One of my inspirations for starting A Good Husband was the verse from the Book of Mormon that Nephi, a prophet who lived around 600 BC, wrote about why he wrote down the scriptures that he wrote.

15 And upon ^athese I ^bwrite the things of my soul…16 Behold, my ^asoul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my ^bheart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard. 17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great ^agoodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O ^bwretched man that I am! Yea, my heart ^csorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

(2 Nep 4:15-17)

Eventually, there came a time in my marriage when things had to change. We were both extremely unhappy, stressed out, and ready to call it quits. We were quite literally on the edge of filing for divorce. A combination of things changed our minds. Perhaps I’ll write about that experience at another time, but right now I wish to share with you all the song that helped save our marriage.

It’s titled “I’d Give It All For You,” by Jason Robert Brown.

I had a house while you were gone
The week after you left me
I found a couple acres
Near Sarilla Park
I had a house while you were gone
A house with silver shutters
And a driveway laid in marble
And thousands of rooms to fill
And miles of space to fly
And I tried to believe it,
It was better without you
I was safer alone


No, I’d give it all for you
I’d give it all for you by my side once more
Oh, I’d give it all for you
I’d give it all to hold you again
To feel I’m completed
To know there and then
That all that I needed
Was you to fight the fear
And now you’re here


I took a trip while I was gone
I cashed in all my savings
And bought an Eldorado
Drove to Tennessee
I took a trip while I was gone
I drove across the country
And I stopped at lots of diners
And stared at a million stars
And thought I could touch the sky
And I tried to believe it,
It was better without you
I was finally free


No, I’d give it all for you
I’d give it all for you by my side once more
Oh, I’d give it all for you
I’d give it ‘cause the mountains I climb
Get higher and higher
I’m running from time
And walking through fire
And dreams just don’t come true
But now there’s you


God knows it’s easy to hide,
Easy to hide from the things that you feel
And harder to blindly trust
What you can’t understand


God knows it’s easy to run,
Easy to run from the people you love
And harder to stand and fight
For the things you believe


Nothing about us was perfect or clear
But when paradise calls me
I’d rather be here
There’s something between us
That nobody else needs to see


There were oceans to cross
There were mountains to conquer
And I stood on the shore
And I stood on the cliff
And the second before I jumped
I knew where I needed to be


Oh, I gave it all for you
I gave it all for you by my side once more
Oh, I gave it all for you
I gave it ‘cause it’s harder to touch
The things that are dearer
I love you too much
To trust something clearer
I know I fell too far
But here you are

These are just a few of the things of my soul.

During our roadtrip my wife and I were talking about her parents. They are wonderful people and I can’t help but respect them. I have a great relationship with them. Here are my tips for getting along with your in-laws:

• Respect your wife’s father. My father in law is a man of large stature and imposing disposition. It was easy to defer to him, because when I first started dating my wife he scared the heck out of me – he’s a very large man. Treat him like your own father and ask him for advice, help, or to sit and watch a football game.
• Compliment your wife’s mother. Remember men, in all likelihood, this woman is how your wife is going to be in 20 – 30 years. Get to know her and find a way to respect her and her opinions. My mother in law is an amazing seamstress, so I respect her talents and let her know. She also has a sense of humor that is similar to mine, so I laugh at her jokes.
• Remember that your wife is not her parents. When your in-laws do something that you might consider boneheaded, don’t relate that to your wife. She’s a different person and, like all of us, already knows the boneheaded mistakes that her parents make all the time. She’s probably making a conscious effort to not make those same mistakes.
• If you didn’t like your in-laws before you got married, change your attitude. You’re stuck with the in-laws for the rest of their lives, which, after watching the Barbara Walters special the other night, could be for the next 100+ years. If you believe in life after death, then you’re stuck with them forever. Do yourself a favor and realize that it takes two to argue, so just don’t do it. Find a way to change your thinking.
• Set your boundaries early. This one I learned from my wife. After we got married, my mother was constantly asking when we were going to have kids. Lissie had to have a little discussion with her to let her to let her know that it wasn’t okay to pry, and that we’ll let her know when we’re thinking about it. It was a respectful dialogue, but people still got a little upset. I know it’s hard, but you have to set those boundaries early. Trust me, you’ll be glad after 5+ years of marriage.
• Practice restraint. If something really irritates you, find some space and think about it for a day or two before you say something. My in laws have some rules in the house for their other kids that don’t make any sense to me and sometimes they seem a bit draconian, but I generally don’t say anything. They’re not my kids and I want to maintain peace between us. No one’s getting hurt or being deprived in a serious way, so I don’t say anything.
• Don’t tell your in-laws anything about your marriage. I know this seems crazy, but it’s another thing I learned from my wife and her family. We decided, at Lissie’s behest, to not tell her family about fights we were having or money problems. Some things slipped out, but for the past five years Lissie has come across as the “good daughter” in comparison with her siblings, and her parents love me. We never get unsolicited advice, and we never hear about her parents talking negatively about either one of us (and believe me, with Lissie’s 8 siblings, we would hear about it).
• Be loyal to your spouse. This may apply more to your spouse than you. Your wife needs to be loyal to you over her parents (and you to her over your parents). Marriage is about being completely committed to each other, before anyone else. If your in-laws are being rude to your spouse, it’s your responsibility to step in and defend your spouse. You can do it in a polite way, but it’s not okay to allow your parents to attack your spouse in any way.
• Don’t get involved in family disputes. There are some issues between your spouse and her parents that you shouldn’t step into: all of them. That’s just a quagmire that you have no business getting involved in. Trust me. You can talk to your spouse about it if she asks you, when the in-laws are not around (read: not in the same city), but I generally limit my response in these discussions to supportive head nods and short answers to direct questions.
• Have fun with the siblings. I like my wife’s siblings, most of them. I regularly kick her brother’s butt at chess, discuss fantasy novels with her other brother, wrestle with her sister, and play with most of the family. There’s going to be times when you don’t get along with some of them, but they’re family, for better or worse, so you had better learn to have fun with them, or you’re going to regret it.

