Last week my laptop got a virus…and some spyware…and a worm…and probably anything else that a computer can catch.  Then my wife caught the flu.  Then I caught the flu.  I blame it all on SurftheChannel.com - if they hadn’t enticed my wife and I with episodes of Star Trek TNG, then we wouldn’t be in this mess.

When you and your spouse are sick, here are recommendations for what to expect (and perhaps what not to do):

• Your meal plans are shot. That carefully crafted menu that your wife spent time planning, shopping, and preparing for? Forget it. Soup, soup, and more soup.  When you can’t take anymore soup - Taco Bell.  Why Taco Bell?  Because it’s three blocks from your apartment and cheap.
• You will understand that piles of tissue in the oddest places are part of the new decor that your wife has instituted - and you won’t care (as if you did before, guys).
• Your wife will be interested in strange hobbies that she never showed any interest in before.  That board game that she hated when she wasn’t sick?  She’ll play it with you for hours before bed time simply because it will take her mind off of the illness that she is suffering.
• Of course, if we don’t own a TV, and you can only read for so long when you’re sick, so at some point, roughly your fourth day of illness, you will become certifiably insane from the lack of any sort of outside stimulus.  No television, internet, music, or human interaction for four days makes the modern couple a little strange.
• Don’t make plans for the weekend.  Those 24 hour virus(es?) don’t really last for 24 hours - they last until they have made life as inconvenient as possible.  Then they go away when you’ve finally given in and cancelled all your plans, leaving you with nothing to do.
• Things will go wrong at work.  Someone will file a sexual harassment lawsuit against you or your immediate supervisor, and you will be called into the big boss’ office to give a full report.  Be sure to wear a suit and bring an extra box of Kleenex.

The laptop finally got fixed today.  After hearing from all of those Mac peeps out there, I broke down and bought a new Macbook White yesterday.  My cold still hasn’t completely gone away, but it’s getting there.  I’m hoping that with the advent of my laptop getting better (and who knew it took a full week to get a laptop fixed!!) that means that my sinus passages will finally stop producing enough runny substances to fill in as Slimer’s trail in the new Ghostbuster’s VI: Attack of the 50′ Slimer.

I now fully expect:

• Several comments to the effect of “huh?”
• Mutliple comments letting me know about all of the cool things I can do with my Mac.  You people are evangelists in the true sense of the word, and I expect the Light of the Gospel of Jobs to be fully shined on my soul.

Let the comments commence…and honey, please bring me the Kleenex.