Have an income that’s too low. The surest way to fight over money is not have any.  When the major source of stress in your life is not being able to pay your bills, it’s a guarantee that you will fight over how the money you do have is spent.  I remember when we were both in college and there were many times that we didn’t have enough to cover our bills.  We were forced to make choices like, “Do we pay rent, buy groceries, or make a car payment?  We can’t do all three.”

Solution: Get a better job.  Seriously.  That’s what did it for us.  I graduated from college, got a job, and we don’t struggle for basic needs any more.

Spend more than you earn. This is an insidious habit that many people struggle with.  It was easy, up until about 9 months ago, to take on more house, more car, and more credit card debt than you could afford.  Now that loan requirements have tightened up it’s more difficult to get a mortgage or car loan, but it’s still relatively easy to rack up credit card debt.  Steve Martin & Amy Poehler know all about not buying stuff you can’t afford.

Solution: Use credit cards only in an emergency, pay cash for most things, and make a budget.

Keep secrets. This one applies especially to couples.  Often one person in the relationship has made a purchase that they know the other would not be okay with, so they endeavor to cover it up.  The pay for it in cash, or they tell their partner it was something else when the credit card statement comes.  The problem becomes critical when the spending begins to interfere with the ability to pay the bills and put food on the table.  If there’s no easy way to figure out where the money is going, then the problem just gets worse.  This problem is often associated with drug, gambling, infidelity, and alcohol problems.

Solution: Allow each other open access to bank account and credit card info.  Discuss finances often and make goals together.  Hold each other accountable on a regular basis, and it becomes harder to keep secrets.

Ignore your budget. It doesn’t do any good to make a budget each month if you don’t actually stick to it.  This was a problem that I had early in my marriage.  It takes discipline and that’s something that I lacked when it came to money.  It has to be learned.  Just because you want something in the moment doesn’t mean you should throw out your plans.  Decide you are going to save for it and then purchase it after you have the money.

Solution: My wife and I started paying for everything in cash.  We took all our money out of the bank each month and put it into envelopes marked Rent, Groceries, Car Payment, etc.  It worked.  We only carried around money that we had allotted as spending money, and when that was gone, there was nothing to spend.

Ignore your bills. Something I still struggle with, even though I’m much more financially solvent.  There’s a certain element of growing up that is required here. My wife would get upset at me in past because there would be a stack of unopened mail on my desk because I knew that they were bills and I didn’t want to pay them.

Solution: When a bill comes, pay it.  If you can’t pay it, call them and make arrangements.  Then continue paying them.  Most creditors are pretty reasonable and are willing to work with you to make the payments.

As I advance further in my career, I am amazed at how a rising socioeconomic status changes my perspective.  When I was first married we fought about money.  We were young, poor, and in college.  There was a lot of pressure to make ends meet.

Fast forward a few years and what a difference.  Of course we’re not spectacularly wealthy, but I make a comfortable living.  Today I was reflecting on what money means to my marriage.

Physical Comfort. Giving plasma to pay for groceries is no way to live at all.  We live in a clean apartment with enough space.  We eat enough, drink enough, and can afford health insurance.  Our material needs are taken care of.  What a blessing it is to know that my wife is comfortable…and that I no longer have to stick a needle in my arm to pay for it.

Less Mental Stress. G.B. Shaw said that the greatest sin is poverty.  One of the worst things about being poor is the constant fear of where the next month’s rent is going to come from.  That fear causes people to exercise poor judgement sometimes.  When I am stressed I tend to lash out.  Having a little extra money gives you the ability to say no, or to make a third choice where before there might have been only two.

Better Service. With more wealth comes more ability to serve.  If you are always looking for a buck, your focus is not on how you can help others.  If you have more than you need, you can give to those who don’t.  This brings greater fulfillment in life, and thus more happiness in marriage.

Better Marital Skills. Ever attended a marital retreat? How about therapy or counseling? Read a self help book or listened to a tape?  Chances are, if you’re poor, you won’t have these opportunities.  Education brings opportunity and skill that you can’t acquire otherwise.

What do you think?  How has money blessed your marriage?  How do you think money will bless your marriage?

Also, don’t forget to enter the contest to send free flowers to your special one on Valentine’s Day!

In the upper echelons of the corporate world, there used to be an unwritten rule that only family men made it to the top - so men made sure that they at least appeared to be family men.

Some men married women simply to look like they were playing the game.  Women considered themselves lucky to marry a man who could provide for them and who didn’t beat them. A woman knew that her duties were to provide sex, children, and to make him look good at all costs.  A marriage built on love was not something that people expected.

