What is A Good Husband? Men Answer

I have to say something, and its not meant in a negative way, more to help the "good father". I found this site and I began reading because I had typed in What is a husband.. I started to read and the comments made by the husbands (they sound like great guys) but if you notice at the top of the page, it says what makes a good HUSBAND. Not that being a good father doesnt count because it does. BUT, if you want to have a good, healthy relationship, dont forget to hug her, hold her hand, tell her shes beautiful. Dont forget, shes part of you, not just a decoration to come home to. Because when she strays, and it will happen, it will not just be her fault. I told my husband once, you dont have to be a cheater to cheat, and its true. Women, as well as men, can only wait so long for love. Anyone can say "I love you" but it will never take the place of a hug, a kiss, a tender gesture. mark my words, its an easy fix. This goes to men and women alike, theres nothing worse than feeling unappreciated.

Go to Ukraine. American men are considered top notch husbands there. Much easier to be called good enough by women. So they have almost a different definition of good husband over there.

i so desire to he the best husband and father that i can be. This is because i had the absolute worst father in the entire world... there was no end to his abuse and i fear that what he did to me might affect how i treat my family, that is if i ever get one.

I've shared this page with my husband because after 11 years, he still doesn't understand what I need. To me being a good husband has nothing to do with house chores and taking care of your children. The things you do around your home to maintain your home - well that's being a good homeowner/roommate. The things you do to help care for your children - that makes you a good father. These have nothing to do with being a good husband - that's how good your relationship is with your wife. My husband does everything I tell him to, that's great. He takes care of our daughter when he's off from working and I'm working - that's great because it took the both of us to make a home and make a child, and it should take both of us to care for it. As for being a good husband, I believe it's all and a lot more of what is said in all those posts. The issue I have with my "husband" is how over 11 years, all the damage he has caused, causing my insecurity, my distrust, my frustration - you made a mess, you clean it up. Except I get this reply "well I don't know what to say or do so it's just something you're gonna have to work out yourself" - THANKS! Or the ultimate "it's all in the past - get over it" - well it must be EASY for you to cheat on me and when I finally find out 2 years later, it's just ridiculous for me to be upset by it because it happened 2 years ago and it's my fault I never found out - THANKS! Or when he says "I don't know what I do wrong, I do everything you ask me to and it's not like I cheat on you" - well GEEZ THANKS because I thought being faithful was a pre-requisite for marriage, I didn't realize it was something I still need to watch out for. And when I try to bring up all these concerns and issues - THANKS for rolling over and completely ignoring me OR giving me a million and one excuses such as "I don't know what to say or do", "you caught me at a bad time", "I'm tired, you can't expect me to talk to you when I'm laying down to go to sleep", or "I don't know what to say when you put me on the spot" - YET he never will say anything about it again therefore leaving me to BURY all these emotions, concerns/issues until I just can't take it anymore - and another blow up happens. I'm just at the point that hey, if you don't give a care, and if being a husband is not a 24/7 job for you, and talking to me takes so much energy and is an inconvenience for you and you STILL don't know ME after 11 years...what more can I do? I'm fed up with the lies, the excuses, the "I don't know"s ... well ya know what, I don't know why I'M still in this relationship, or what there IS of this relationship. There's no connection, no romance, no passion, no love, no conversations, no shared interests, no genuine care... there's a mortgage, bills, a 2 year old, a newborn on the way, 2 dogs, and a lot of heartache.

What i don't understood is actually how you're not really much more well-liked than you might be now. You're so intelligent. You realize therefore significantly relating to this subject, made me personally consider it from so many varied angles. Its like women and men aren't fascinated unless it’s one thing to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs nice. Always maintain it up!

No, not my real name and reading these blogs I can only say that I am very happy for those women blessed to have men that have put them first.

I am married to a stone. Oh he is a very nice stone. He is cordial however if he leaned too far forward I bet he would just snap in half. He is a computer engineer, and yes I saw this before we married and back then it was endearing.

I am relegated to a sexless, lifeless, emotional existence with someone who works all day, all night, all weekend. When he is unemployed, he is too depressed to give me what I need as a woman. Now he is working; he must work these hours to be the provider. of money.

To fill the gap, we agreed to adopt 5 animals. It started w/two very large dogs. They are great fun and did bring hubby out of the box and helped him grow somewhat. Then came the three abandoned kittens and they round things out nicely.

I did not realize that someone.....SOMEONE.....would need to care for these guys. Hmmmmm now WHO could that be just WHO? Hubby sees no dirt. Sees no filth. Sees no piles of dirty clothes. Sees no food standing where he left it. Sees no piles of trash in his area. Sometimes I would love to live in that world.

