. . . from the beginning, [Satan] has worked with a vengeance to distort the very definition of womanhood and to confuse everyone about us, including us. Here are just a few of [Satan’s] lies: That men are smarter, have all the power, and are more important, so if we want to have influence we should be more like them; that marriage and family are confining; that motherhood is menial and a waste of any talented woman’s time; that women are perpetually frazzled and failing; and that a woman’s value is based on her size, shape and what she accomplishes outside the home. Too many women have bought these lies. Our culture is disintegrating at the speed of light, and unfortunately, our gender is doing a lot of the damage.

~Sheri Dew, ["Awake, Arise, and Come Unto Christ"
a speech given at 2008 BYU Women's Conference]

Special thanks to Liss from The Fascinating Woman for this quote.

Indeed, so many men buy into the above stereotypes as well.  Men, a Good Husband stands up for his wife, cares for her, and encourages her.  He also defends her against such abuse and goes out of his way to keep it from ever coming to her.  When he fails in his duty, he owns up to that responsibility and makes it right.  No matter how late it is at night or how much stress he’s under.

The one year anniversary of A Good Husband came and went without much fanfare (first post here).  This has been a modest project by any measurement, but I am glad that it has been met with well wishes by so many of you.  For the next few days, until after the New Year, I want to share with you some of the best posts from the last year.

Chivalry is Dead Because Men Are Killing It is a classic example of a blogger rant.  These kinds of rants are irritating when done all the time, but occasionally the passion bleeds out and people respond to it.  Chivalry is a bit of controversial topic.  Is it a good thing?  Is it an out of date byproduct of a frightening era?  You decide.

Image courtesy of think2ink.wordpress.com

Men may not comment much on Daddy Blogs. They also may not comment much on websites about how to be a good husband. Men also, apparently, don’t think much of chivalry. You know where they do comment though? They comment on websites about how women are entitlement princesses, gold diggers, and whores.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have come across a couple of blogs that I originally thought were about male empowerment and becoming a better man. As I read posts however, and read comments and participated in the discussions, I discovered that these sites were more about enabling men who don’t want to step up to the plate and make the world what it could be.

These men have several flawed arguments for not stepping up.

- Feminism teaches women to disrespect men. While certain elements of feminism are anti-male, that’s not what feminism is about. Modern feminism is about women taking their rights into their own hands, being strong enough to stand for those rights, while at the same time still owning the right to be feminine in speech, dress, and manner.

- Women don’t want men who are strong leaders. Also not true. Women want men who are good husbands, fathers, and friends. Part of being a man is stepping up and using those uniquely masculine traits to make the world a better place. Glenn Sacks can come up with all the examples he wants of crazy, spiteful women whom no one would trust. Meanwhile, there are millions of women who quietly wish their man would step up to the plate, or who proudly support the man they married - who is a strong leader in the family and the community.

- Women now get better treatment than men in the media. I wish this fallacy would go away as well. While it is definitely true that man bashing is now in vogue with the media, that doesn’t mean that the degradation of women has lessened to a noticeable degree. We still see women as sex objects in advertising, the sexualization of little girls, and depiction of women as vapid, weak willed airheads. Too bad stereotypes are such easy advertising tools.

There are men out there who step up to the plate, don’t get me wrong. If you’re a Daddy blogger reading this, you’re most likely one of them. The Daddy Bloggers of the world have to understand that we live in a skewed world view, however, and that there are still plenty of men out there who sincerely believe that:

- Chauvinism is okay.
- Men don’t have to be leaders & providers.
- Pornography, voyeurism, and casual sex are okay.
- Physical, Emotional and Sexual Abuse are okay.

So how about it? What are you doing each day to help the world be a little bit better place? Do you stand up for what it means to be a real man? Do you stand up for chivalry?

It recently came to my attention that a post that I wrote some time ago about how men are killing chivalry gained a little bit of attention.  Seems that the debate around chivalry is still alive and well.

it’s well known at this point that men are in a state of uncertainty when it comes to knowing what their role is in modern society.  With all of the success of modern feminism, women have made great strides in the areas of work and home equality.  Those achievements, however grand and beneficial, have created a great big question mark in the minds of modern men.  If women can do everything a man can do, then what should men be doing?

The discussion has not yet played itself out.  While the perception of men in the media is certainly changing, it has taken on a negative spin that many individuals and organizations have begun to protest.  Every day men are questioning everything from what kind of work they should be doing, to should they be stay at home dads, to how they should dress, to should they open the door for ladies at the mall?

The discussion isn’t going away.  I propose bringing it out in the open.  I propose the first Chivalry Blog Carnival.

The Chivalry Blog Carnival will last just 8 weeks, beginning October 21st and running through Dec 16th.  The deadline to submit articles for consideration is the Saturday before the carnival you wish to submit for.

What kind of articles should be submitted for the Chivalry Blog Carnival?

