This is the first post in a series on how to plan a romantic trip for your wife.  To start off with, I thought I’d share with all of you the results of a survey that Tiffany Fessler from Kayak.com shared with me (Thanks Tiffany!).  It’s a little bit long, but if you’re looking to plan a romantic trip with your wife, you may want to glance over the bold points to see if you need to make any adjustments to your initial plans.

Of course, as with any survey results, these are generalizations.  If you know for a fact that your wife and the mother of your children would love to go a land far, far away for a week long sex romp, then by all means, ignore this survey.

 Key Survey Findings 

Between the Sheets: Sex is secondary for parents taking a break from the kids. A stressed-out two-thirds (67 percent) of parents would most look forward to relaxing or spending quality time with their significant other, while only one-in- ten (10 percent) say they’d be most excited about bedroom activities. Of parents who have already taken trips without their children, almost half (49 percent) say they had sex a few times, more than twice the amount that barely left the bedroom (20 percent). And 14 percent were too exhausted to have sex at all.

A Land Far, Far Away: While almost half (47 percent) of parents would prefer traveling without kids to a relaxing place like a beach resort, one-in-four (25 percent) say they would most want to vacation in an exotic place they’ve never visited. Women are more likely to choose an exotic destination (30 percent) than their male counterparts (19 percent).

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: Men find it easier than women to leave the kids behind, with more than a third (34 percent) saying they wouldn’t experience any guilt at all, compared to only 16 percent of moms. They’re also less likely to call home when away from the offspring—almost four-in-ten women (35 percent) would check in more than twice a day, compared to 26 percent of men.

Adults Only, Please: When deciding on a destination, men are twice as concerned as women about whether the place has an adults-only policy (12 percent vs. six percent).

Get Over The Guilt.  Making time for yourselves helps you to be more effective parents and happier spouses. You come back rested and revitalized and that’s as good for the kids as for you. It’s also beneficial for the kids to see they can survive without you and that you have interests aside from them! Such brief separations can help foster kids’ first steps toward independence and help them build bonds with other adults in their lives, whether grandma or a favorite neighbor.

Start with long weekend getaway. Don’t plan a two week trek across Africa for your first trip away. It will be better for baby and parents to start with a three or four-night getaway and work your way up to a week or more away.

Be available via cell phone, email or pager but don’t call every minute! Check in once or twice a day. The sitter will reach you if necessary. Make sure the sitter has all of the appropriate phone numbers (and directions when necessary) for the doctor, dentist, poison control center, police, fire department, and neighbors who can help if needed.

Choose a place for your getaway that’s not teeming with kids—a luxury hotel in a nearby city; a tour of wine country; or a small, upscale B&B. Ask before you book if they expect many kids in house those days.

Don’t venture too far. In case you want or have to get back in a hurry, choose a destination within an easy drive or direct flight away from your child. If you do fly, book an early flight and choose a destination with lots of airlift so weather or mechanical issues won’t mean an extra night away.

Don’t panic. The hardest part about leaving your kids is worrying about it for weeks prior to your trip. Focus on the positive aspects of your vacation, rather than the separation. Think about sleeping in, reconnecting with your partner, reading a book, wearing clothes that aren’t machine washable, enjoying a glass of wine and adult conversation… It will be hard to say goodbye but you’ll feel much better once you’re on the plane taking a nap (when’s the last time you did that?)

Pack a photo. While time away from the kids means more kisses for your partner, you’ll still want to kiss your little one each night.

Bring back cool gifts. Your kids will have something to look forward to in addition to your return. Don’t forget the sitter.

The right sitter is the key to a successful getaway. You need someone who is responsible and savvy, and someone who has their respect whether they’re two or 12. This is not the time to try out a new sitter, leave the baby in unfamiliar surroundings or invite grandma to stay if she hasn’t seen your young child in months. Consider a favorite college-aged sitter or teacher at your child’s preschool or day care center. Older children might prefer to stay with a friend.

Create opportunities beforehand for your child to stay with the sitter for an afternoon or evening so they won’t be upset when you leave.

Invite the sitter to stay at your house, especially if your child is young, so he’ll be surrounded by familiar objects—crib sheets, night light, toys. If the baby must stay elsewhere, take their favorite things along. Even a crib sheet can make a baby feel more secure.

Keep to the kids’ routine as much as possible with regular nap, meal and bedtimes. That’s especially comforting to young children.

Record a DVD with your face and voice telling a favorite story or singing a favorite song.

A calendar can help your toddler mark off the days till your return. Have the caregiver “help” her put a sticker on each day. Another strategy: Put a pair of rolled socks in a shoebox for each day you will be gone. Tell the child to take out a pair each day: When the shoebox is empty, you’ll be back.

Lipstick kisses. Leave “lipstick” kisses on an index card on each child’s bed: The kids get mom’s goodnight kisses even when she’s away.

Arrange for breaks for the sitter, especially if grandparents have taken the job. Play dates at someone else’s house are ideal. Also arrange for backup for the backup sitter—in case the sitter gets sick or has a family emergency.

Make the time apart special for the kids, especially preschoolers and grade schoolers, whether that means a trip to their favorite ice cream place, toy store, playground or movie. This is not the time to quarrel about what they eat.

Go over safety guidelines with everyone. Make sure older kids understand the ground rules—what’s permissible and what’s not.

Come back tomorrow for a list of amazing resources on how to plan the best romantic trip ever!