I see it all. And clean it all. Alone.

So, I have been practicing law for 11 years and started my own company/firm 7 years ago. For the past six years I had one gal as an assistant. I had to fire her in order to save the firm. We were suffering economically. I also moved the firm to a new location. All of this activity within the same week. It has not even been a month and I am doing EVERYTHING in the office. All clerical all legal. and the trauma of letting the gal go was bad too like a divorce.

Hmmm lets see now. Thats me doing EVERYTHING at home and EVERYTHING at work.

Hubby's current job ends in a week. He was unemployed for a year before getting this current hitch.

All of this is leading up to something that I want to share with my friends in the same boat. Oh and by the way, one more thing, no intimacy at all of any sort in our year and a half marriage. Sex only 6 times tops.

I am 47, slim and frankly I know that I am gorgeous. I look like I am in my late 20's however that is now accomplished with the hair dye. I am constantly approached by men. That makes it tough. I don't even REMEMBER now what it feels like to be "in love" or cared about by anyone like that. Adored. Valued. Wanted.

His perspective: "I bring home the money, feed the dogs, get chlorine for the pool. What more do you want? I am fixing the manly things". Like cars.

I am financially in the hole due to the economy. So I am facing emotional trauma on that front in addition to doing everything else. Plus I have RA which (yes, another shocker) has flared up to the point that I am having difficulty functioning.

So.

Hubby calls his mom who is a LOVELY lady I just treasure and love her. Hubby thought he heard her sound old and frail on the phone. She is 86.

So, Hubby tells his brother that he would LOVE to jet away with brother and their elderly mom to visit elderly relatives on a road trip for three days on a long weekend.

Then, he approaches me. But then, who am I anyway? When I say "family first" he does not think of me. He thinks of me, his brothers, sisters, and mother. After all, I am just a wife. We have no kids.

Fortunately I emailed him my thoughts which began with: what in the heck planet are you living on?

Don't get me wrong I love the mom. And she is ailing and she is 86. But I am ailing too. And he just CANNOT understand why I would have a problem with his dumping everything on me and him going to have a fun jaunt to visit family for three days. Out of state.

I told him that I need him emotionally right now; way too many stresses and that when he lands a perm. job things will be different at least we could plan a family vacation.

his response: "why can't I go just for three days? I want to be w/mom, I am concerned about her, I just want to go , I I i i i."

Unfortunately for him, we had the dreaded face to face on that topic this morning and I ended up screaming amid the profanities that he was putting his mother before this marriage and that I just did not believe him anymore when he says:

"I want to work on our marriage" "I am trying to have romantic times with you" "I want to have a date night".

This has been his mantra but he has cancelled every date. Or, he has acted out in such a way that has ruined those dates that we had planned.

Frankly I don't believe it anymore. I got the Love Dare bood. I got the "ideas for dates with your mate" book. I dress in the sexy get-ups heels and all, I make the dinners, but he is either too tired or too busy.

6 times in a year and a half girls.

I married a wonderful friend. He is a stone. And I think this girl is finally giving up on the idea that there is a guy out there who would truly put a wife first in a marriage.

Those guys are taken. And I am so happy for those who are blessed to have them. Please, lucky ladies, do the rest of us a favor and train up your children (boys) well by showing and educating them on how to respect women, how to care for them, how to be there for them and please PLEASE, men, train your boys on how to put family first and treasure and value that family, even if that family is only a wife.

Thanks.