Some ideas include, but are not limited to:  the history of chivalry, history of knighthoods, how chivalry is played out in modern times, in-depth analysis of current knightly orders, a run down of the Society for Creative Anachronism, is chivalry dead, how men can incorporate the ideals of knighthood into their daily lives.

Who should submit to the Chivalry Blog Carnival?

Anyone who has a website and writes anything about chivalry.  We’re looking for a diverse view, from experts on medieval history, to modern day ladies in waiting.  We want to hear from you: is chivalry really dead?

I’ll have a badge for the carnival up soon.  Let me know if you have any additional questions.

How do I submit for the Chivalry Blog Carnival?

You can email posts to coryhuff at gmail.com.  NOTE: You must make the subject line Chivalry Blog Carnival or I probably won’t see it.  You can also use this handy submission form.

This is part two of my series about modern day applications the Chivalric Code, I Wish I Were a Knight.

Knights were warriors. They trained in swordplay, horse riding, and dancing.

That’s right, dancing. Knights of old were required to know how to dance. The toughest most respected warriors knew every step to every dance and they knew how to make the ladies swoon.

From a young age noble boys were partnered with knights who taught them and trained them in what they were supposed to be doing. These young men, squires, learned everything they were supposed to learn from their older, more experienced brethren.

Years of swinging swords and wearing armor built up strong, tough muscles. Men of battle built up their stamina by carrying around the equivalent of 25 - 50 lbs of steel, running and jumping with it. Anyone seen A Knight’s Tale?

Growing up, I wanted to be a knight so that I could get all of the ladies to swoon over me. Now that I’m a little older, I aspire to the ideals of knighthood so that one particular lady will swoon for me.

Even though there’s no need for regular sword training (although a little stage combat training is fun), there’s still a need for men to be combat ready. While we’re not facing murderous savages bent on impaling us with spears, we are facing a corporate culture that is bent on profit at all costs. In order to keep up we have to make sure that we’re in top shape. Only those who are can keep up, provide for, and protect their families.

…and, you can’t dance your maiden around the floor if you don’t have the energy to stay light on your feet.

Tracy Hickman wrote an essay that I found seminal to understanding why I like books and movies like Lord of the Rings, Beowulf, and Star Wars.

The essay talks about the form of the mythic story in Western culture. From the story Beowulf to modern times, fantasy/sci fi stories contain common elements. A Hero figure leaves his home to go on a journey of unknown time or length. He goes in order to right some sort of wrong (in Beowulf’s case he’s avenging the monster’s attack on his homeland). While he is away he has experiences that force him to learn and grow as a person. After going on the journey (not always successfully completing the original task) the hero returns home, changed forever.

How does all of this relate to being a husband?

In two ways:
Men love this Fantasy of Manhood, and Husbands are often held to it.

Men love to be heroes. They like to right wrongs, fight evil, and be seen as strong. Think about “guy movies,” and all of the comic book and cartoon heroes from your childhood (some of my favorites). Little boys play as Superman, Batman, and other imaginary beings who can help save the world. They want to grow up to be just like these heroes.

As adults men we know that we don’t have superpowers, but we like to be seen as heroes to our ladies. When a woman lets us help her by fixing a problem for her, we love it. It somehow affirms out manhood. I know that whenever my wife comes to me with a problem I’m always eager to figure out how to fix whatever is wrong.

The difficulty with the Fantasy of Manhood is that it holds them to an ideal that often cannot be reached. Much has been made of how adult entertainment debases women and turns them into sex objects. The Fantasy of Manhood does the same thing to men, perhaps in an even more subtle way.

Women are turned on by relationships, by men who know how to communicate with them and are willing to go to great lengths to make them happy. It can take a long time to develop some of those skills. Also, many women like men who are able to take care of them and protect them. Those attributes are also skills that must be developed over time. The more experience a man has the better he is at communication, and the better he is at providing (his income goes up).

The Fantasy of Manhood is a useful concept in understanding relationships. It can help women better understand what motivates men, and help men understand that it’s okay to want to be a strong, heroic figure. Balance, however, must be achieved. We cannot be held to unrealistic ideals.

In future posts I am going to examine some of the mythic figures of manhood in popular culture and history. I’ll talk about what makes men like them so much, and how their stories can be related to the Fantasy of Manhood.

I’ve always wanted to be a knight.

Anciently, men who were lucky enough to be born into noble families had the responsibility to protect the “commoners” around them.

Now, the feudal system had plenty of problems of their own, but the ideals of ancient knighthood are something that I admire.

The knights who lived up to these ideals embodied strength, virtue, and nobility.

“The chivalrous knight was idealized as brave in battle, loyal to his king and God, and willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. Towards his fellow Christians and countrymen, the knight was to be merciful, humble, and courteous. Towards noble ladies above all, the knight was to be gracious and gentle.” - Wikipedia.org

It’s too bad that the ancient orders of knighthood fell into disuse. Contemporary society supports a precious few organizations that support the higher ideals of manhood.

Where are the organizations that set the tone for how a man is supposed to behave? Who sets the tone for your conversation and manner?