Perhaps I just wasn’t in a very good mood this morning.  Perhaps the New Yorker cartoon put me off.  Perhaps it was just in bad taste, but this morning I was asked to Stumble an acquaintance’s recent blog post.  It was yet another list of things men don’t do for their relationships.  It wasn’t even particularly original or well written.

It was an obvious sign to me that particular individual doesn’t actually read this blog.  I write over and over again about how there are good men out there, there are men who go the extra mile, men who are not disgusting pigs, men who are willing to stop and ask for directions.  They do exist, despite the media’s focus on the bumbling idiots that also exist.

I’m sure that particular blog post is going to do well.  Lists generally do well on Stumbleupon, and I wish that particular blogger luck - but just so that all of you know, I’m all about helping men be better, not promoting stereotypes and myopic viewpoints.

It’s 95 degrees in Portland today as I sit here writing this.  I moved here from Salt Lake City to get away from this kind of heat, dang it.

The most viewed posts on A Good Husband in June were:
Don’t Bash Your Wife
10 Ways to Be A Good Husband
Effects of Pornography on Marriage(actually, 3 of the top 5 posts were the series on pornography, but I’ll count it as one for these stats) The Ultimate Guide to Winning An Argument With Your SpouseAvoid Cheating, Wandering Eyes

The top websites that referred traffic to me were:
ArtofManliness.com (again)
SimpleMarriage.net
CovenantEyes.com
SavvyDaddy.com
BuildingCamelot.com (again)

Growth over the month of June was down slightly from May, but up over all previous months, hitting 9,098 unique pageviews. Subscribers almost doubled to a high of 271 a couple of days ago.  There are lots of great things coming this month as well.  I’ve been invited to be a feature blogger on Wellsphere.com.  Look for an upcoming series on the effects of marriage on health.  Also, if you pay attention, you may see an explosion in quality of the man blogging world very soon.  I don’t think we’ve hit the tipping point just yet, but it’s coming soon.  Very soon.

The results of the poll on religion in marriage have arrived.

The first one doesn’t really surprise me, as a lot of my readers are LDS, and most of us tend to marry within our faith.  I’d be interested in knowing what percentage of those people were LDS.  If I were a professional pollster, I probably would have thought of that.

This was a little bit surprising to me.  First, it was surprising because a lot more people answered this question than they did the first one.  Apparently people are more willing to talk about how often they practice their religion than they are about whether they share those beliefs with others.

Second, it was surprising because while it seems that I should have asked the question, “Do you consider yourself religious?”  Then I would know how many people who consider themselves religious spend time in religious observance.

This was heartening to read.  I’m glad that couples are able to resolve their differences when it comes to religion.  I would imagine that part of the reason that there are so few fights is that couples resolve the religion question before they get married.

Or, people just find religion a less important thing to argue about.

So, what are your thoughts?  Those of you who answered the poll, do you consider yourselves strongly religious?

Here are my answers to your questions! It’s been a lot of fun. I was actually a little surprised at how many questions I got about my wife. You might be interested in reading a couple of her guest posts here on A Good Husband, as well as taking a look at her blog, The Fascinating Woman.

Mark Roberts said… Alright, I got one, or rather 2-in-1. How did you propose to your wife? Did you know for sure if she would say ‘yes’ when you asked her?

Which time? I had to ask her a few times. She says I asked her six times, I say it was more like three. I wasn’t entirely sure if she would say yes, but I was pretty sure I could talk her into it. After all, I am a professional salesman.

persistentillusion said… Is your wife happy?

Trust you to come up with this question. One would hope so, since that’s what I write about, eh? I asked her if she was happy, and she said, “Of course! You’re the most wonderful man in the universe! How could I possibly be unhappy?”

Then I woke up and hit the snooze bar.

I think that being married for six years speaks for itself. Not that it’s any sort of astounding record, but we both agree that we ‘got to admit it’s getting better, it’s getting better all the time.’

