I have to give credit to Elder M. Russell Ballard for this post. At last weekends General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints he gave a talk about how couples with kids can help each other out. Since this blog is about being a better husband, I thought I better share his insights as they relate to men.
To paraphrase Elder Ballard, children are only with parents for about 18 – 20 years. In today’s terms that’s right around just a quarter of their lives. After the kids move away, you need to still be able to live with each other. Here are four suggestions to make this happen:
Show extra appreciation. Notice things, guys. If she cleaned the house, notice it and say something. If dinner is done when you get home, or shortly after, say something. Taking care of kids is a lot of work and if she’s been home all day with the kids, or you’ve been away for a few days, take the time to look around and see what she’s done, then tell her you appreciate it.
Take time to talk with her about each child. Your wife probably understands the kids better than you do anyway, so you should take the time to talk to her about each child individually. Find out what she thinks of each child, what that child’s needs are and what the child is excelling at. Take the time to talk about how to help the child, and how you can help her with her duties as a mother.
Help your wife get away. Whether your wife is a full time mother or not, she deserves some time away now and again. Send her away every once in a while. Tell her to spend some time with girlfriends, go get a facial or manicure, or to just have some quiet time alone. If you just do this without being asked, it’ll make you look even better. Watch the kids for her, and make sure the house isn’t a disaster when she gets back. Believe me, guys, she’ll appreciate it. She’ll also show her appreciation.
Take an active role in the family. Similar to talking to your wife about the kids, but going one step even further. Don’t come home from work and ignore your family. They should be your priority. You may need to bring work home some nights, you may need to have some friends over, play video games, or just have some male alone in the cave time, but make sure that your family is not neglected when you do this. Give your wife a kiss on the cheek, let the kids know you love them, and if you can, plan the time you’ll be away from your family in advance, that way everyone knows about it.
That’s pretty much it. Pretty simple. Here is an audio link to the full talk.
