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This year I have only three goals. One of them is to be there for my wife as she pursues her dreams. She has recently had a renaissance in her life and has expressed to me her desire to accomplish certain things. It is easy, when someone reveals their Big Dream, to express dismay and doubt that someone can accomplish something that big.

I think that the way that I can show her I love her is by being there for her, encouraging her every step of the way. I can’t do these things for her, or even really give advice on how it’s done. Instead, I must resolve myself to always be positive, never doubt her.

While the physical resources that I can provide her are limited, I will do what I can in that area.

The emotional resources, however, I can provide far more of. I can pick her up when she’s down. I can be excited and enthusiastic when she shares her successes. I can listen, refrain from giving advice, and offer a shoulder to cry on when she shares her failures. While I can’t make all the hurt go away, I can certainly be her safe place to land. I can make sure I never hurt her more than the world will already hurt her.

Very few women are as spiritually and emotionally strong as my wife. Her strength has been forged through years of trial more difficult than most people can imagine. I can give her this gift in the New Year - I will be there for her.

Each year my wife and I have a tradition where we write each other a letter.  While I don’t actively maintain this site anymore, I thought a few of you might be interested in knowing that I still love my wife, and we are still happy to be with each other.  Here’s my anniversary letter to my wife this year.

Dearest Wife,

Several people have asked me about the seven year itch.  Not the Marilyn Monroe Movie, but the idea that seven years is the time when married couples start to feel constrained by their bonds of marriage.  I can honestly say I haven’t given the idea a second thought, other than to laugh at the idea that our marriage could somehow be constraining me.

As an artist, I’ve learned that you can’t just create willy-nilly without some sort of objective.  That objective forces constraints and those constraints are what bring true creativity.  Working within the bounds of medium bring a focus, a determination, and a platform from which to work.

So it is with our marriage.  We have the goal of being together forever, happily.  We know that after we pass on, if we have lived worthily, our spirits will be bonded together eternally in the hereafter as man and wife.  We know that true happiness comes from sharing life’s experiences together, and because we know these things, we strive to achieve that eternal happiness.

Over the last year I’ve changed jobs, you’ve graduated, and our lives have started to settle into a sort of beautiful rythim.   While I know that the peaceful state we’re in may only last a few months before the winds of change blow us into a new chapter, I appreciate knowing that we have a routine.

I love you now more than when we were first married.  While that first year was tough, it seems so much smaller now than it did even last year.  I feel so free with you, so happy.  I can share with you my deepest thoughts, my loveliest desires, and know that you will hold them safe in your heart.

Those who have not experienced the joy of being married can perhaps never know the safety, security, and peace that come from knowing that both parties are totally committed to each other, no matter what happens.  No matter how sick you are, no matter how frustrated I might become with work, we stick together and see each other through every tough situation.  I love you for that and hope each day that I can show you a little bit of that love.

It’s easy to find you sexy because you are.  While some may laugh and say that it’s because we’ve been together so long, you give me goosebumps sometimes…and I love it.

You are my darling.  My fresh, exquisite, beautiful, pristine darling wife and I am grateful each morning when I wake up next to you.  Seven years or seventy, your love is my treasure and I’ll never throw that away.

I love you, and happy anniversary.

A Good Husband

Have you ever been too busy to be married?  You’re busy with work, school, kids, hobbies, and all the other things, and it’s putting a serious strain on your marriage. What do you do?

Is it permanent or just temporary? For many couples there are times when things become extra busy for a short period of time.  Perhaps someone gets sick, or has an extra project at work that takes up more time.  Perhaps a child is involved in a time consuming extra curricular - or perhaps you are.

If there is an end date in sight, then don’t freak out.  Figure out how to cope until the end comes.  You might try picking up a temporary hobby or a fun new TV show until your spouse finishes their project.

If it’s permanent, then you need the advice below even more than if it’s temporary.  If you are regularly away on long business trips, or you have a hobby that takes up a tremendous amount of your time, then you must make even more effort to secure your family ties.

Plan for it. Most of the time, people know when they are going to have a busy time coming.  Many couples fail to plan what they will do with their marriage when that time comes.  Have a college finals week coming up?  Are you an accountant during tax season?  Try to throw in a quick lunch on one or two of those days in a week.  You should integrate a weekly planning session into your activities as a couple so that you know when you can fit it in.

