Marriage Advice From A Man
31 Dec
The one year anniversary of A Good Husband came and went without much fanfare (first post here). This has been a modest project by any measurement, but I am glad that it has been met with well wishes by so many of you. For the next few days, until after the New Year, I want to share with you some of the best posts from the last year.
Chivalry is Dead Because Men Are Killing It is a classic example of a blogger rant. These kinds of rants are irritating when done all the time, but occasionally the passion bleeds out and people respond to it. Chivalry is a bit of controversial topic. Is it a good thing? Is it an out of date byproduct of a frightening era? You decide.
Image courtesy of think2ink.wordpress.com
Men may not comment much on Daddy Blogs. They also may not comment much on websites about how to be a good husband. Men also, apparently, don’t think much of chivalry. You know where they do comment though? They comment on websites about how women are entitlement princesses, gold diggers, and whores.
Over the past couple of weeks, I have come across a couple of blogs that I originally thought were about male empowerment and becoming a better man. As I read posts however, and read comments and participated in the discussions, I discovered that these sites were more about enabling men who don’t want to step up to the plate and make the world what it could be.
These men have several flawed arguments for not stepping up.
- Feminism teaches women to disrespect men. While certain elements of feminism are anti-male, that’s not what feminism is about. Modern feminism is about women taking their rights into their own hands, being strong enough to stand for those rights, while at the same time still owning the right to be feminine in speech, dress, and manner.
- Women don’t want men who are strong leaders. Also not true. Women want men who are good husbands, fathers, and friends. Part of being a man is stepping up and using those uniquely masculine traits to make the world a better place. Glenn Sacks can come up with all the examples he wants of crazy, spiteful women whom no one would trust. Meanwhile, there are millions of women who quietly wish their man would step up to the plate, or who proudly support the man they married - who is a strong leader in the family and the community.
- Women now get better treatment than men in the media. I wish this fallacy would go away as well. While it is definitely true that man bashing is now in vogue with the media, that doesn’t mean that the degradation of women has lessened to a noticeable degree. We still see women as sex objects in advertising, the sexualization of little girls, and depiction of women as vapid, weak willed airheads. Too bad stereotypes are such easy advertising tools.
There are men out there who step up to the plate, don’t get me wrong. If you’re a Daddy blogger reading this, you’re most likely one of them. The Daddy Bloggers of the world have to understand that we live in a skewed world view, however, and that there are still plenty of men out there who sincerely believe that:
- Chauvinism is okay.
- Men don’t have to be leaders & providers.
- Pornography, voyeurism, and casual sex are okay.
- Physical, Emotional and Sexual Abuse are okay.
So how about it? What are you doing each day to help the world be a little bit better place? Do you stand up for what it means to be a real man? Do you stand up for chivalry?
12 Responses for "Retrospective: Chivalry is Dead Because Men Are Killing It"
It is imperative that men step up, set the standard and lead our families and communities with strength, gentleness and compassion. Whining about the issues, as some do, doesn’t accomplish a thing.
I applaud your willingness to address this head-on. Men need to stand up and be good husbands, fathers and role models.
Jeff@MySuperChargedLifes last blog post..Striving For Excellence: Quotes That Will Guide And Inspire
I don’t put my head above the parapet very often but I have decided i need to in 2009, we are close enough to then - so here goes:
I open doors for people; I open the car door whenever I transport a member of the opposite sex, maybe it’s the area I live in but those I do this for - young and old see it in a positive light - I have asked.
When wearing a hat I have been known to doff it. I also carry stuff for people.
I make no judgements about it, if someone ever refused to go through a door I have opened, then that is their choice but I will continue to open the door.
Philip Ferriss last blog post..Blogging from the Touch HD & Stowaway BT Keyboard
@Philip Ferris: Good for you! Keep it up, I’ll gladly walk through the door so open away!
I love a chivalrous man. A leader, a polite, gentle but strong guy who is not afraid to share his heart. When a guy is free to be the man he was meant to be, it creates a safe and welcomed place for a woman to be her authentic self. IMHO.
Your a dumb ass. Chivalry is dead because it before it was necessary. Women didn’t have all the same rights as men, and as such we needed chivalry to equalize the playing ground. A woman walked to the table all the men stood up to acknowledge her. While you may be a decent husband your a sell out for a man. Welcome to the 21st century and happy new year.
Stebin - you have bad grammar. We all have our faults. Let’s play nice. Another comment like that and I’ll ban you.
Just out of curiosity, in what ways have I sold out as a man?
@Stebin: Chivalry is not dead. Treating women with honoring behavior is not out of date. Using chivalry instead of giving them rights, as you stated was it’s intent, doesn’t make sense. Perhaps it started because man wanted to woo his women when she could easily turn him away. Good behavior is never out of date.
OK . . . What’s her name, and I hope she’s worth it! No, seriously, while you’re right about what modern feminism ought to be about, I think we all know that feminism is largely anti-male. Of course that has nothing to do with what we as men ought to be doing. Sure, we should step up to the plate more often. Heck, wooing, impressing, helping, protecting, is what men do. It’s in our DNA. We just have to make sure we’re playing ball with real women, and not a bunch of Rosies and Ellens. We just can’t win against those guys, no matter what we do.
I agree Shawn, it is in the male DNA. I say, “Men do your Y chromosome thing and if the lady isn’t secure enough in her double X then find one that is!” Women should not only encourage their men to be chivalrous men but feel the most feminine in the midst of them doing it. At least I do.
Hi folks. Fascinating comments about chivalry. I work for a radio prgoramme called World Have Your Say (www.worldhaveyoursay.com) and we are doing a discussion today on whether women need protecting - check our blog out for more info. If you’d like to participate please email me asap with a contact number - claudia.bradshaw@bbc.co.uk
whether chivalry is ok or not, is not a linear thing. You can’t generalize. Some women are ok with it and others not. Many women are confused as to how to react to chivalrous behavior of the man - should they accept it or reject it. The femminist doctrine tells women that chivalrous behavior of man is demeaning to women. Whether it really is or not is debatable. Not all women think alike.
[...] chivalry is dead because men are killing it A Good Husband Posted by root 57 minutes ago (http://agoodhusband.net) Image courtesy of think2ink wordpress com men may not comment much on daddy blogs there are men out there who step up to the plate don 39 t get me wrong men need to stand up and be good husbands fathers and role models copyright 2007 a good husband is pro Discuss | Bury | News | chivalry is dead because men are killing it A Good Husband [...]
one may ask what’s the purpose of men displaying chivalrous etiquette towards women. Don’t we live in unisex environment of we are all the same irrespective of the gender? In Europe where the culture is more evolved than here in United States, you will not see this old styled chivalry. It’s time for us in US to catch up. I think culture here in US is backwards in some areas of social life.
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