Run for the hills. That’s what you do.

Seriously.

I was feeling a bit cheeky when I wrote this, thought about deleting it, then thought, “Nah. How much trouble can it get me in?” We’ll see.

Don’t:

- Try to be a mediator. If your mother and your wife don’t get along, they need to work it out themselves. You might think you can fix it, but this would be a grave mistake. Getting between this dispute could get you crushed.
- Take sides. If they’re having a dispute and one of them turns to you and says, “What do you think,” you should probably say something like, “What? I wasn’t listening. I’m really involved with my macrame.”

- Compare your wife’s cooking to your mom’s. It’s also a good idea not to compare how they clean. In fact don’t compare anything. If your wife asks if her home made strawberry rhubarb chocolate tart compares to your mother’s slow cooked rosemary chicken pie, just pretend to pass out. Your wife will be so concerned that she will forget all about the food.
- Force them to like each other or even spend time together. This would be like trying to herd cats. Whenever I try to get my cat to do anything, her fur stands up on end, she starts that deep throated warning growl, and she tries to bite me.

Do:

- When you have time together, structure it. While some of you may be having visions of a refereed boxing match, I was thinking something more along the lines of seeing a movie, playing a board game, or hiking. When your wife and mother are together, do something that won’t allow for a lot of idle chit chat. That’s when things get catty (see above reference - sorry, couldn’t resist).
- Make sure they both know you love them. Tell them. Separately. Tell them when they’re in the same room. Find out what they want from you and do that - as long as it doesn’t involve sharp objects and the other woman in your life.

- Make sure they know that it isn’t fair for you to be in this position. Sit them both down, individually or separately, and tell them to grow up and get along. Your mom was there first, but your wife is with you for the rest of your life and she’s going to mother your own children. Tell them it’s not fair to make you choose, and it’s not fair to make you mediate. Then throw a pie at them.

- Make sure your wife knows she comes first. I know I said don’t choose sides, but in the long run, your wife has got to be your first priority. If you don’t understand why this is…well, write me and we’ll talk. I’m sure one of the ladies reading this will be happy to explain why your wife should be first in your life - maybe even in a nice long post on their own blog that links back to this post.

After surveying a panel of women (the two that I live with) there was some discussion (and many declarative statements) over whether Indiana Jones would be a good husband. What do you think?

Here are some ideas.

Smart. He’s got a Ph.D. in Archaeology and he sure knows his history. In addition, his problem solving skills would be invaluable in any problem you might run into - like snakes that might be terrorizing your garden.

Regularly endangers those around him. Things have a habit of blowing up, falling down, sinking, and falling apart whenever Indy is around. This doesn’t bode well for the stability of a relationship.

Fun. After crashing through walls, riding a mine cart and walking on an invisible bridge over a thousand foot shaft, how could you ever think you’ll be bored with Indy by your side?

Always suspicious and jealous. Indy’s constantly looking over his shoulder for whoever is chasing him, cursing him, or wanting to steal from him. He’s a little paranoid - even if it is with just cause.
A good teacher. @jimsharp on Twitter said, “Indy would provide good “hands-on” history lessons for the kids. The perfect father for a kinesthetic learner!”

Never there when you need him. He seriously doesn’t spend any time at home and he always leaves at a moment’s notice.

Good looking. Name a woman who doesn’t think Indy is one handsome rogue?
Won’t confide in you. He never tells anyone what’s going on and acts at the last minute.

What do you think? Ladies, would you marry Indy? Guys, would you model yourselves after the great adventurer?

Every Good Husband wants his marriage to last and to be strong. Wendy Piersall’s latest call to action for CrowdSourcing inspired this post.

While I currently work as a sales manager for an internet marketing company, when I was in college I had just married my wife and I worked out of my home as a sales rep for a telecommunications company. The following is what I learned from my own experience and the stories of colleagues.

Focus on your family first. The reason most of us work is so that we can support our families. While our jobs hopefully bring us a great deal of satisfaction, we need to remember that when we’re old and feeble we want our spouse and kids to know us well enough that they want to take care of us. A good way to do this is to have a weekly family council.

Have defined roles for family members and for employees/coworkers. If your family members are involved in the family business, give them a defined set of tasks so that they don’t feel like the business consumes all life within its vicinity. Employees and coworkers should have defined roles as well so that there is not friction between them and family members. Set goals and have celebrations when you hit those goals!

Make sure you have a work area. It’s tempting to sit in front of the TV when working at home and just work while you watch. The problem with this is that it doesn’t put you in the proper frame of mind to be productive. You may get your work done, but you won’t be focused, you may make mistakes, and it’ll get done faster if you buckle down without distractions. Plus, when you have kids, a set work area that they can’t enter will allow you to work unbothered.

