bit (as would be expected) and this affords me the opportunity to think a little bit more. I also noticed that when I fast I burp a lot.

Spiritually

Muslims fast on Ramadan, the 9th month of the Muslim calendar. According to the Qur’an, proper observance of the Ramadan fast brings clarity of thought, peace, and a closeness to God. Since the fast is observed between sunrise and sunset daily throughout the month, the devotion to fasting also brings sympathy for those who do not have ready access to food each day. Also, Ramadan fasts are also supposed to remind people of their duty to think pure thoughts and keep their words and actions clean.

Some Buddhists regularly engage in fasting. I had a professor in college who was Buddhist and we discussed it at length. Buddhists emphasize denying the self, or the needs of the body, so that the spirit may be enlightened. For practitioners, fasting is part of the eight precepts that guide their daily lives.

Many Christians fast. Mormons hold church wide fasts on the first Sunday of each month. On that Sunday, they meet together, share their testimonies of what they believe, and generally observe to do better than they have done. Members of the LDS faith are encouraged to take the money they would have spent on food that day and donate it to charity.

From Isaiah 58:
3 ¶ ^aWherefore have we fasted, say they, and thou seest not? wherefore have we afflicted our soul, and thou takest no knowledge? Behold, in the day of your ^bfast ye find ^cpleasure, and ^dexact all your labours.

4 Behold, ye fast for ^astrife and ^bdebate, and to smite with the fist of wickedness: ye shall not ^cfast as ye do this day, to make your voice to be heard on high.

5 Is it such a fast that I have chosen? a day for a man to afflict his soul? is it to bow down his head as a bulrush, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? wilt thou call this a fast, and an acceptable day to the Lord?

6 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the ^abands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go ^bfree, and that ye break every yoke?

7 Is it not to deal thy bread to the ^ahungry, and that thou bring the ^bpoor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from ^cthine own flesh?

Of course, fasting must be done with a purpose in order to gain the spiritual benefits. You must have a reason for you sacrifice. I have fasted because I wanted to gain insight into what to study in college, whether to marry, what kind of job to take, and many other decisions. I use the time that I am fasting to study scripture, ponder, and pray.

It has been a constant theme of mine that good husbands should do their best to develop their spirits as well as their minds and bodies. I personally believe that life, and, if we desire, our marriages, will continue on after this life. If that is the case, then it behooves each of us to learn a little bit more each day about who we are, where we come from, and what the purpose of life is. Fasting allows us to move away from worldly concerns and to consider matters of the soul.

I encourage each of you to try fasting in the next couple of weeks. Let me know how it goes and what your experiences have been.

This is a guest post from Lissie at The Fascinating Woman.

First off, there is no such thing as a “time of the month.” It does not matter that you have years of evidence to counteract my statement. Want a smooth home life? Then there is no time of the month, instead there are bad days, even a bad week or two. Everybody has those - even men.

Secondly, the only way to make real strides with your wife’s behavior on her bad days is to give her the loving support she needs on her good days. The areas with the biggest impact will be listening ( i know, groan,) general helpfulness and speaking her love language.

Listening. Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard, “you never listen!” Great! Which of course means that you are capable of listening, otherwise you wouldn’t have known to raise your hand, right? Here’s a secret, “you never listen” is code for “you don’t give me your undivided attention when I’m talking to you” and “you aren’t remembering what I said which must mean that I’m way less important to you than the guys on Sports Center, so why don’t you just marry them! They can clean your dirty socks!” But those are both a bit long, so instead we say, “you never listen.”

Here’s what you do to fix the problem. Every day-every single day-you give your wife 10 minutes of your undivided attention. Set a timer. Maybe it will be at the same time, maybe not, but it must be every day and it must be undivided - no playing with the dog, looking at Facebook, catching the basketball highlights, scanning the newspaper - UNDIVIDED attention. Then you listen. When 10 minutes is up you’re “off the hook.” She can finish her sentence, but not start a new one. Do this for one month and two amazing things will happen - your wife will talk less and you’ll remember what it is she said.

When she’s having a bad day set the timer for 30 minutes, or have several 10 minute sessions. She will get upset. She will say something like, “I’m not a boiled egg. I don’t have a timer on my feelings or on how long I want to talk.” Just let it roll right off you. Tell her you love her and of course she’s not a boiled egg (resist the impulse to make a joke here…RESIST IT!). Tell her it has nothing to do with her, you just love her so much you want to make sure that you are giving her your undivided attention - which can only last so long. She’ll sniff and say something like, “You seem fine to give your undivided attention for three hours to a game.” I know she’s just baiting you, but don’t bite, instead take a deep breath and say, “what do you want me to do?” “I don’t know,” she’ll plaintively say. Think of how much you wanted to be with this woman forever and gently say to her, “would you like a bath, or some pizza, should we watch a movie, etc.” This is the correct response. Offer something she generally likes but won’t involve you having to listen anymore - what’s that? Yes, this is the same tack you used while you were dating. Yes, it still works.