Speak Your Spouse’s Language. If you are a Good Husband, you will regularly check in with your spouse and see how she is doing, or just let her know you love her.  When you are busy you need to be able to check in relatively quickly.  Do you know how to do that?  Sure, after you’ve been married a while you can communicate a lot in just a few words and some body language, but do you know what communicates love to your spouse most effectively?  Does she like touch, kind words, or little acts of service best?  Whichever one it is, you had better find out.

Spend 30 minutes. Even if you are regularly getting home late at night and you need some time to unwind, you owe it to your spouse to give her 30 minutes of your undivided attention.  Sit down, throw your stuff aside, and give her your full attention.  Set a timer if you need to, but do it.  Ask her about her day, listen, and then tell her about your day.  Express love.  You’ll be amazed at how much you can communicate in 30 minutes and how much better you’ll both feel if you can just focus on each other for a little while.

Be patient. When one spouse is busy with an important project they often feel guilty that they are taking so much time away from the family.  Daddy regrets those long business trips anyway.  Mom, you won’t make the situation better by complaining or pouting when he has to leave.  Give a cheerful smile and a loving kiss when your spouse leaves, and greet them with a smile when they come home.

Little Acts of Service. My wife is a pro at leaving little notes when she knows that she’s going to miss me.  She’ll write a few notes on Post Its, and then put them all over my things.  Sometimes if I’m home for just a few minutes when she’s not, I’ll clean something or take out the trash.

Remember that while you can stop the gap with these little pieces of advice, no amount of success in work, school, or otherwise can make up for failure in the home.  Your marriage is the single most important relationship that you develop in life and everything else is secondary to it.  If you are too busy for months or years on end, you can do damage to your marriage that can take years to repair.

What are your major reasons for being too busy?  Please share with the community what makes you busy and how you strive to balance your family life.

Today I found out that a friend of mine is getting a divorce.  I haven’t known him very long, but he’s an exceptionally likable person and very, very intelligent.  He also has children that he loves very much and as long as I’ve known him he has always expressed how much he loves them and how fun they are.  As far as I knew, his marriage was good.

Apparently I was wrong.

When my wife and I got married, we had neighbors across the hall that were married a week after we were.  We were both young couples, still in college, and under a lot of stress.  They started fighting almost immediately and ended up divorced after just a couple of months.

The thing that I found disturbing about these divorces is how insecure they make me.  Seeing other people’s marriages dissolve causes me to realize how fragile relationships really are.

So then I have to ask myself.  How can I make this experience a positive one?  What can I learn in order to improve my own marriage and keep it from ending?

Never Assume.  “If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her?”  These lyrics to the Garth Brooks song always make me wonder if I’ve done enough.  I think it’s good if I feel secure in my relationship, but I shouldn’t allow myself to become complacent.  Never assume that just because you are happy that she is too.

Talk with Her. When my wife and I were married, we were told over and over again that communication was the key to a strong and happy marriage.  If I’m feeling bad that friends are getting divorced, then I should talk with her about our own relationship and how we are doing.  Find out what her feelings are.  What is she happy with?  What would she like to see change?

Renew My Commitment. When I married my wife, I made a commitment that it would be for ever.  When I hear about someone I know getting a divorce, it makes me want to renew my dedication to my own marriage.  It’s a matter of pride to me that we’ve been able to stay married, and stay happy, for the last 6+ years.

Be Grateful. I’m exceptionally grateful that my wife still loves me.  I’m grateful that she still calls me her best friend, and I’m grateful that we can still make each other laugh and that we always come to each other first whenever something is difficult.

Realize Their Marriage is Not Mine. It’s easy to look at the number of people getting divorced and be discouraged.  In all reality, it doesn’t matter what happens to other people’s relationships if I am taking care of my own.  Even though it makes me feel insecure, in the end it comes down to what we do with our own relationship, not what others do.

This is a guest post from Khara, one of the cool folks over at CSNBaby.com.

Listen up Dads; get your own diaper bag! Gone are the days when Moms and Dads share the same pink, paisley diaper bag. Diaper bag manufacturers have heard the call and come to the rescue with stylish, man-approved diaper bags that seamlessly blend both form and function. Diaper bags are designed to make traveling with baby a breeze, packed with of all the baby essentials.

