How to Change Your Thinking on Marriage

This is the first post in a series of guest posts from different female bloggers around the net.
The ideas for these posts sprang from the question, "What do wives wish good husbands
knew?"  This post is by Glorybeam, author of the blog, "Why I Love My Husband."

“You never…” (take me out; compliment me; help with the
housework, etc.)

“You always…” (go out with your friends; put me down; make a
mess, etc.)

Without realizing it, I had fallen into the trap of all-or-nothing  thinking.  I had a negative perspective, filled with
pessimistic thoughts, towards my relationship with my husband, and towards life.  I was caught in a
downward spiral of depression.

Alaska is a land of extremes — severe cold and darkness throughout  much of the year, and endless
daylight for a short summer. Long, dreary, dark, winter days play havoc on the minds of people;
alcoholism, depression, and suicide are rampant.

I came to Alaska, knowing that I struggled with depression. My father, a minister, had been diagnosed
with severe clinical depression, and died at age 48, ending a life of pain and disability. I grew up
reading my father’s counseling books, and going to counseling. I had met my husband, a future minister,
at Bible School, and together we ministered to others. With fifteen years of marriage and ministry
behind us, we knew that a calling to Alaska, “The Final Frontier,” would be no easy task.

Going into our third winter, I rapidly descended into the vortex of  depression.  I sought help from
every direction, from the medical profession, psychological counseling, behavioral coaching, and
spiritual intervention. I believe that healing came because of my intense motivation for relief, along
with treatment from professionals, and most of all, the attribution of God’s Divine power
to change and heal.  I also believe that one powerful tool was deeply effective in healing not only my
mind but also my marriage.

As I was browsing the web, I came across a blog one day, called “Why I hate my husband.”
My jaw dropped, as I read the daily rants about the stupidity and crassness of the man this woman
had (willingly?) married. What a sad story! Yet, just that morning I had been thinking  negatively about
my own relationship with my husband. I decided, then and there, to put into action a thought I had about
focusing on the good things.

I have always written letters in journal-form, to God, to people I was angry with or offended by, and mostly,
to my husband.  Before we were  married, I had compiled a notebook full of letters, never sent. It was
good therapy. So, I set about to start another notebook, online — a  journal for the world to read. But this
time I planned to force myself to write about 100 reasons why I love my husband.

Before I was even one-third of the way through my goal, an amazing  thing happened.  I started to love my
husband even more! It was quite evident to my husband, of course, and he was most thankful for the
transformation.  He started telling our friends about my blog. Only then did I realize how powerful and
instrumental my blog had been in changing my perspective. It was good therapy!

Tagged as: Guest Post, marriage advice, relationship advice