Well Mary, I'm sorry we both are going through this. I thought my husband was actually going to be a husband since I last wrote in March. He didn't pursue the loan and actually had a garage sale to put money towards buying a new boat. I should know better! Within the last few weeks he inquired about another loan, got approved and is leaving this weekend to go buy a new boat. And get this, he still has his old boat and motorcycle that is not sold! His reasoning is this is the boat he's been looking for, it has all the things on it he wants, it's the deal of a lifetime, I have to jump on it now or pay double later, blah, blah, blah! I should just record him and play this same dialog every time he wants something because it's the same thing over and over. When I told him this isn’t right and I don’t approve of what he is doing guess what I get? He says he doesn’t care! Nice huh? I wrote to a psychologist online about some of the things my husband has done to me over the years and here is the reply I got: "I am so torn because of my faith that says divorce is bad". Well Janice, unfortunately, living with a man who is a control freak and selfish as one can be is a lot worse. If what you tell me is true, then I am wondering how strong faith can be that a person need to go through this manner of insult and injury for so many years. It is rather clear that your husband takes you for granted. Perhaps he buys you things to keep the peace, but I'm sure that’s just what it is. To keep the peace somewhat. You are correct in that this is not a marriage. I do not know how religious you are, as I am not myself, but your faith must state that divorce is bad if you are in a marriage. For all intents and purposes, you are NOT in a marriage. You are a slave to a man who would like to make you think he loves you, but essentially loves only himself. So, as the facts speak for themselves, I would think that this is not considered a real divorce, as you are not really in a marriage to begin with. Perhaps that will help with the faith card. This situation that you are in has been seen so many times before that I am sometimes ashamed to be a man when I see it happen to yet another woman. Well, there are two things you can do. You can stand up to him once and for all, or you can call it quits. The best way to do it is to first stand up to him, and he will then perhaps for a short time either make some basic changes and eventually revert to what he really is, as it is difficult to make such a man change for any length of time. Actually, a woman should not wish to change a man. She should first know a man before she marries him. Perhaps this was the mistake in the first place, unless of course he changed along the way.....but that is rare. Once you have expressed to him your desires and needs, he will wave them off and call you a complainer, because after all, he buys you all kinds of things, yes? At that point, you will need to make the decision either to leave or to accept a continued unhappy lifestyle. I hope you will choose to be happy. There is little else you can do in this case, because you will NOT change the man. He is what he is, and if you feel you deserve better, then it has to come from you, because to won't come from him. You are just a convenience for him, it would seem. I do believe you deserve better, for you only live once, and already 25 years of that has been a bit rough, I would say. Don't allow the rest of your life to be controlled by a man who cannot appreciate you.” How’s that for a slap in the face? I know what this man wrote is true! Why do I love a man who does not love me? What is wrong with me to think that this one sided relationship is so worth hanging on to? Why is God punishing me cause that is what I feel like! I try to do what he wants and this is the reward I get????? Almost makes you want to go to the other side now doesn’t it?

I am a husband of going on 6yrs. I work a full time job. When I get home from work I help out in the house I help with the kids(2 daughters), and sometimes I cook. one of my daughters is still in diapers so i do ochanged dirty smelly ones too, no prob. she is my daughter. my wife works from home and she stays with our little one during the day and the 5yr old goes to school from 8-3pm. I want to know what am i doing wrong in my marriage. again I cook, clean, change diapers, bathe our daughters, feed the dog, clean the cage, do laundry, play with my kids. I think I have 50% of all responsibilities(maybe more) except the bills my wife pays the bills. I havent hung out with my freinds in years and she hangs out with her freinds atleast 3 times a week. I dont call to ask for anything while she is with her freinds. I have never told her she cant do anything. I try to be someone who can listen and give advice to her also. she has her problems with her freinds and when she needs an ear I give it to her so she can vent. I comprimise, and I try to give her something whenever the occasion calls for it.(mother's day, b-day, christmas, valentines) what else do I have to do in order to have a marriage that can grow old? I mean I think I have all that it takes to be a good if not a great husband. can someone tell me if im not a good husband or if im missing something. compared to alot of men that i know who are husband and fathers that hang out get drunk and come home, or watch sport center all day and dont help with nothing in the house, I think im an exceptional husband. what do you think?

i'm right there too. I feel like he's my brother instead of my husband, that he is just something i have to put up with. It is all about him. I just had our second child 6 weeks ago and he has changed her diaper once, because i "made him", and he yelled about it the whole time. I dont feel like he loves me. I wish he could be my rock, instead of a burden. He just makes jokes all the time, and only does things that interests him. WHen i was pregnant he went to a strip club with his friends and came home drunk, and he's suppose to be a christian, he told me he was going to be a minister when we got married. I think he wishes he could be a kid again, but its not fair, because it leaves me with all the responsibility. He tells me that his job is to provide, which is to make money, and that is all he owes his family. I'm so heart broken reading what some men consider what it is to be a man, I just wish my husband would want to be like that.