Choosing the right diaper bag is infinitely easier than choosing, lets say, cribs, where you have safety concerns as well as the style factor to worry about. Let’s outline some of the most popular diaper bags for men.

It used to be that diaper tote bags were the standard, however that’s not the case anymore. Dads can choose from messenger bag-style diaper bags as well as backpack-style diaper bags.

• Messenger Bag Diaper Bags: If you’re a working Dad, chances are you use a messenger bag or a briefcase on a daily basis. Just like a normal messenger bag carries all of your essential work supplies - lunch, newspaper, laptop - a messenger diaper bag carries all of the essential baby supplies you’ll need for a walk in the park or a trip across country.Messenger bag-style diaper bags can include everything from a changing pad, stroller hangers and a refillable wipes holder as well as a space to hold food, bottles and any other baby supplies. With messenger bag diaper bags, it’s all about the extra storage space. Pockets, pockets, pockets! Pockets for diapers, zippered pockets, bottle/sippy cup holders - pockets for everything.These diaper bags are also designed to be comfortable. While it’s a good idea not to over-stuff your diaper bag, choosing a bag with a comfortable padded strap is a must. Messenger diaper bags today are designed with the low-maintenance and stylish Dad in mind. Easy to clean and available in a variety of fabrics, colors, patterns and prints, there’s a messenger diaper bag to satisfy even the most discriminating tastes.
• Backpack Messenger Bags: Another diaper bag option Dads have is the backpack diaper bag. The biggest advantage of these bags is more storage space. Again, it’s important that you not over-stuff the diaper bag with non-essentials but this is a viable option for plane travel as well as outdoor family activities. Easier on the back, backpack diaper bags provide more support than the messenger bag-style which sits on the shoulder.Backpack diaper bags come with all of the benefits of messenger bag diaper bags with more pockets and storage space. There are generally at least two bottle holders which makes for easier traveling. Heavy duty, weather resistant and easy-to-clean fabrics are commonplace with back pack diaper bags. Also, just as with the messenger-bag style, there’s a fantastic variety of colors and patterns available for Dads to choose from.If you don’t like the look and feel of a standard double strap backpack diaper bag, consider a mono strap diaper bag. Just as stylish and durable as the double strap variety, mono strap backpack diaper bags can be slung over the shoulder but won’t slip off like a messenger bag might, held in place with Velcro or snaps.

Whether you consider yourself to be fashionably aware or not, your diaper bag options have just expanded. Just make sure you choose one that fits you and has ample storage space for all of your needs. Daddy diaper duty has never been so stylish!

What do you all think?  What kind of diaper bags do you prefer?  Name names, brands, and styles in the comments below.

Here it comes.  V-Day.  Chocolates.  Roses.  Schmaltzy quotes and Hallmark cards.  Valentine’s Day.  My wife and I have always had fun on Valentine’s Day.  Up until this year, we’ve been financially poor, but relationship rich.  I never had to buy her love with a diamond ring, because we show each other love on a daily basis, but we’ve always celebrated the holiday by doing something special together, just the two of us.

The other day I asked readers, “What is romance?”  First time commenter Steven Fisher made a great point about romance.  It’s not the big events.  It’s buying her flowers for no special reason.  For us, it’s been things like building shelves for her, slow dancing in our apartment, cooking together, or making out while watching Star Trek.

You see, romance, and marriage, is not a single act, but the accumulation of little events and acts of love over the months, years, and decades of a relationship.  I remember as a child admiring men who could honestly say that they were more in love after 25 years of marriage than they were on their wedding day.  I didn’t grow up with that, but I longed for it, and now I can say that I’m well on my way there.

It was a bit of a rocky start, but Lissie and I learned how to communicate with each other.  Every interaction we have now is tinged with a bit of love and romance.  Every time we are together it brightens my mood and makes life a little bit lighter.  Even if we’re just in our apartment together, doing our own seperate thing, it makes life a little bit happier.

Lately I’ve been super busy rehearsing for the upcoming performance of my next play.  I’ve been away from my wife most evenings for the past two weeks.  I can honestly say that no matter what we do for Valentine’s Day (and I have plans…oh, I do) it will be special simply because I’m with her.  Can you say that about your marriage?  I hope so.