Laurie said…How is the Mormon church different than other Christian churches? Why is the Mormon church secretive about what they believe? Are they? My passion in life is to “stretch my heart” to love God and my husband more than I am capable of now. I believe there is so much more we are able to experience concerning intimacy and love with our relationship with God and each other than we realize. What do you think about that idea? How would you go about doing that?

Well, Laurie, that’s a lot of questions, but I’ll be brief.

The Mormon Church (properly the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) is different from other Christian denominations primarily in that we believe that God still speaks to people through prophets, just like he did in the Bible. I don’t know what you mean about being secretive. Our beliefs are widely documented and easily accessed.

I think that a person can come to a closer relationship to God by learning to pray and have honest discussions with Him, and by learning to listen. With that, learning to serve others selflessly teaches Godlike attributes. As we do this, we find that we become closer to our spouses.

JLow said… I’ve got a 3-in-1 Does your wife read this blog? If so, does she always agree with what you say? If she doesn’t agree, what happens?

I don’t know that she always agrees, but when she knows that I’m not practicing what I preach she makes sure I know it. It’s a really good sounding board for me. Even though I’ve learned a lot about marriage, I know that I can always do better, so when Lissie is unhappy, I have to go back to my store of knowledge and make sure I make it good again.

John_Frum said… Kids are great and we love our children but they bring a lot of changes to a marriage. A couple becomes a family. I’m guessing you don’t have kids or you would have mentioned it in the About Me section but do you have any thoughts about the challenge of that transition? Are children in your plans?

We don’t have any kids now. We would love to have kids, and when the Lord chooses to bless us with little ones, we will be happy to receive them into our home. I know it will be a challenge. When we married, I was terrified of small children, but my wonderfully patient and kind wife has helped coax me along until now I truly look forward to raising little ones.

Believe me, when we have kids, this blog will probably explode with the amount of energy that’s going to come out of it. Then I’d truly be able to say I have joined the ranks of the Daddy Bloggers.

Some of you know that I have been in talks with a publishing company to write a book. Yeah! I’m excited!

I’d like some input from all of you. In fact, I’d like more than your input. I’d like your involvement.

You see, from this book I plan on expanding A Good Husband into an even more vibrant online community that serves as a resource for men who really want to be the best husbands they can be, and for women who want to help their men.

I’ve had several discussions with my potential editor, so I’ll throw some ideas out, but I’d like to know what you would like to see in a book about Good Husbands. I think that it’s pretty obvious that few people would want to see a bound repackaging of all my posts (boring!).

Here’s my major questions:

What have you read here that has really inspired you? What would you like to see elaborated on?

Ladies, what do you want to know about men?

Men, what do you want the ladies to know about us?

If there’s a lot of involvement, this could easily become a community project. I don’t pretend to be the fount of all knowledge, and the collective advice of the community could turn this into something very, very amazing.

Please leave your comments, and let your friends know that there is a community book building discussion going on. I promise to give regular updates on what’s going on if you’ll help!

Image courtesy of HugeDebt.com

I paid off all of my debts but my car loan and student loan yesterday.

It’s important to be debt free. In a society where it’s so easy to succumb to credit card debt, sub-prime mortgages, and nothing down financing, you can easily be enslaved by debt.

Yes, I said enslaved. If you are forced to make certain decisions - staying at your current dead end job, not going to school, skipping meals, or buying sub-par food simply because you can’t keep up with your debt payments, then you are a slave to your money.

You owe it to your wife, your kids, and yourself to get out of debt. You may think you can handle it, that you’ll always make enough money to handle the situation, but statistics dictate otherwise. At my job as a sales manager, I’ve recently hired four people who are 15 years older than me. They have tons of experience, but a couple of them have taken a step down in pay simply because that’s where the economy is right now.

I’m not an expert at personal finances, but here’s a list of resources that I have used to get myself out of the hole that I dug for myself, and planned for the future.

