Work was ending yesterday and I was excited because I was heading out with a coworker for an evening of watching manly men beat each other with their fists (UFC is a guilty pleasure). Before logging off of my work computer I checked my personal email.
Message from my wife. She was asking me to come home for a while before I headed out with my friends. She wasn’t feeling well and needed a little tender loving care.
At this point, like most men, several thoughts run through my head. “She knew I had plans this evening … What could be this important … Is she actually ill …” and, of course, the king of these kind of thoughts, “What would happen if I didn’t go home…?”
All of these thoughts passed through my head in a moment. I turned to my coworker and told him that my wife needed me to come home and I would catch up to him later. He was kind enough to not even laugh at me (He’s married and therefore understands…I think).
As some of you know, my wife has a chronic heart condition. After I got home my wife really was rather unwell. She had a bad day. I sat with her and listened to her for about 45 minutes. I just sat and listened, and after she asked questions I made her laugh a little, then made a few suggestions. I didn’t try to fix her problem and I mostly just listened, held her, and made sure she knew that I cared.
By the time we were done, she was smiling and laughing. She even thanked me profusely for coming home and for caring and being kind, acknowledging that she knew that I had plans that evening and didn’t want to keep me from them any longer. It wasn’t that the problem was all gone, but that she felt listened to and cared about.
All told, it took about 90 minutes from the time I walked in the door. After I left, I made it to the UFC fight on time to catch the whole thing and had a great time.
I share this story not because I want to toot my own horn, but because it was a wonderful day in my married life. It was simple, easy, and it brought my wife and I both great joy.
How could you not love that?
The thing is, this story makes it seem so simple. It almost makes our marriage seem perfect. While our marriage is wonderful, it took a lot of work to get to that point, and it’s not perfect yet. Last month I wrote a post about the duties of a husband. In that post I mentioned that your spouse has to be a higher priority than your work, volunteer organizations like church, or your social calendar. The only thing that comes before your spouse is God, and taking care of your self.
Putting my wife first is something that I had to learn the hard way. Shortly after we were married I was working at a retail job and had the responsibility of closing up the store. My wife was really upset and not feeling well and she called and asked me to come home right away. I told her I couldn’t because I had to close the store. We got into a big fight about it on the phone and when I eventually did get home, we fought about it more. It was a sore spot in our marriage for months afterward.
In retrospect I see that the mistake was mine. Of course my wife has to come before my job (it’s not like I was performing surgery on someone), and of course my wife should come before fight night with the guys.
It seems obvious, but I can say the difference between the two situations is that at some point I made the decision to put her first. There have been many instances when I have needed to put my wife first since that early point in our marriage, and every time I put her first, I have never regretted it. I have, however, regretted the times that I did not put her first.
I said it before, and I’ll say it again: No one ever gets to the end of their life and says, “I wish I had spent more time on my career.”
I went to bed last night with a clear conscience, peace of mind, and a loving wife next to me. I am grateful that I made the choices I did and hope to make the same ones in the future.