Stephanie, I'm right there with you! I have a marriage but no relationship! There is communication but most of it is bad! I have no support what-so-ever from my husband. I have to rely on my family and friends for that. Right now we are going through yet another episode of him wanting something. And he will go to the ends of the earth to get it. He is looking at buying yet another boat because he is not satisfied with the one he has. Of course at the time when he bought the one he has now it was his dream boat, the one he wanted, the best deal of a lifetime. I hear this same spiel every time he wants something. The justifications just never stop. So I found out he was looking into buying a boat when I get a call from the bank that he is looking to get a loan. We had a deal that he would sell his current boat and motorcycle and pay cash for another boat. I was agreeable with that. When I confronted him tonight about the loan his answer was I told him I wouldn't sign for a loan, if you wanted to get a loan get it yourself. I don't remember saying that and highly doubt that I did. I did tell him I wouldn't sign for a loan but I never said to get one himself. It was after I said I wouldn't sign for one is when he said he would sell the other stuff and that was OK. I told him that I felt hurt and betrayed by what he did. Here's the reply I got. "You hold me back from being happy! I bust my rear-end (not the word he used) working I should be able to enjoy myself. This boat is a good deal so I can buy it now or wait and pay double later on." I don't understand because in a year or two the new boat won't be good enough. It's like a broken record every time this man wants something. Why can't he just be happy that he has a wife and family? I can't tell you all the weekends when my children were younger that he left us to go golfing or fishing. I will married 25 years the end of this month and I can honestly say for the most of it I have been alone! I try to hold on to the fact that God doesn't want me to divorce and that it could be a lot worse but is it God's intend for me to be so unhappy myself? I'm not looking for material things to fill my void, I'm looking for a husband, my sole mate, my companion, someone to grow old with. I'm just growing old! It's so depressing.

are you making her feel special she is special right dont take her for granted and she is more than a mother to the children and a friend she makes the family posable never forget it. im not prefect and i know how importent this is but how its done is my question?

no one evin think love and shearing happyness is important what are you doing to make your wife happy

Ok this is comming from a wife.. No less a military wife. What can you do when your marriage is in shambles because of your husband? I mean i could use some direction....

Well to put it more bluntly, it seems like i'm the only one working toward anything in my marriage. My husband is not "my rock" and no I don't "get invited on an adventure"... It's almost like there's my part of the role and he's just not involved. Personally I'm ready to run.

I've been marriad alittle over two years now.. And the struggle has been the same.. And i still feel like i'm on my own and a stranger to my own spouse..

No there's no communication.. there's really nothing. Yes I am reaching for help. Yes I would like a response back to this comment from anyone who has any idea's or wants more information...

My email address is Guarded@live.com

I couldn't agree more about lack of good role models today. We have lots of role models but most of them are really wrong and detrimental to family, fatherhood and manhood in general.

The things I think about when I imagine the word "Man" are leadership, strength, integrity, guts and sacrifice.

Excellent post. Good reading the opinions of these men.

toms last blog post..The Scent of a Daddy

What does is it mean to be a good husband?
It states in the Bible for husbands to be a leader. Ephesians5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. It also states in Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Husbands need to have fear of the Lord. Proverbs 16:6 By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil.

What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?
The problem is, the lack of men performing their roles as Husbands and Fathers. We need to spend less time watching TV, playing video games, and doing sports and start learning what the roles are for Men and Women. It's our manual to life. Women need to learn to be helpmates and not take over.

If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?
Lean what God had stated in the Bible as your role to being a Husband, and Father. Set down with your wife to be and go over those roles, and make sure she is on board with what her roles are as stated in the Bible also. Doing this will save a lot of heard ache down the road. Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. Grow with that knowledge and wisdom and seek after the Lord for everything in life.

Jasons last blog post..Verses for Men

@Corey- You are so right. Wives want to be invited into the adventure by their strong man. I don't really mean strong in muscles but strong in who they are, being a leader of the family, strong with what they want. I think when this doesn't happen, women mourn what they don't have and perhaps look for it in other places or with other people. Men don't realize that by risking to be real, they are inviting thier wives to join them in something so much more than just being married.

Re: Brett Nordquist's response to the biggest challenges to masculinity today, there's a bit of a stigma associated with involved Dads.

Some of my buds look at me as if I were from another planet because, more often than not, I'll choose family time over hanging out with the guys. Thing is, I figure that my wife & I both made the choice to be parents, so why shouldn't I do my best to uphold my end of the bargain - why should she bear a greater share of the parenting work just because she's a woman?

But again, when I've voiced this opinion in front of some of my friends, I sometimes get accused (either openly or behind my back) of being "whipped." My own (older) brother even gave me crap about this recently!

I think it's kinda shameful that guys who have kids can routinely make time to piddle with Playstation games for an entire evening at a time with their buddies. Grow up, will ya?!

Rob O.s last blog post..What a Crock!

Great post Cory - I'm glad to be a part of this among some other great bloggers. There is some great advice in this post and men of all ages should definitely check this out.