Frugal Dad - Lifehacks for the ultra frugal, if you are really strapped for cash and need ways to save some cash, but don’t know where to get started, then visit Frugal Dad. He’s got a ton of great suggestions.

Evaluate your financial situation with David Bach’s book, Smart Couples Finish Rich. (not an affiliate link) Three years ago my wife and I created our own financial plan, and we’ve more or less stuck to it. But for those student loans (I’m consolidating - check out student loan debt consolidation), we’re so close to being debt free now I can taste it. You can also visit his website for tons of useful planning information.

Start planning for your future by getting inspired. I first read Think and Grow Rich when I was a Freshman in college. What an amazing book. There’s a methodology to the way that so many people have become incredibly wealthy. Google has the entire text indexed.

12 comments:

Mark Roberts said…

Another good place for money/finance tips is a blog called ‘Get Rich Slowly’. It has tips and advice on every day things from getting good deals when shopping to paying off debt.

June 24, 2008 8:47 AM

Anonymous said…

What about a mortgage?

June 24, 2008 9:08 AM

A Good Husband said…

@mark - thanks for the tip, that’s a great website!

@anonymous - I’m not sure what you’re asking. Is a mortgage debt? Yes. Do I think it’s a good idea to go into debt to buy a home? Perhaps. Most people can’t afford a house without a loan, so a mortgage is necessary.

I think there are three good things to go into debt for: a house, college, and (if you really need it) a car.

June 24, 2008 9:54 AM

Frugal Dad said…

Congrats on your progress towards debt freedom! And thanks for mentioning Frugal Dad - glad I could play a part in inspiring you (but you did all the heavy lifting!). Keep it up!

June 24, 2008 10:02 AM

persistentillusion said…

“I paid off all of my debts but my car loan and student loan yesterday.”

WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!

Congratulations! You are so right that debt gets in the way of truly living your life!

June 24, 2008 10:13 AM

Kevin (ReturnToManliness) said…

frugaldad is an awesome site. Get Rich Slowly.org is really good as well.

Another one that is absolutely fantastic is The Simple Dollar.com. Trent can be a little long-winded, but he is a very good writer and has a lot of original topics.

Getting out of debt and staying out of debt is a core principal in life. Another one is liquidity. Being somewhat liquid goes right along with being out of debt.

June 24, 2008 5:08 PM

Cory said…

Mortgages are tricky things because you need one to get a home (at least, if you’re not super rich like me). However, if I bought a house that was much bigger than I needed it would probably be much more expensive than I could afford. In that case, too much mortgage is enslaving.

Just look at the housing economy in the U.S. It’s in shambles! Real Estate sellers and consumers got too greedy with their mortgages.

June 24, 2008 5:40 PM

Francine S. said…

Hi, I just found your blog. This is a great post! I will check out Frugal Dad. I am really interested in good family planning and can’t wait to devour other articles of yours!!

June 24, 2008 8:31 PM

John_Frum said…

Congrats on the financial progress and thanks for the useful links.
One thing I learned a while back is that money saved is more valuable than money earned. I remind myself of this every weekend when I mow my lawn. I’ve been tempted to hire someone to do it for me but the money I save doing it myself can be thought of as tax free earnings. In essence I pay myself each week to mow my own lawn and those earnings are not taxed. Kind of a cool way to think about it.

Here’s a tip for dealing with high gas prices. Invest in oil stocks. It takes $500 to open a Scottrade account and they have lots of information to help you get started.
With oil continuing to soar it’s more than compensated for the difference at the pump.

June 24, 2008 9:00 PM

Anonymous said…

As a single income family (i’m a SAHM), it has been difficult to pay off our debt. Still, we set a goal and are almost done! We couldn’t have done it without Dave Ramsey. Google him, you won’t regret it!!!