Make sure you have work hours. While one of the benefits of working at home is that you can set your own hours, having set office hours is a real blessing. One of my friends, we’ll call her Betty, works from home as a programmer, but she often works late hours simply because she gets up late or takes a long break in the middle of the day. Now, there’s nothing wrong with changing things up every once in a while simply because you can, but setting a regular schedule for yourself will let your spouse and kids know when you are available to play.

Leave work at work. Easier to do for 9 - 5 employees, but important for you too. For at least a few hours each day (and I don’t mean at bedtime), turn off the Blackberry, mentally put away your to do list, and focus on your family. Make sure your kids know you love them. Make sure your wife knows you have your priorities in order.

Come on guys. Don’t talk bad about your wife. It’s pretty much the opposite of being A Good Husband.

The other day I was telling my wife how irritated I get when I hear men engaging in wife bashing. You know what I’m talking about. Guy gets irritated at something that his wife did, or he arrives late to the game and everyone gives him a hard time, so he starts talking about how it’s all her fault, listing everything she did wrong, and then looking around for sympathy.

Some other guy feels bad for him, even identifies with the situation perhaps, and then chimes in, “Yeah that totally sucks. One time, my wife…” Pretty soon, everyone’s joined in and the men are laughing and joking and…trash talking the women that they chose to spend the rest of their lives with.

Something is wrong with this picture.

You might chalk it up to a guy needing to save face in front of the boys. You might blame it on him not thinking that what he’s doing is wrong.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that it’s never okay to talk badly about your wife, for the following reasons:

You chose her. Presumably, unless you are living in an arranged marriage, you chose to marry your wife. You met her, dated her, spent a lot of time with her, and asked her to marry you. Chances are she hasn’t changed much since you married her. If you didn’t like it then, why did you opt in?

You made a vow to protect her and cherish her. Most marriage vows say something to that effect. Even if you made up your own vows or simply went to the county courthouse and eloped, the idea is the same. Marriage is a contract that implies a certain amount of duty to each other.
She should be the priority. After making sure that your own physical and spiritual needs are met, your wife should come before work, school, friends, and family. Looking good in front of the guys and scoring points with your coworkers should never step in front of that.

You look like a spineless coward. Only the most craven of men think that making fun of a woman is funny. It takes a real man to stand up and say, “Hey, I love my wife and if she needs my help, then I’m going to give it, even if it takes time away from the guys.” Which brings me to my next point…

Next time you hear a man bashing his own wife, do her, him, me, and every other guy a favor and just grab the nearest tack hammer and brain the guy. The world will be a better place.

This is a guest post by April who writes for Normal Mormons.

This is the fourth post in a series of guest posts from different female bloggers around the net. The ideas for these posts sprang from the question, “What do wives wish good husbands knew?”The Donkey (he’s a bit clueless) and The Wife (she’s pretty patient) share funny stories from their marriage at WifeAdvice.com

He Said

Can a husband ever be too busy to compliment his wife? I like to hope so since I am terrible at complimenting my wife, but the fact is no one is that busy. Women need and love to be complimented. It’s a simple truth that wives need encouragement and praise because they have one of the hardest jobs: dealing with us husbands. Wives are sweet people by nature and need to be nurtured by their husbands. They look to their husbands for that support and thrive on that special complimenting whisper from the ones they love the most. So what can husbands like us do? What do our wives need? Allow me to shed some light on the situation.

Getting out of the compliment-less frame of mind
For those of you who just can’t seem to turn the compliment corner, I have a solution: make it a habit. Some husbands may have forgotten how to compliment their wives while others may have never regularly complimented them. If you fall within these categories, then you will benefit from a compliment checklist. Simply create a checklist that will be easy to access (paper based or electronic). Start out with a goal to make 2-3 compliments per day. Don’t get crazy and make a goal for 10 right off the bat. You want to be slick about this, not overtly obvious that you are forcing the compliments. After several days of success, you can turn it up a notch and go for 3-5 complimentary statements. Experts claim that habits take 2 weeks to form, so you should begin to see some automatic behavior by day 7. After 2 weeks you can throw your reminder cards away and enjoy a natural approach to complimenting your wife.

If you are really clueless you can use some of my favorite compliments. I have provided some starter compliments and some expert ones once you get the hang of it. Again, you don’t want to be too obvious in the beginning

Starter Compliments:

• The house looks great today. Maybe tomorrow you can make it two in a row.
• It’s been great to have you in such a good mood recently. I haven’t heard any yelling all day.
• I never knew you could cook?? What a delicious dinner!
• What a nice dress! I can’t believe you can fit into that again.

Expert Compliments:

• You looked so nice when I left this morning that I couldn’t wait to see you again after work.
• I appreciate the time and effort you put into raising our children. The work you do will influence generations to come.
• How did I get so lucky to marry such a great woman?
• Why should we ever go out to eat when you make great food like this?

