This is a guest post from Lissie, my beautiful wife, over at The Fascinating Woman.
score in the bathroom. More room and more time, who doesn’t love that? I grew up in a household with eight women – and only one bathroom. Getting married was a revelation in the glories of pampering. I had space for make-up, and skin creams and hair products and time to luxuriate in a bubble bath. From experience, I can promise that if you give yourself permission to revel in this newfound freedom your husband will respect – even want it for you – and he’ll take reasonable steps (read: hang up the wet towel, lower the seat, rinse the hair bits from the sink) to ensure that you remain blissfully feminine.
The Fine Line: Just because he lets it be “your” room don’t make him feel like he’s entered enemy territory; put your unmentionables away, stock bars of plain soap, allocate him his own area.
opening jars. There’s just something so reassuring about having someone around who can open the tough jars, reach the high shelves, move the heavy items and give piggy back rides. The best thing you can do here is let your husband help you and praise him lavishly when he does. My husband loves to be praised, but the words would get stuck in my throat or garbled by my tongue from lack of familiarity. So for a while I went overboard-on purpose-when he went outside to get my something from the car I’d say, “Look at my strong man going out to brave the elements for his little delicate wife. Such nice strong, rippling muscles to bring me the milk. And see how thorough he is, even putting away the milk and closing the door.” Take my word for it, it works.
The Fine Line: If you’re asking for help every few minutes you’ve taken it too far, either move things from the high shelf or get a step ladder. Of course you can-and should-ask, but just like you don’t want to be a short-order cook he doesn’t want to be a piece of heavy machinery.
warming. Even if you don’t know the scientific reason men are generally warmer than women (and actually shouldn’t it be the other way around since women have more body fat?) – the fact remains that men are generally warmer than men. When you borrow the sweater off his back it smells like him and it’s really, really warm. Or when you get in bed you have a really good reasoning for snuggling – so he can warm you up (warning: this can lead to him really warming you up). My good husband will even lie on my side of the bed to warm it up for me. I get warm bedding and he gets to be cooled off on his side – we both sleep better. It’s a win-win. So don’t complain that you’re so cold, just ask to be warmed up.
The Fine Line: Just because you want to walk around the house in December in shorts and a tee shirt doesn’t mean it’s fair to turn the thermostat way up (what’s he going to do walk around naked and still sweat?) You can wear more clothes. And there’s always exercise, intense house cleaning, baking, or a hot bath to warm you up as well.
taking out the trash. There’s something about smelly, heavy, exposure to the elements tasks that just screams “man!” (Although that ought to mean that men change more diapers . . .) Growing up I had to take out the trash on the days I did the dishes, but when it was bitterly cold or just plain gross I could usually sweet talk my younger brother into doing it for me – just call him a strapping boy and promise to make cookies for him later. I find that the same approach works on a husband (and I don’t want to hear any flip about “rewarding him” we reward dogs for sitting and husbands are way nicer to have around) An added tidbit: sweetly asking at the same time day after day means that he’ll eventually make a routine of it. Though I suggest you continue to be appreciative and regularly make cookies.
The Fine Line: Don’t nag! And don’t do it yourself. There have been two instances where the trash was left waaaaaay too long. Once in the bathroom and once in the kitchen. Instead of taking it out myself or nagging I just ignored it. There has been no problem since.