June 25, 2008 7:06 AM

Anthony said…

another good website to check out is www.crown.org It has a plan that you can follow to be debt free.

June 25, 2008 10:56 AM

pungkung said…

Hi everyone.
Thanks for this information.
Student Loan+Girl in Asia

June 26, 2008 2:09 PM

I have to give Derek Semmler credit for this post idea, but here goes:

What questions have you always wanted to ask me? Could be anything. Ask me about my shoe size, my religion, what my gamer tag is (I don’t have one - and I’m really ticked off about it!), or about my marriage and how I came to write this blog. Just about anything is up for game.

Leave your questions in the comments and I’ll write a post in a couple of days answering them.

We’ll see how this goes…

At church on Father’s Day there were three beautiful stories shared about three great fathers.

One father shared his thoughts about his son who is currently hundreds of miles away doing missionary work. He talked about how proud he is of the growth that his son is going through.

One woman shared her feelings about her father who provided a living for the family, was a bishop in a lay ministry for his congregation, and was always there to talk to his daughter, even though he was paralyzed from the waist down - in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s.

Another man shared his memories of his father who was known throughout the business community as a good and honest man who was always good to deal with.

Photo courtesy of Masterninja.com

These stories are inspiring and wonderful, but they reflect the difficulty that I have had every Father’s Day since I was a teenager. You see, I grew up without knowing my biological father, and my stepfather was a less than ideal role model. I’ve always looked at Father’s Day as a painful experience, when I become acutely aware of what I missed growing up.

We all have our baggage. I really admire the daddy bloggers out there who are willing to admit when they make mistakes or don’t know something. I admire even more the ones that take a stand on important issues and give their hearts to their kids and their wives.

I’m not really afraid that I’m going to become a bad father (when I do have kids) so much as wonder how to be a good father. I’ve read books, listened to advice, and eavesdropped on lots of conversations, so I have lots of good ideas in theory - but we all know how good theory is when your two year old has just put an entire case of toilet paper down the toilet, along with his blocks and the puppy.

So, perhaps some day I will enjoy Father’s Day. Maybe when I’m a father and feel like a success I’ll feel that it’s a day of celebration.

Picture courtesy of Funny Hub.

We all bring baggage into a marriage - but how much of it is from emotional trauma caused by bad relationships?

I spoke with two men recently who made terrible decisions based on relationships gone bad

One went on a 3 month drug/alcohol/sex binge after his girlfriend of 7 years got pregnant by another man. He recognizes that mistake, but it resulted in a child out of wedlock with a woman he says he can’t marry.

One was cheated on by a long time girlfriend who liked the other guy’s money instead of his low tech, healthy lifestyle - obviously she wasn’t honest with him about what she wanted and he either wasn’t honest or didn’t see it. He honestly thinks that girls only care about what your income is, and he thinks that he has to be wealthy to be married. He hates single mothers and thinks they have ruined their lives. Now he chooses to be a serial womanizer and sleeps with anything that moves.

Unfortunately this happens throughout the United States and many parts of the world. I pointed out to the second man that my wife was not a gold digger, nor did she ask to see a tax return before we got engaged. He told me that I was very lucky that my wife was willing to lead a lifestyle that didn’t require a vast amount of wealth, but that most girls require it.

Guys, I have to tell you - it’s a myth. In relationships, as in all aspects of life, you find what you seek out. If you have a bad experience, even a couple of bad experiences, it doesn’t mean that experience is the rule. Obviously there are many women out there who are wonderful, kind, beautiful, humble, fascinating people that are completely worthy of dating, respecting, falling in love with, and marrying. Don’t give up!

Check out the ABC News article on how Dads, Husbands, and men in general are blogging, chatting, and social networking their way to better relationships.

Just like to point out that I wrote about this very thing two months ago, so I sort’ve scooped ABC News.

Sort of.

Have a happy Friday everyone, and you should check out the conversation on this article on Twitter.com