• Compliments: See The Donkey’s list above, or come up with your own
• Validation: Listen to your wife’s concerns and feelings and show that you understand
• Encouragement: Let your wife know that you believe in her, and encourage her in areas where she may be unsure.
• Affection: A quick pat on the knee, a kiss on the cheek, or a hug are great ways to give your wife positive feedback.

Sometimes husbands aren’t perfect at doing this type of stuff. My husband couldn’t understand why I didn’t take it as a compliment when he rated my looks a 6 out of 10 (while we were on our honeymoon!). So you may need to be a bit patient with them, and model some positive feedback yourself. But, if I can love a donkey, anyone can.

This is the first post in a series of guest posts from different female bloggers around the net.
The ideas for these posts sprang from the question, "What do wives wish good husbands
knew?"  This post is by Glorybeam, author of the blog, "Why I Love My Husband."

“You never…” (take me out; compliment me; help with the
housework, etc.)

“You always…” (go out with your friends; put me down; make a
mess, etc.)

Without realizing it, I had fallen into the trap of all-or-nothing  thinking.  I had a negative perspective, filled with
pessimistic thoughts, towards my relationship with my husband, and towards life.  I was caught in a
downward spiral of depression.

Alaska is a land of extremes — severe cold and darkness throughout  much of the year, and endless
daylight for a short summer. Long, dreary, dark, winter days play havoc on the minds of people;
alcoholism, depression, and suicide are rampant.

I came to Alaska, knowing that I struggled with depression. My father, a minister, had been diagnosed
with severe clinical depression, and died at age 48, ending a life of pain and disability. I grew up
reading my father’s counseling books, and going to counseling. I had met my husband, a future minister,
at Bible School, and together we ministered to others. With fifteen years of marriage and ministry
behind us, we knew that a calling to Alaska, “The Final Frontier,” would be no easy task.

Going into our third winter, I rapidly descended into the vortex of  depression.  I sought help from
every direction, from the medical profession, psychological counseling, behavioral coaching, and
spiritual intervention. I believe that healing came because of my intense motivation for relief, along
with treatment from professionals, and most of all, the attribution of God’s Divine power
to change and heal.  I also believe that one powerful tool was deeply effective in healing not only my
mind but also my marriage.

As I was browsing the web, I came across a blog one day, called “Why I hate my husband.”
My jaw dropped, as I read the daily rants about the stupidity and crassness of the man this woman
had (willingly?) married. What a sad story! Yet, just that morning I had been thinking  negatively about
my own relationship with my husband. I decided, then and there, to put into action a thought I had about
focusing on the good things.

I have always written letters in journal-form, to God, to people I was angry with or offended by, and mostly,
to my husband.  Before we were  married, I had compiled a notebook full of letters, never sent. It was
good therapy. So, I set about to start another notebook, online — a  journal for the world to read. But this
time I planned to force myself to write about 100 reasons why I love my husband.

Before I was even one-third of the way through my goal, an amazing  thing happened.  I started to love my
husband even more! It was quite evident to my husband, of course, and he was most thankful for the
transformation.  He started telling our friends about my blog. Only then did I realize how powerful and
instrumental my blog had been in changing my perspective. It was good therapy!

Is it okay to carry momentos of old girlfriends or ex-wives around with you? What constitutes emotional infidelity?

April writes:

My husband, who I have been married to for almost two years has what we call a “Samantha Box.” This is an old clarinet case with every note, picture, and sentiment that he received from his high school girlfriend…He acts like it’s all innocent, and that he doesn’t have “feelings” for her….but I am just not sure. We are actually really happy together, and I don’t feel threatened as much as I used to. When he went to his parents house over the weekend, he brought back the box and said, “I thought I would bring it back and we could have a little bon-fire.” Now I don’t know if I want to “burn” it because I think I would feel bad about erasing memories. I don’t have anything like that from ex-boyfriends, even my high-school sweetheart… but my exes make my husband look GOOD…so I would have no problem getting rid of the memorabilia.

The question has been edited for length.

Funny, when I asked my wife about this, she implied that if I had a “Samantha box” that I would probably be in mortal danger…and I believe it.

When I asked our older room mate, however, she said “What’s the big deal? It was years ago, right?”

I suppose it’s all in how you look at it, and that’s just the key here. Your husband should respect your boundaries. He should be putting you first at every turn, and I can honestly see how keeping this momento is a sort of emotional infidelity. If it makes you really uncomfortable, then why does he still need it around?

In your case, he’s already offered to burn the thing. Obviously he wants to put your first and care about your emotions. Why would you not be okay with that? It’s difficult enough to maintain a working marriage through the tough times. Doing this together can be a bonding moment, and uplifting moment that brings you closer.