Gentlemen, take a moment to reflect on this latter question.  Can you say that your Valentine’s Day will be special simply because you will be with your wife?  If not, what can you do to make the day special for her and for you?

Last week’s free flower giveaway was a bit of an eye opener for me. When I asked men to leave their most romantic story, I was surprised that so many of the answers were so…not romantic. Initially, I thought it was just me, but then my wife commented on it after reading the entries…then a friend of mine was like, “Dude, the guys who read your blog are totally not romantic. Guess that’s why they think you can help them, huh?”

At first, I was a little offended at my friend’s insinuation, but after some thought I was like, “Well, Cory, you started this site because you thought it could be a resource.” So…yeah, I guess there are quite a few guys out there who have no idea that men & women think different things are romantic.

Men see romance as a task to complete.

Is it true? Many of the comments on that post were about the way that men proposed to their wives. A few were about what they did for their wives before they were married. I can’t be sure, but I don’t think any of the stories occurred within the last 2 - 3 years.

Is romance a list of set procedures? Can you maximize the return on investment of a romantic gesture and calculate out what you can get with the least amount of effort? I am guessing that any women reading this are repelled just by the idea of that last sentence.

Romance as relationship maintenance.

Responsible men know that they need to get their car serviced. You change the oil every 5000 miles, put gas in, and get the brakes checked. Romance is the equivilant of relationship maintenance. Take your wife out for a date, bring her a gift for no reason, praise her regularly, and touch her lovingly. Regular romance is better than any single gesture of love over time.

Last week, when I asked for a story of the most romantic thing you’ve done for your wife, perhaps I did you all a bit of a disservice by putting attention on that singular event. Attention should really be paid to what are you doing now?

What does ongoing romance mean to you?

Time to send some flowers to your loved one! Read people’s stories of romance here and then vote on the right hand side of the page for your favorite story. Each person gets four votes. Polls close on Saturday at Midnight!

If you are one of the people who entered their story in the contest, then make sure you tell all of your friends to come and vote for your story! You can do this easily by clicking on the Share This link at the bottom of this article, before the comments.

Winners will be announced on Monday morning and gift codes emailed to the winners. If you want to know who won, be sure to subscribe to A Good Husband updates for free!

UPDATE: ProFlowers.com loves AGoodHusband.net readers, and wants to give you an extra gift. From now through March 1, you can get a 20% discount off of any flowers & a free vase by clicking on this link. Let me know if you purchase anything. I’d like to know how it turns out!

Would you like to send flowers to your wife for free?  Do you want to be seen as the champion Good Husband who orders flower delivery for his beautiful bride at work?  I hold in my hands the power to give a lucky few of you (five, actually) a $70 gift certificate for Proflowers.com - just in time for Valentine’s Day!!

How to Win Free Flowers for Your Wife

A Good Husband is all about helping you become the best husband you can be.  So much good advice comes from the community that I thought I would invite you, the reader, to share some of your best romance advice.

In the comments below, tell the rest of us husbands what is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for your wife.  The story can be as long or as short as you like, but make sure you tell us what you did and how she reacted.  Don’t wait, do it now, because contest entries received after midnight on Wednesday February 4th will not be eligible to win.  Be sure to give a real email address so I can contact you.

Win Free Flowers If You Are A Wife

Ladies are eligible too.  If your husband is too shy to visit the site and tell us all about how great he is, then give us a little blurb and we’ll consider you entered in the contest.

Readers will vote on the Most Romantic Stories

Make sure you tell your story well.  I will be selecting the top 10 - 15 stories and putting the contest to a reader vote.  The top five stories will receive $70 worth of flowers from Proflowers.com.  Guys, keep in mind that about half of the people who visit this site are women - mostly wives.

Voting will begin the morning of February 5th and continue through midnight on the 6th.  Winners will be announced on the site on the 8th and notified by email.  Be sure to subscribe to the site (it’s free) so that you can find out who won!  If you want to read the stories, subscribe to the comments and you’ll receive those as they’re updated.

Other Ways to Win Free Flowers for your Wife

Proflowers has been exceptionally generous this Valentine’s Day Season and is giving away flowers through other outstanding websites as well.  Here is a list of the other sites also giving away free flowers:

• You Served Military Blog
• Daddy Forever
• At Home Dad
• Patrick Says
• Building Camelot
• Art of Manliness
• Ploomy

There are several other sites participating in the giveaway, but you should be able to get going with those few.  I highly recommend all of them.

