A Good Husband
Marriage Advice From A Man
Will Your Valentine’s Day be Special?
Author: Cory H.12 Feb
Here it comes. V-Day. Chocolates. Roses. Schmaltzy quotes and Hallmark cards. Valentine’s Day. My wife and I have always had fun on Valentine’s Day. Up until this year, we’ve been financially poor, but relationship rich. I never had to buy her love with a diamond ring, because we show each other love on a daily basis, but we’ve always celebrated the holiday by doing something special together, just the two of us.
The other day I asked readers, “What is romance?” First time commenter Steven Fisher made a great point about romance. It’s not the big events. It’s buying her flowers for no special reason. For us, it’s been things like building shelves for her, slow dancing in our apartment, cooking together, or making out while watching Star Trek.
You see, romance, and marriage, is not a single act, but the accumulation of little events and acts of love over the months, years, and decades of a relationship. I remember as a child admiring men who could honestly say that they were more in love after 25 years of marriage than they were on their wedding day. I didn’t grow up with that, but I longed for it, and now I can say that I’m well on my way there.
It was a bit of a rocky start, but Lissie and I learned how to communicate with each other. Every interaction we have now is tinged with a bit of love and romance. Every time we are together it brightens my mood and makes life a little bit lighter. Even if we’re just in our apartment together, doing our own seperate thing, it makes life a little bit happier.
Lately I’ve been super busy rehearsing for the upcoming performance of my next play. I’ve been away from my wife most evenings for the past two weeks. I can honestly say that no matter what we do for Valentine’s Day (and I have plans…oh, I do) it will be special simply because I’m with her. Can you say that about your marriage? I hope so.
Gentlemen, take a moment to reflect on this latter question. Can you say that your Valentine’s Day will be special simply because you will be with your wife? If not, what can you do to make the day special for her and for you?
5 Responses for "Will Your Valentine’s Day be Special?"
Quite honestly, my husband and I have never been big Valentine’s Day celebrators. And we even met on Valentine’s Day! It just feels so commercialized, and anywhere you go is packed with people. I would never DREAM of going out to dinner on Valentine’s day. Waiting for a table for 2 or 3 hours in a crowded stuffy foyer does not say ‘romance’ to me. I tell Mike what I would like beforehand (and no, that does not diminish the value of the gift, ladies). Usually some form of the traditional chocolate and flowers. But we don’t go anywhere and it’s pretty much a normal day. Maybe we’ll watch a movie at home or something. And I’m ok with that. Now, if one’s wife is not ok with that, than certainly plans should be made. But in our case, when we think of Valentine’s day, we both just give a “Meh” and let it go by. We have romance enough the rest of the year. Plus, with a kid, I can’t forsee a way we’d ever be able to get a babysitter on that day anyway.
Making out while watching Star Trek? OMG. NERD.
It’s okay, I’m one too.
I’m a little worried about this weekend, actually. I never know what to do on Valentine’s day. The traditional “go out somewhere nice, eat” thing doesn’t work for me. As a thinking person, the idea of going out on the busiest day of the year just doesn’t appeal. Restaurants have enough trouble on regular days, why would I go on their biggest day? Likewise, picking through the skeletal remains of the flower display doesn’t interest me much.
So instead, I plan on cooking her something and unplugging all the distractions in the house. If the weather’s nice — and hey, it’s February, so it won’t be — maybe we’ll go on a picnic.
But I don’t know that she’ll realize I’m trying. That’s what the restaurant trip and the flowers are really all about.
Steven Fishers last blog post..NERD
@Steven Fisher: Put the dinner on the china instead of paper plates and she’ll notice. Will she have to do the dishes afterward? If not, she’ll notice that too!
We aren’t going out. We are going to grill instead. I’d much rather enjoy the time alone together than spend it with a ton of people in a crowded restaurant.
[...] a theme, romance has nothing to do with gifts or expensive dinners or showy displays of affection. Romance has everything to do with experiences together. Those experiences don’t have to be expensive but there’s nothing wrong with it if they are (but [...]
She wanted to go out, but she wanted to take the boy with us. So we ended up going into Vancouver. We rode the SkyTrain, saw Science World, rode the elevator up the Harbor Centre observation deck, took photos, came home and I gave her a massage. We were both worn out, so we just went to sleep after that.
Romantic? Definitely not. But she really enjoyed it, and isn’t that more important?
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