Do your male emotions get in the way of a successful marriage?What do you fear in your marriage or about your marriage?
I have always feared that somehow my wife would wake up and realize that she can do better than me. I’m not the smartest guy, nor the best looking. I grew up in a family situation that was less than ideal, and as such I feel like I often make mistakes that are just unbelievable in retrospect.
I think many men are amazed that their wives put up with them on a day to day basis. What with all of the feminists out there telling women they can go it their own and they don’t need a man to be secure.
It’s amazing, sometimes, how that fear drives me. I can honestly say that sometimes (not all the time, but sometimes) it’s not so much love that motivates me to do all the little things in my marriage that make it work, but fear. I fear that if I don’t spend an evening with her when I really just want to be left alone that her feelings will be hurt and our marriage damaged.
This has been a difficult post for me to write. It’s taken me several attempts over several days, and liberal use of the backspace key. Why is it so difficult for men to admit what they are afraid of?
When I was in drama school I went through some seriously challenging exercises in acting classes where we had to reveal some of our deepest fears and be able to deal with them. When in that kind of situation it’s amazing how supportive my fellow students and actors were. We all cried together and helped each other out. We gave each other suggestions and took advice that was given.
In this online community, however, it is a little more difficult to open up, and if it’s difficult for me, then I have to understand that it may be even more difficult for all of the other men out there who are walking around with tremendous burdens on their shoulders. We all know that a burden shared is a burden halved, but it’s still a scary thing to share our fear.
I fear to share because I fear being humiliated or being seen as less than a man.
If what we want is for our fear to be assuaged and our burdens to be made lighter, then we must risk that humiliation. It takes risk to achieve our goals. Men are taught to risk in business, in play, but not emotionally. That’s too dangerous for most of us.
It would be ideal if AGoodHusband.net were a place where men were able to open up and ask questions about their relationships that they don’t dare talk about in other places. I hope that can happen, but if not I understand. I put the time into writing posts like these because I hope that it will inspire other men to participate in the discussion.
So, men, what do you think? What are your biggest fears in your relationships?
