What is A Good Husband? Men Answer
With the redesign of A Good Husband I got to thinking about what I was doing when I started. Originally I wanted to know what other guys were thinking about marriage and what it means to be a man. At the time I asked friends and family what they thought. What does it mean to be a good husband, a good man? What are the challenges that men face today?
One of the great things about blogging over the last 9 months has been meeting some of the great minds on what it means to be a man. If you don’t know anything about these guys who are giving their opinions below, then you need to take a visit over to their sites and get some great insights.
Corey Allen, The Simple Marriage Project
What does is it mean to be a good husband?
According to who? The wife or the husband? There may be drastically different answers from each. To me however, that’s the beautiful thing about the differences between men and women. If we all say things the same, how boring would that be? So what makes a good husband? A man who leads his family by example. His yes means yes and his no means no. A man willing to accept his wife’s influence in his own life. It seems many men are threatened by their wife. If I “give in” to her, I’m a wimp. Wrong, it’s not about giving in, it’s about being honest with her and her doing the same with you. The other component of a good husband is a man who treats his marriage as important. This may seem like a no-brainer, but many men seem to think being a goof father is enough. You were most likely a husband before you were a father, and the fact is, your kids will one day leave you and your wife. Love your wife, pursue her heart, fight for her, even if this means choosing her over your kids at times. It’s a great example of marriage for your children.
What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?
Men today lack good role models of masculinity. Their dads have checked out, or never were in the game. What’s modeled in society and Hollywood is often poor masculinity. But the biggest threat today is for men to become the “nice guy” rather than live from his heart. It’s often easier to keep quite rather than speak up. To give up rather than lead. Masculinity is more than hunting on the weekends, playing sports in your 30s or owning a truck. It’s about following your heart and inspiring your family to do the same.
If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?
Spend time learning how to listen to your wife. Laugh with her, love her, invite her into an adventure larger than herself. Now that you’ve “won her” by getting her to marry you, your pursuit is not over. Pursue her everyday!
Brett McKay from ArtofManliness.com:
What does is it mean to be a good husband?
Being a good husband means being a rock for your wife. Be the man that gives your wife confidence that things will be just fine, even when it looks like the world is falling in.
What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?
That we expect so little from men.
If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?
Find your best friend and marry her and don’t hold off to marry until you think things are “right.” If you’re with somebody, you love her, and you can imagine spending the rest of your life with her, take the plunge. No need to put it off.
Brett Nordquist, the Nordquist Blog:
What does is it mean to be a good husband?
It means being a good listener and being tuned in to the needs of my family. This was easier when we didn’t have children. But with 4 kids and many distractions, it’s more difficult to focus on listening because my first instinct is to fix the problem. But the better I’m able to listen to my spouse and my kids, the better husband I become.
What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?
I’m not sure this counts as an actual challenge but my daughter’s teacher was surprised I was the only father to go on all three field trips throughout the year. Is it still more acceptable to have mom’s take part in those activities or do we live in a society that makes it difficult for men to take off work to participate in their children’s education?
If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?
Decide early on what your priorities are and communicate that to your spouse. I decided early on that my top priority would be my family. This means I’ve had to sacrifice a few promotions that went to people willing to work 80 hour weeks. I’ve told my wife and my boss what my priorities are which has possibly hurt my career. But the benefits to my family have outweighed any issues at work. It’s good to get this out of the way earlier on before you’re in a career that’s controlling you and your time.
Tyler from BuildingCamelot.com:
What does is it mean to be a good husband?
Being a good husband today is challenging to men because it requires being both sensitive to the needs of your wife while being strong and protective of her at the same time. The balance between those two can often be thrown out of balance by many different factors and can cause serious harm to both the husband and the wife. A good husband must strive to find the right balance between strength and support so he can help move his marriage forward in the right direction.
What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?
I think one of the biggest challenges men face is trying to define what masculinity really is. There are too many men out there between the ages of 20 and 40 that struggle with defining what masculinity really is because they didn’t have a father in their life. If they did have a father he probably wasn’t much of one to learn from. Combine these men with women who grew up in similar households and men really begin to struggle with how to be masculine without turning out like their own father.
If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?
Just one piece of advice? After I wrote the five things that surprised me most about marriage and having my wife read it with mixed results, I’d have to say “be brutally honest with your wife”. Even if you’re scared of what she might say, it’s far better to be open and honest than trying to live your life with someone while trying to keep secrets. Honestly is not always easy but I’m beginning to realize that it’s easier than avoiding discussions and creating resentment in your marriage.
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Comments
Re: Brett Nordquist’s response to the biggest challenges to masculinity today, there’s a bit of a stigma associated with involved Dads.
Some of my buds look at me as if I were from another planet because, more often than not, I’ll choose family time over hanging out with the guys. Thing is, I figure that my wife & I both made the choice to be parents, so why shouldn’t I do my best to uphold my end of the bargain - why should she bear a greater share of the parenting work just because she’s a woman?
But again, when I’ve voiced this opinion in front of some of my friends, I sometimes get accused (either openly or behind my back) of being “whipped.” My own (older) brother even gave me crap about this recently!
I think it’s kinda shameful that guys who have kids can routinely make time to piddle with Playstation games for an entire evening at a time with their buddies. Grow up, will ya?!
Rob O.s last blog post..What a Crock!
@Corey- You are so right. Wives want to be invited into the adventure by their strong man. I don’t really mean strong in muscles but strong in who they are, being a leader of the family, strong with what they want. I think when this doesn’t happen, women mourn what they don’t have and perhaps look for it in other places or with other people. Men don’t realize that by risking to be real, they are inviting thier wives to join them in something so much more than just being married.
What does is it mean to be a good husband?
It states in the Bible for husbands to be a leader. Ephesians5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. It also states in Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Husbands need to have fear of the Lord. Proverbs 16:6 By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil.
What are the biggest challenges to masculinity today?
The problem is, the lack of men performing their roles as Husbands and Fathers. We need to spend less time watching TV, playing video games, and doing sports and start learning what the roles are for Men and Women. It’s our manual to life. Women need to learn to be helpmates and not take over.
If you could pick one piece of advice for men getting married, what would it be?
Lean what God had stated in the Bible as your role to being a Husband, and Father. Set down with your wife to be and go over those roles, and make sure she is on board with what her roles are as stated in the Bible also. Doing this will save a lot of heard ache down the road. Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. Grow with that knowledge and wisdom and seek after the Lord for everything in life.
Jasons last blog post..Verses for Men
I couldn’t agree more about lack of good role models today. We have lots of role models but most of them are really wrong and detrimental to family, fatherhood and manhood in general.
The things I think about when I imagine the word “Man” are leadership, strength, integrity, guts and sacrifice.
Excellent post. Good reading the opinions of these men.
toms last blog post..The Scent of a Daddy
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Ok this is comming from a wife.. No less a military wife. What can you do when your marriage is in shambles because of your husband? I mean i could use some direction….
Well to put it more bluntly, it seems like i’m the only one working toward anything in my marriage. My husband is not “my rock” and no I don’t “get invited on an adventure”… It’s almost like there’s my part of the role and he’s just not involved. Personally I’m ready to run.
I’ve been marriad alittle over two years now.. And the struggle has been the same.. And i still feel like i’m on my own and a stranger to my own spouse..
No there’s no communication.. there’s really nothing. Yes I am reaching for help. Yes I would like a response back to this comment from anyone who has any idea’s or wants more information…
My email address is Guarded@live.com
Great post Cory - I’m glad to be a part of this among some other great bloggers. There is some great advice in this post and men of all ages should definitely check this out.