As long as the woman made him look good, then it helped his career.  If she was a good homemaker, a good cook, mother and party hostess, then that man was on his way up.

I’d like to think that today’s corporate world is a little bit different.

A wife’s role in today’s corporate world can range from the traditional homemaker who stays with the children full time, helping her husband’s career by making sure things are right at home, to a power broker CEO who runs the boardroom and helps her husband’s career with her own connections.

Here are six ways that the modern wife helps her husband’s career:

Fashion consultant. She loved you when she married you and she thinks you’re a hunk of burning love - but she also wants the world to think you look good too.  Let’s face it, women pay more attention to style.  I walk out the door most days barely put together, but when I really need to look good at work, my wife has a keen eye and an amazing ability to improvise.  She’s also a great judge of color.

Homemaker. In the case of wives who make their career in the home, men are blessed to be able to come home to meals prepared for them on a regular basis, a clean house, and a sense of peace and serenity that is rare to come by in today’s busy world.  Since modern women have the choice of working in or out of the home, today’s homemaker’s are ever more capable and confident in their chosen lifestyle.  The comfort they provide their husbands is beyond measure.

Power Broker. The woman who works in the corporate world is often powerful, successful, and very good at making connections.  Women are natural networkers, and they help each other out.  Heaven help the company or individual who crosses the Power Broker’s husband.  She’ll move heaven and earth to make sure he gets the right job, the right contract, or the table at the right restaurant so that her husband can meet his goals.

Socialite.  Along with being natural networkers, wives have the ability to charm and fascinate clients, coworkers, and bosses.  They leave everyone they come in contact with thinking, “Wow, that guy must really be something to attract someone as vivacious, beautiful, and intelligent as her.  Maybe we should take a second look at him.”

Cheerleader.  No one’s opinion matters more than the wife, and no one’s doubt crushes dreams faster.  The wife who is a cheerleader for her husband can see him soar to new heights as he rides the confidence she gives him with her praise, encouragement, and smiles.  Every man wishes that he had someone to tell him he can do it, and no one fits that bill better than the wife.

Confidant.  Most men rarely share their emotions.  Many men only share their emotions with one person - their wife.  If she’s sweet, and understanding, and firm when she needs to be, then her man will be healthy and able to lead the pack when it comes to landing the big deals or making the major breakthroughs.

How has your wife helped your career?  Answer the poll to the right, and leave comments below.  Don’t forget to share this post with friends!

Image Courtesy BusinessReporter.com

I think most married couples probably talk about Business.  Business, in marriage, is the all encompassing term for childcare, long term planning, finances, household chores, all the stuff that makes a home run well. Step two of the 4 Step Relationship Review is Business.  In the original post, I wrote:

Next we mostly talk about finances - what major expenditures we might have this week or in the near future, planning dates, housekeeping issues, future plans like long term goals.

Lately Lissie and I have been talking about future plans quite a bit.  When we started doing this, we were in college and most of the business section revolved around money.

Our recent discussions have centered on children.  We know we want to have kids, but we are just discussing timing and whether to adopt or go for pregnancy.  We also discuss the division of labor.  We made a deal when we first got married: she does laundry, I do dishes.  Sometimes during the Business section of the Review, we discuss doing something different or in addition to what we normally do.

Lately, we also use the Business section to discuss specific long term goals.  We’re starting to take advantage of the lull in our schedules to participate in Dreamlining - Tim Ferriss’ word for brainstorming goals.  We have always thrown out ideas for things we’d like to do in the future, but now we’re starting to get serious about our goals, and the Relationship Review is the perfect time to talk about them.

Sometimes another person has an idea so good that you just have to evangelize it a little bit.  Corey from the Simple Marriage Project wrote two great posts (links at the bottom of this post) recently about where Lifestyle Design and Marriage intersect.

For those of you unfamiliar with the buzzword Lifestyle Design, it’s a term popularized by Tim Ferriss’ best selling book, The Four Hour Work Week.  The term denotes taking control of your life and living deliberately.  Not in some vague, new age, hippy, indefinable way, but instead taking concrete steps (little ones) each day to work towards a definable, measurable goal.

Much has been written on goals, and I am a goal setter myself, but what amuses me is hearing so many young men (and women) talking about wanting to hit certain goals before they get married.  A person might want to pay off their student loans, travel the world, have adventures, live a little…all before they get married.

