This is a guest post from Lissie at The Fascinating Woman.

First off, there is no such thing as a “time of the month.” It does not matter that you have years of evidence to counteract my statement. Want a smooth home life? Then there is no time of the month, instead there are bad days, even a bad week or two. Everybody has those - even men.

Secondly, the only way to make real strides with your wife’s behavior on her bad days is to give her the loving support she needs on her good days. The areas with the biggest impact will be listening ( i know, groan,) general helpfulness and speaking her love language.

Listening. Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard, “you never listen!” Great! Which of course means that you are capable of listening, otherwise you wouldn’t have known to raise your hand, right? Here’s a secret, “you never listen” is code for “you don’t give me your undivided attention when I’m talking to you” and “you aren’t remembering what I said which must mean that I’m way less important to you than the guys on Sports Center, so why don’t you just marry them! They can clean your dirty socks!” But those are both a bit long, so instead we say, “you never listen.”

Here’s what you do to fix the problem. Every day-every single day-you give your wife 10 minutes of your undivided attention. Set a timer. Maybe it will be at the same time, maybe not, but it must be every day and it must be undivided - no playing with the dog, looking at Facebook, catching the basketball highlights, scanning the newspaper - UNDIVIDED attention. Then you listen. When 10 minutes is up you’re “off the hook.” She can finish her sentence, but not start a new one. Do this for one month and two amazing things will happen - your wife will talk less and you’ll remember what it is she said.

When she’s having a bad day set the timer for 30 minutes, or have several 10 minute sessions. She will get upset. She will say something like, “I’m not a boiled egg. I don’t have a timer on my feelings or on how long I want to talk.” Just let it roll right off you. Tell her you love her and of course she’s not a boiled egg (resist the impulse to make a joke here…RESIST IT!). Tell her it has nothing to do with her, you just love her so much you want to make sure that you are giving her your undivided attention - which can only last so long. She’ll sniff and say something like, “You seem fine to give your undivided attention for three hours to a game.” I know she’s just baiting you, but don’t bite, instead take a deep breath and say, “what do you want me to do?” “I don’t know,” she’ll plaintively say. Think of how much you wanted to be with this woman forever and gently say to her, “would you like a bath, or some pizza, should we watch a movie, etc.” This is the correct response. Offer something she generally likes but won’t involve you having to listen anymore - what’s that? Yes, this is the same tack you used while you were dating. Yes, it still works.

General Helpfulness. This means something different to every woman. But I bet you know the ones that matter to your woman. Go on, tick them off. (Let’s see . . . be home on time, take the trash out, clear the table when I’m done, put the socks in the dark colors hamper, hang up my towel, return library books on time, etc.) Here’s how it works, imagine you’re a supervisor or you work in some sort of hierarchal environment, now imagine that almost every day the same employee won’t put the paperwork in the right slot, won’t put the tools back in the toolbox, won’t speak kindly to the customers, etc. Is he your favorite? Of course not.

Speaking Her Love Language. I understand that “A Good Husband” already recommended The Five Love Languages. It’s an excellent book, but you don’t necessarily need to read the whole thing, instead take the quiz. Only the really confused won’t know what their love language is. Personally, I like to be praised, to be helped, to have quality time with my husband, to receive love letters and chocolates and I may be sad on occasion if I’m not getting enough, but the only thing that is going to make me really crabby is not being touched enough. For this reason I tend to be clingy when I’m having a bad day (or standoffish but it’s really obvious which way I’m feeling) I mean attached at the arm, side, hip and leg clingy. Can’t get enough attention. It happens every time, but it happens much, much more if during the preceding weeks I wasn’t touched enough. For this reason my husband’s go-to response when I won’t be comforted is, “May I give you a foot rub?”

Thirdly, and lastly, sometimes you just need reinforcements. Which means other women, something sweet (usually chocolate,) and something salty. If she won’t call her friends you can call them for her - she may even be annoyed with you at first, but it’ll pass. (If her friends are busy though don’t tell her you called them and they couldn’t come, not unless you want a gelatinous mess of her tears, your sweat and ground up tooth enamel to deal with.) When she isn’t having a bad day encourage her to hang out with her girl friends (or to make some.) Depending on the woman it may take some time. Remain encouraging, it’s in your best interest. A woman who regularly has time with uplifting girl friends is generally happy, cheerful, kind and less talkative at home.

For Wives:

Just because he now remembers what you said does not mean that he agrees with you, that’ll have to be worked out on it’s own. But don’t accuse him of “never listening” instead say what you actually mean, example: “the fact that you refuse to ever buy me something I want for my birthday makes me feel like you don’t care. if you want to surprise me on my birthday then I would like to receive other gifts, or at least spending money, throughout the year”

Praise his helpfulness. Any helpfulness.

Respect his time and attention. Ask politely on days you need more attention, and don’t ask when he’s in the middle of something. If after three months you find that you need a larger chunk of undivided attention daily, ask for it politely. Be aware though, what you really might need is something else. Like for everyone to eat dinner together at the table. Or to go out on dates. Or to have the children spend two-four hours quality time with their Father so you can have quality time with yourself. (Start with two hours, and add more.)

Get a pain reliever that helps you if you need it. Personally, I use Pamprin Multi-Symptom, and I take at least one every day during “that” week to help me be more rational. Also, if your method of birth control is making things worse consider getting a different one.

Have girl time. You need it. Your husband needs you to have it. Have girl time.