General Helpfulness. This means something different to every woman. But I bet you know the ones that matter to your woman. Go on, tick them off. (Let’s see . . . be home on time, take the trash out, clear the table when I’m done, put the socks in the dark colors hamper, hang up my towel, return library books on time, etc.) Here’s how it works, imagine you’re a supervisor or you work in some sort of hierarchal environment, now imagine that almost every day the same employee won’t put the paperwork in the right slot, won’t put the tools back in the toolbox, won’t speak kindly to the customers, etc. Is he your favorite? Of course not.

Speaking Her Love Language. I understand that “A Good Husband” already recommended The Five Love Languages. It’s an excellent book, but you don’t necessarily need to read the whole thing, instead take the quiz. Only the really confused won’t know what their love language is. Personally, I like to be praised, to be helped, to have quality time with my husband, to receive love letters and chocolates and I may be sad on occasion if I’m not getting enough, but the only thing that is going to make me really crabby is not being touched enough. For this reason I tend to be clingy when I’m having a bad day (or standoffish but it’s really obvious which way I’m feeling) I mean attached at the arm, side, hip and leg clingy. Can’t get enough attention. It happens every time, but it happens much, much more if during the preceding weeks I wasn’t touched enough. For this reason my husband’s go-to response when I won’t be comforted is, “May I give you a foot rub?”

Thirdly, and lastly, sometimes you just need reinforcements. Which means other women, something sweet (usually chocolate,) and something salty. If she won’t call her friends you can call them for her - she may even be annoyed with you at first, but it’ll pass. (If her friends are busy though don’t tell her you called them and they couldn’t come, not unless you want a gelatinous mess of her tears, your sweat and ground up tooth enamel to deal with.) When she isn’t having a bad day encourage her to hang out with her girl friends (or to make some.) Depending on the woman it may take some time. Remain encouraging, it’s in your best interest. A woman who regularly has time with uplifting girl friends is generally happy, cheerful, kind and less talkative at home.

For Wives:

Just because he now remembers what you said does not mean that he agrees with you, that’ll have to be worked out on it’s own. But don’t accuse him of “never listening” instead say what you actually mean, example: “the fact that you refuse to ever buy me something I want for my birthday makes me feel like you don’t care. if you want to surprise me on my birthday then I would like to receive other gifts, or at least spending money, throughout the year”

Praise his helpfulness. Any helpfulness.

Respect his time and attention. Ask politely on days you need more attention, and don’t ask when he’s in the middle of something. If after three months you find that you need a larger chunk of undivided attention daily, ask for it politely. Be aware though, what you really might need is something else. Like for everyone to eat dinner together at the table. Or to go out on dates. Or to have the children spend two-four hours quality time with their Father so you can have quality time with yourself. (Start with two hours, and add more.)

Get a pain reliever that helps you if you need it. Personally, I use Pamprin Multi-Symptom, and I take at least one every day during “that” week to help me be more rational. Also, if your method of birth control is making things worse consider getting a different one.

Have girl time. You need it. Your husband needs you to have it. Have girl time.

A Good Husband was just added to the list on A Dad’s Life. Check out the post that mentions me and check out A Dad’s Life - there’s a ton of Daddy Blogs out there (184 at last count) and this is the best directory that I’ve seen. You might also check out DadThing’s list, as well as BuildingCamelot’s list.

You might also check out DadDaily. It’s a new social networking site started by the guy who writes A Dad’s Life, and it’s aimed at, obviously, dads.

A Good Husband isn’t a Daddy Blog per se, but I don’t seem to fit into any other category, since there’s not anyone else out there consistently blogging about just husbandhood (yeah, I know that’s a made up word).

Thanks everyone, for the recognition!

In a previous post, I wrote about why Superman would make a great husband. JazFustion over at HeFragSheFrag responded with a comment about Batman being better than Superman. I told her to prove it. Here’s her response. What do you think?

1. He's rich - All right, he's not just rich: he's
loaded. What woman could resist being able to travel
at the drop of a hat?

2. He's got good looks - C'mon! Bruce is the epitome
of the male human body; the achievement peak of human
ability. We love muscles!

3. He's smart - Actually, he's more than smart: he's a
genius! He can run circles around your calculus. We
love men with brains.

4. He's dark, brooding and mysterious - Every girl
wants a bad boy. We want some of that mystery of what
makes men tick. It's what keeps us falling in love
over and over again.

5. He's a philanthropist - He's generous with his
money, and fights crime at night. The man knows how to
put himself above others.

6. He's a playboy - Bruce is no stranger to the finer
things in life. What woman could say no to expensive
champagne and a night of dancing?

7. He's a hard Worker - Obviously he works all day and
night, keeps himself in top physical shape, and is a
brilliant, scientific genius. So when the toilet clogs
up or you need those shelves installed, he's got you
covered.

8. He's loyal - Batman doesn't run out every night in
tights for nothing. He's made vows, and stuck to them.

9. He's got empathy - When he was a boy, he saw his
parents murdered in front of him, so he's had it
rough, and learned how to empathize the hard way.

10. Security: he's got you covered - Batman is like
the ultimate policeman; there to protect you when you
need it. And even if he's not around, he's got enough
money to have an entire army watch over you!