This attitude is lacking one fundamental concept: the real adventures in life begin after you get married.  How many people have you heard talk about how much they grew, how much they changed, how much of a better person their spouse made them?  The real adventures in life are the adventures of the soul, the travels and travails of parenthood, and making that journey with the one you are formally devoted to.  There’s something about that formal commitment that joins two people together in a way that is unable to be imitated, and no other form of cooperation can compare to a focused married couple acting as one.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating everyone go out and get married as early as possible.  I was married at 21 and that was a little bit tough.  You know what, though?  It was worth every moment of it.  I would do it again.

It took us a couple of years, but my wife and I discovered a way to help make sure that we were always on the same page.  I’ve talked about it here before, and I’m going to take you all on the journey again, starting with my next post.  What is it?  I’ll give you a hint: it has to do with Lifestyle Design.

In the meantime, check out Corey’s posts LifeStyle Design for Married People and Passionate Life to A More Passionate Marriage

Today’s topic has little to do, at least little directly, with being a husband.  Humor me.

I grew up poor. Not the shoe-less, living in a mud hut, everyone-else-is-poor-because-that’s-our-culture kind of poverty, but the good ol’ American kind of poverty. You know, the one where you live in a trailer park with the fleas and roaches, eat tuna and gravy over Wonder Bread, and Jeff Foxworthy makes jokes about you that hit a little too close to home.

Surely the devastation of poverty in the Phillipines, the AIDS orphans in Kenya, and the malnourished of Ethiopia are pitiable situations. Surely we should do all we can to alleviate these situations.

My personal issue with poverty, however, is one that is often overlooked, I think. We pay a lot of attention, in the USA, to those who are homeless. What about those who are nearly homeless? We like to make jokes about rednecks, white trash, trailer trash, but do we understand how destructive that culture can be? Neil Labute’s play The Distance from Here illustrates in brutal fashion the tough world that kids who grow up in these neighborhoods have to endure. Lack of opportunity, lack of education, and lack of parents with the skills to help their children rise above creates a giant black hole in the rural sections of our suburbs that sucks life, happiness, and health out of the neighborhood.

It’s fashionable to blame these people for their own inability to get it together. It’s the USA, they have every opportunity, right? Perhaps they do, but how can they take advantage of that opportunity if they don’t know where to turn? George Bernard Shaw is famous for saying that the greatest sin in the world is poverty. His play Arms and the Man carries the conflicting message between building big business and using that business to help the poor. Do we carry on as usual with our businesses the way that they have always operated, or do we use the abundance generated from our success to succor those in need?

I was lucky. Even though I grew up in a white trash neighborhood, trailer park and everything. I was given, not a handout, but a hand up. When I was 19 years old I had the opportunity to serve as a full time missionary for two years with the Chinese people of Vancouver, BC. It never would have been possible for me to do that if a kind soul had not decided to fund that trip for me. I still have no idea who it was, but I’m eternally grateful.

I learned things on my mission that helped me overcome the poverty I grew up in. I learned hard work, thrift, balancing a checkbook, serving others, and networking. Those skills have continued to serve me well and I can say that I am well out of the poverty mindset that I grew up in as a child.

Since it’s Blog Action Day I feel as though some sort of call to action is needed. My only call to action is this: what can you do to help someone around you step out of poverty? You may or may not choose to help those in third world countries, but can you reach across town, across the neighborhood, or even across the street?

Image courtesy of sweepdaleg.wordpress.com

Over the last few days I have been watching the news intently.  I have had a keen interest in the financial situation and whether or not Congress would approve the proposed bailout plan.  With the failure of the bailout plan yesterday, there is a great deal of uncertainty in the market, and many people are wondering where to go.

I was discussing it with my wife last night and over the weekend.  She expressed some concern over the market and wondering what it means for our lives.  I have many of the same concerns.  I told her it would be okay.  I wondered to myself, however, if it really would be.

Without taking away from stay at home mothers, single mothers, or any other family situation I laud those men who are sole providers for their families.  It’s not easy.  There’s a great deal of career pressure when you are the provider.  It’s times like these that test men and force them to stand up and be accounted for.  Many men are wondering:

How will I lead my family in times of uncertainty?

How can I reassure my wife that things will be fine?

Will I still have my job a year from now, and if not, how will I provide for my family?

What will I teach my children about the economy, about money and credit?  Do I understand it myself?

Hats off to those men who tackle these questions head on without burying their head in the sand.  Hats off to those men who reach out to help not only their own families, but those around them as well.

Men, what do you think?  How do you answer these questions?  What other questions do you have in this time of uncertainty?