Deborah Shank was hit by a truck. At the time, she was an employee of Wal-Mart. Her health insurance covered her hospital and physical therapy bills. This makes sense, she was paying out of each check to have her health insurance. Her medical bills amounted to over $400,000, all covered by her health insurance.

I don’t normally post on the weekends, but I had to throw out some serious link love to Derek at DerekSemmler.com and Olivier the Motivaider at GettingRichtheCertainWay.net

The two of them are both running contests to give away free adspace (Derek’s free ad here, and Olivier’s free ad here) for people who leave comments on their blogs. I figure if they can give away free adspace, I can do my part by telling everyone about it.

Granny Sykes writes an advice column for a paper back East. She has a hilariously titled book, Operations and Maintenance Manual for Female Homosapiens: Series Identification: Wives. What!?! I look forward to reading this book. If the book delivers on its rather ambitious title, this is indeed a book that all men need to read immediately.

The book is available via Amazon.com. Let me know what you think.

This is a guest post written by regular contributor Lissie from The Fascinating Woman.

* Lissie’s Note: Acceptable substitutions include cookies, potatoes, brownies, bratwurst, steak, and bacon.

Work was ending yesterday and I was excited because I was heading out with a coworker for an evening of watching manly men beat each other with their fists (UFC is a guilty pleasure). Before logging off of my work computer I checked my personal email.

Message from my wife. She was asking me to come home for a while before I headed out with my friends. She wasn’t feeling well and needed a little tender loving care.

At this point, like most men, several thoughts run through my head. “She knew I had plans this evening … What could be this important … Is she actually ill …” and, of course, the king of these kind of thoughts, “What would happen if I didn’t go home…?”

All of these thoughts passed through my head in a moment. I turned to my coworker and told him that my wife needed me to come home and I would catch up to him later. He was kind enough to not even laugh at me (He’s married and therefore understands…I think).

As some of you know, my wife has a chronic heart condition. After I got home my wife really was rather unwell. She had a bad day. I sat with her and listened to her for about 45 minutes. I just sat and listened, and after she asked questions I made her laugh a little, then made a few suggestions. I didn’t try to fix her problem and I mostly just listened, held her, and made sure she knew that I cared.

By the time we were done, she was smiling and laughing. She even thanked me profusely for coming home and for caring and being kind, acknowledging that she knew that I had plans that evening and didn’t want to keep me from them any longer. It wasn’t that the problem was all gone, but that she felt listened to and cared about.

All told, it took about 90 minutes from the time I walked in the door. After I left, I made it to the UFC fight on time to catch the whole thing and had a great time.

I share this story not because I want to toot my own horn, but because it was a wonderful day in my married life. It was simple, easy, and it brought my wife and I both great joy.

How could you not love that?

The thing is, this story makes it seem so simple. It almost makes our marriage seem perfect. While our marriage is wonderful, it took a lot of work to get to that point, and it’s not perfect yet. Last month I wrote a post about the duties of a husband. In that post I mentioned that your spouse has to be a higher priority than your work, volunteer organizations like church, or your social calendar. The only thing that comes before your spouse is God, and taking care of your self.
Putting my wife first is something that I had to learn the hard way. Shortly after we were married I was working at a retail job and had the responsibility of closing up the store. My wife was really upset and not feeling well and she called and asked me to come home right away. I told her I couldn’t because I had to close the store. We got into a big fight about it on the phone and when I eventually did get home, we fought about it more. It was a sore spot in our marriage for months afterward.

In retrospect I see that the mistake was mine. Of course my wife has to come before my job (it’s not like I was performing surgery on someone), and of course my wife should come before fight night with the guys.

It seems obvious, but I can say the difference between the two situations is that at some point I made the decision to put her first. There have been many instances when I have needed to put my wife first since that early point in our marriage, and every time I put her first, I have never regretted it. I have, however, regretted the times that I did not put her first.

I said it before, and I’ll say it again: No one ever gets to the end of their life and says, “I wish I had spent more time on my career.”

I went to bed last night with a clear conscience, peace of mind, and a loving wife next to me. I am grateful that I made the choices I did and hope to make the same ones in the future.

Here are the most visited posts for March 2008. These don’t include the posts that are the most popular from before March.

When Husbands get Praise

Pickup Lines for Married Men

Last Minute Date Ideas

Do You Think Marriage is Wonderful?

Prayer and Finding/Being a Good Husband

The following is a guest post by Scott Hepburn

We’ve all heard the cliché that a job interview is a lot like courtship. There’s that awkward period when you meet. You get to know each other, loosen up a little, and if there’s a connection, you make a commitment – the marriage of employer and employee.

Scott Hepburn is a veteran copywriter for PRstore, a full-service retail marketing franchise with 41 stores in 18 states. He has been married for six years and, much to his surprise, hasn’t been kicked to the curb yet. He blogs at http://prstore.typepad.com.

In the spirit of Good Husband Deeds, A Good Husband is now launching the Hot Wives Series.

• Hottest.
• Best M.I.L.K.* (that’s Mother I’d Like to Kiss…)
• Best Muffins.
• Most Innocent & Pure.