Come back tomorrow and the next day to read some of the stories, and to get some great advice on how to pick flowers for your wife after you win the contest!

UPDATE: The contest ended in February 2009 and is closed to new entries.

The following is a guest post from Nathan Mcgee.

I have been married for 9 years (going on 10). I would love to say that we have been blissfully compatible since the day we got hitched, but far from it.  We have had our disagreements and, at times, heated arguments.  My grandpa told us, “You don’t really know a person until you’ve been married to them for 25 years.”  At times we hoped to make it just one more year.

The Cookie Dough Incident of 2000
One afternoon, early in our marriage, she was making some chocolate chip cookies. She had whipped up a batch of dough and I promptly started eating it as she dropped spoonfuls on the sheet.  My wife asked me to stop eating the dough.  I told her, “I like cookie dough,” as I took another bite.  What started as a simple request and honest rebuttal soon turned into a half hour “discussion.”  I pointed out that this was how my family made cookies, then she explained to me that if I eat all the dough then there won’t be any cookies.  Eventually we came to an understanding.  I still eat cookie dough (which is my favorite part), but she makes sure to double the recipe so that there are plenty of cookies (which is her favorite part).

Since then we have been learning how to communicate better, particularly when we don’t quite see eye to eye.  Here are the tips that I’ve found very helpful… (disclaimer:  I do not claim to be a master of these principles and find that I have to remind myself frequently to get back on path).

#1 Remember That You Love Each Other
I put this one first because it is the most important and, sometimes, the most difficult.  When tempers are high, love is often the last thing on your mind.  It helps to verbally state your love, “I am angry and frustrated with you right now, but I love you.”  It may not send you into a sudden frenzy of passionate kissing, but it will help tone down the situation.

#2 Stay Calm
No one knows how to push my buttons quicker than my wife!  If I am able to stay calm, she calms down and then we can solve the problem.  When we are both tense, then it just becomes a “you did…” match and nothing gets solved.

#3 Seek First to Understand
Most of the time, an argument starts with a simple misunderstanding.  When it isn’t a misunderstanding, people can still feel like they aren’t being understood.  The best way to combat this is the classic technique recommended by psychologists and conflict managers… restate.
Her: “It makes me so angry when you leave your shoes in the middle of the floor!”
You: “So you are upset because I left my shoes out?”

#4 Seek to Be Understood
This can be as simple as asking for her perception of your side of the story.
You: “Why do you think I keep leaving my shoes on the floor?”
Her: “Because you don’t care about keeping our home clean!”
Make sure to validate her concerns and clarify your reasoning, if necessary.
You: “I do want to keep the place clean, I just get distracted and do not think of shoes as clutter.”

#5 No One “Always” or “Never”
This can be an easy trap to fall into.  “You always leave your shoes in the middle of the floor and you never think to put them in the closet!” Truth is, no one always or never does something.  Maybe 90% of the time, but there are occasions when people veer from their habits, even if it is just momentarily.  Always and never are absolute words and in relationships, habits, behaviors and emotions can change.  You or your spouse do not want to feel confined into an absolute behavior.  “Most of the time” or “Hardly” while still emphasizing the frequency, or lack thereof, is more open and accepting.

#6 When You are Wrong, Promptly Admit It
This is good advice and probably one of the hardest to follow.  Be open to the possibility that you might be wrong. I do not mean that you should just cave to everything, but really look at the issue and if you are wrong, admit it. Followed by a sincere apology.

#7 Don’t Forget to Laugh
Laughter will lighten any mood.  There are times when feelings have been tremendously hurt and grave mistakes have been made, but for life’s little arguments, laughter can be a much needed comfort.  It can turn an argument into a building experience!

Marriage is a challenge.  You are two different people trying to ride through life together.  There are going to be disagreements which can make or break your marriage if you let them.  I do not think it’s impossible to master these principles, difficult as they may be, but perfection is not the goal. The goal is to experience consistent learning, growing and loving together.

Nathan McGee is a Social Media Strategist and trying to be a good husband to a beautiful woman who blessed him with two beautiful daughters.  He can be found at nathanmcgee.com or follow him on twitter, @nathanmcgee.