Is it okay to carry momentos of old girlfriends or ex-wives around with you? What constitutes emotional infidelity?

April writes:

My husband, who I have been married to for almost two years has what we call a “Samantha Box.” This is an old clarinet case with every note, picture, and sentiment that he received from his high school girlfriend…He acts like it’s all innocent, and that he doesn’t have “feelings” for her….but I am just not sure. We are actually really happy together, and I don’t feel threatened as much as I used to. When he went to his parents house over the weekend, he brought back the box and said, “I thought I would bring it back and we could have a little bon-fire.” Now I don’t know if I want to “burn” it because I think I would feel bad about erasing memories. I don’t have anything like that from ex-boyfriends, even my high-school sweetheart… but my exes make my husband look GOOD…so I would have no problem getting rid of the memorabilia.

The question has been edited for length.

Funny, when I asked my wife about this, she implied that if I had a “Samantha box” that I would probably be in mortal danger…and I believe it.

When I asked our older room mate, however, she said “What’s the big deal? It was years ago, right?”

I suppose it’s all in how you look at it, and that’s just the key here. Your husband should respect your boundaries. He should be putting you first at every turn, and I can honestly see how keeping this momento is a sort of emotional infidelity. If it makes you really uncomfortable, then why does he still need it around?

In your case, he’s already offered to burn the thing. Obviously he wants to put your first and care about your emotions. Why would you not be okay with that? It’s difficult enough to maintain a working marriage through the tough times. Doing this together can be a bonding moment, and uplifting moment that brings you closer.