The following is a guest post by Scott Hepburn
We’ve all heard the cliché that a job interview is a lot like courtship. There’s that awkward period when you meet. You get to know each other, loosen up a little, and if there’s a connection, you make a commitment – the marriage of employer and employee.
Of course, a marriage is a lot like a job, too. There are responsibilities, lots of room for growth, and of course, the perks. Good marriages even have performance reviews – temperature checks, if you will.
Last December, my wife Carolyn and I decided to see a marriage counselor. The arrival of our son, Riley, in June had been a big adjustment for us. Parenting brought us closer, in some ways, but drove a wedge between us in others. It was time for some “training.”
One valuable insight we gained is that I had been “underperforming” and that Carolyn had been “overperforming.” She’s a hardcore Type A personality – take charge, get-it-done, have a plan. I’m more the laid back, spontaneous type. And over the first 6 months of parenthood, those traits had become exaggerated.
As Carolyn grew more task-obsessed, I retreated to my cave and became uncommunicative. I grew irritated with her inability to relax. She got frustrated that I wouldn’t take on some of the workload. We didn’t fight, per se, so much as dislike each other. I even threatened to leave. I still regret that.
With Dr. Matt’s help, we found our way back to each other. She gave me more freedom; I now have a weekly “Guy’s Night.” In turn, I learned to be more responsible – around the house and emotionally. We have daily temperature checks to foster communication. Most importantly, we’ve learned to recognize each other’s needs.
If you’ve ever had a job you hated, you know how hard it is to drag yourself out of bed. That’s where our relationship was. But with a little hard work, we realized we were both responsible for the breakdown and we committed to working past it. It was the best career decision I’ve ever made.
Scott Hepburn is a veteran copywriter for PRstore, a full-service retail marketing franchise with 41 stores in 18 states. He has been married for six years and, much to his surprise, hasn’t been kicked to the curb yet. He blogs at http://prstore.typepad.com.
