Marriage Advice From A Man
7 Jan

Women are looking for ways to help their husbands play less Xbox. I’ve received a fair amount of traffic to this post from people typing these searches:
It’s not that women want their husbands to stop playing altogether, but that many men are playing far too much. Well, I asked, how much is too much? I began taking informal surveys of women around me, young and old and came up with a few insightful responses.
One woman said that she read once in Ann Landers that anytime an activity takes time away from things that are important to you and you can’t change how much time you’re spending on it, then you’re addicted to it. Pretty good way to sum it up, if you ask me.
Another woman said that it’s not so much that her husband plays Xbox (or other video games) too much, it’s just that he spends more time on video games than he spends on her.
That’s the important point. She’s not concerned about the activity, but about her.
Men, this is what we have to understand. Our wives aren’t the whining nags that we sometimes think they are. They are sweet, beautiful, lovely women who crave attention from the man that they chose to devote the rest of their lives to. You.
Realizing this, I started asking some of my married guy friends about this problem. In typical guy fashion, the conversation wasn’t very long, but informative nonethless.
One male friend mentioned that while Xbox is just a game or a thing to do, it is also a way of escaping. Women for most part are relationship oriented, they deal with their problems by talking about them. Men deal with their problems by holing up in their cave until they have thought it out, or they’ve distracted themselves enough from the problem that it doesn’t seem as large anymore.
One friend even went so far as to say that if he didn’t have video games, his relationship with his wife and children would suffer. Why? Because when he has a long day at work, then comes home and helps with the kids, plays with them, listens to his wife for a while and shows her he cares about her, he needs some time to himself because he hasn’t been able to unwind and release the stress of the day yet. He does that by escaping into another world where he gets to be a hero or at least a superman of some kind.
Every man needs to feel appreciated and heroic. Video games fulfill this need in some strange, small way. Just enough to release the stress that comes from a regular day of slaying dragons.
So then the question that I come to, which I posed before (and still never really answered), is this: how much time is too much time in front of the video game console?
I think different couples have to work it out in different ways, but it’s true that it has to be worked out. The majority of video game players are over age 30. Halo 3 showed that video games can have bigger opening weekends than some movies. These statistics show that video games are quickly becoming a major part of our entertainment choices. Just like any other issue that comes up in a relationship, if it’s important to one spouse, then it should be treated with respect by the other.
Some suggestions for Good Husbands:
Some suggestions for wives:
We could use your suggestions. I’m sure I haven’t thought of everything, so I’d love to hear how you sorted it out in your relationships, or how you would sort it out.
11 Responses for "My Husband Plays Xbox too Much: The Xbox Conundrum: Part II"
Hey there! I just read your article on how to deal with my husbands video gameing. I want to thank you for this infomation. I have been really mean to my husband in the past about his gameing, not realizing that he is just releasing his stress from the day. Dont get me wrong my husband is wonderful and he does yell out at me “I LOVE YOU BABY!!!” from the other room occasionally when he is playing. I just always thought guys had this invisable button that was hard wired in them to not let anything bother them. When in acuality guys have things that bother them they just vent it differently! Thanks again for giving me a different point of view! I think I will be less pissy about his gameing now because I finally realized that he isnt trying to avoid me he is just trying to relax after his hard day! Thanks again!
Debra
College Station
Great article. I still want to know how much is too much video game time? Is it 4 hours every day -and I mean every day. My husband works from 7pm to 1am and when he comes home he winds down with a video game or 2 for about 4 hours. We have kids that go to school, I work 9-5. We need him during the day but his night schedule because of the vieo games till 3am or 4am becomes an all night schedule. On his nights off we never go to bed together because he’s playing video games till4am. Am I wrong to complain?
my husband he play to much XBOX……..!!! I HATE THAT FUCKING GAME ….!! HE DONT SPEND TIME WITH ME AND OUR BABY
!! PLEASE I NEED HELP !!
My husband plays Halo all the time. Although he has gotten better, he still spends a good 20-35 hours a week attached to the x-box. It was once to a point that I wanted to leave him, I mean who wants to spend their life with an immature child? We have kids and they seldom got attention because all he wanted to do was shoot the enemy. Now on most days, he spends a few hours with us before he connects himself to the TV. Although right now he is passed out because he played Halo 3 until he had to go to work this morning.
My husband and I are 20 years old,he works and plays xbox, I get pissed off when I want to buy something for myself or our baby he makes a big deal like “I don’t wanna drive and “you can only waste this much…” but when a new game comes out BAM! there he goes without consulting me wasting like there’s no tomorrow on games and stuff for xbox…once his xbox broke and bought a new one the same day…tht was like 300 bucks…idk…and he won’t help me with our baby or laundry or anything or take me out (always makes excuses and gets on xbox live..) I love him but I dnt knw wat to do..he gets mad everytime I bring it up.
I am so tired of arguing with my husband about how much he should be able to play. Literally I am exhausted of fighting him over it, it’s so rediculous. I told him he should be able to play 2-3 days a week (2-4 hours a time) and he thinks I am being way too harsh. I am seriously fed up. I hate it, it is ruining my marriage and how I feel about him.
You know, I wouldn’t mind so much if my husband actually made time for ME and things to do WITH ME. We are in therapy to improve our communication but when I “communicate” about him playing too much, he says I’m trying to control him. If I say it’s ok, but get pissed after 4 consecutive hours when I’ve worked my ass off, then I’m not “communicating” to him what I really want. I HATE VIDEO GAMES AND I WISH THAT I HAD NEVER ALLOWED THE XBOX IN MY HOUSE!!! I used to have a romantic husband that liked to spend time with me but for the past 8 months it’s like having an extra moody teenager in the house. Thanks a lot Microsoft. The wives of the world really appreciate your “escape”.
Hi, I have been married 11 years and I am ready to give it up. My husband plays the PS3 sun up to sun down. When I ask him about spending time with me it creates an argument. He has cheated on me with three differnt women and all. I am trying to live by the vows but it is getting hard and I am feeling like God has abandon me. Whatever I say about the game he goes into a rage. He gets up go to work, come home, take a bath and then plays the game. This is 365 days a year. I get no birthdays, anniversaries, holidsays not anything. And again if I say something it creates an argument. To top it off He don’t want me to leave the house , have no company, havie no fun with the kids.
Please tell me, I really dont care anymore. And ladies please don’t end up like me a OLD MOTHER HUBBARD.
No Life
i’m so sick of the *uckin* xbox. I feel like i’m living with a grownup son, rather than a partner. He says he’s just enjoying his xmas. Me and our baby are not even considered. Selfish *astar*.
My husband is almost 42-years-old. He might as well be 14. Listening to him curse, demean others, yell, scream snotty, sarcastic remarks while playing Halo does not make me want to be around him. Then he uses that attitude and tone with me. He works from the house and plays on his lunch time…sometimes for FAR longer than any lunch hour than I have ever heard of being allowed at any company. He won’t answer the phone while he’s playing so when I had a car emergency and tried to call home, he never answered the phone. Disgusting…and he wonders why our sex life suffers?! Sorry, I’m an over-40-year-old woman and I would prefer to have back the mature, responsible husband that I knew a few years ago.
My husband plays call of duty and has befriended some men he shared his cell # with. One of them is gay, and has texted sexual innuendos to my husband. My husband says it’s “just the way this guy jokes with everyone” but it makes me very uncomfortable, even though the guy lives in another state.
I feel like these strangers are in my home. My husband plays xbox more than anything else other than sleeping or working. I never said a word until he gave those men his phone number. Now I’m thinking of leaving him.
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