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This year I have only three goals. One of them is to be there for my wife as she pursues her dreams. She has recently had a renaissance in her life and has expressed to me her desire to accomplish certain things. It is easy, when someone reveals their Big Dream, to express dismay and doubt that someone can accomplish something that big.

I think that the way that I can show her I love her is by being there for her, encouraging her every step of the way. I can’t do these things for her, or even really give advice on how it’s done. Instead, I must resolve myself to always be positive, never doubt her.

While the physical resources that I can provide her are limited, I will do what I can in that area.

The emotional resources, however, I can provide far more of. I can pick her up when she’s down. I can be excited and enthusiastic when she shares her successes. I can listen, refrain from giving advice, and offer a shoulder to cry on when she shares her failures. While I can’t make all the hurt go away, I can certainly be her safe place to land. I can make sure I never hurt her more than the world will already hurt her.

Very few women are as spiritually and emotionally strong as my wife. Her strength has been forged through years of trial more difficult than most people can imagine. I can give her this gift in the New Year - I will be there for her.

Each year my wife and I have a tradition where we write each other a letter.  While I don’t actively maintain this site anymore, I thought a few of you might be interested in knowing that I still love my wife, and we are still happy to be with each other.  Here’s my anniversary letter to my wife this year.

Dearest Wife,

Several people have asked me about the seven year itch.  Not the Marilyn Monroe Movie, but the idea that seven years is the time when married couples start to feel constrained by their bonds of marriage.  I can honestly say I haven’t given the idea a second thought, other than to laugh at the idea that our marriage could somehow be constraining me.

As an artist, I’ve learned that you can’t just create willy-nilly without some sort of objective.  That objective forces constraints and those constraints are what bring true creativity.  Working within the bounds of medium bring a focus, a determination, and a platform from which to work.

So it is with our marriage.  We have the goal of being together forever, happily.  We know that after we pass on, if we have lived worthily, our spirits will be bonded together eternally in the hereafter as man and wife.  We know that true happiness comes from sharing life’s experiences together, and because we know these things, we strive to achieve that eternal happiness.

Over the last year I’ve changed jobs, you’ve graduated, and our lives have started to settle into a sort of beautiful rythim.   While I know that the peaceful state we’re in may only last a few months before the winds of change blow us into a new chapter, I appreciate knowing that we have a routine.

I love you now more than when we were first married.  While that first year was tough, it seems so much smaller now than it did even last year.  I feel so free with you, so happy.  I can share with you my deepest thoughts, my loveliest desires, and know that you will hold them safe in your heart.

Those who have not experienced the joy of being married can perhaps never know the safety, security, and peace that come from knowing that both parties are totally committed to each other, no matter what happens.  No matter how sick you are, no matter how frustrated I might become with work, we stick together and see each other through every tough situation.  I love you for that and hope each day that I can show you a little bit of that love.

It’s easy to find you sexy because you are.  While some may laugh and say that it’s because we’ve been together so long, you give me goosebumps sometimes…and I love it.

You are my darling.  My fresh, exquisite, beautiful, pristine darling wife and I am grateful each morning when I wake up next to you.  Seven years or seventy, your love is my treasure and I’ll never throw that away.

I love you, and happy anniversary.

A Good Husband

Sadly, I will no longer be writing new articles for A Good Husband, effective immediately.

I want to take a moment to thank all of you for your time, talent, and contributions.  From readers, commenters, and contributors, to advertisers and evangelists, I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to all of you.  Please feel free to share the content that is of use to you with attribution back to this site.

The past 15 months have allowed me to learn more about marriage in general and my relationship with my wife than any other point, and I feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity.

Circumstances have dictated that I focus my time and energy on other projects that have arisen.  I’ve been an actor for years and things are picking up there.  My day job is working for an internet marketing firm, so there’s that, and I’m also still active in other spaces online.  Please feel free to follow me on Twitter to keep up on future projects.

One last thing about marriage:

Love your wife fiercely.  Be overwhelmingly loyal to her.  Because of this blog I have met so many wounded souls who are the victims of terrible choices.  Their stories break my heart and make me wish that I could do more to help.

Even more than those wounded souls however, I have learned that many, many men burn with the desire and intention to make their marriages great.  That knowledge alone gives me hope and courage for the state of marriage.

If you are curious about my next project, check out TheAbundantArtist.com, where I teach artists how to sell art online.

Have you ever been too busy to be married?  You’re busy with work, school, kids, hobbies, and all the other things, and it’s putting a serious strain on your marriage. What do you do?

Is it permanent or just temporary? For many couples there are times when things become extra busy for a short period of time.  Perhaps someone gets sick, or has an extra project at work that takes up more time.  Perhaps a child is involved in a time consuming extra curricular - or perhaps you are.

If there is an end date in sight, then don’t freak out.  Figure out how to cope until the end comes.  You might try picking up a temporary hobby or a fun new TV show until your spouse finishes their project.

If it’s permanent, then you need the advice below even more than if it’s temporary.  If you are regularly away on long business trips, or you have a hobby that takes up a tremendous amount of your time, then you must make even more effort to secure your family ties.

Plan for it. Most of the time, people know when they are going to have a busy time coming.  Many couples fail to plan what they will do with their marriage when that time comes.  Have a college finals week coming up?  Are you an accountant during tax season?  Try to throw in a quick lunch on one or two of those days in a week.  You should integrate a weekly planning session into your activities as a couple so that you know when you can fit it in.

Speak Your Spouse’s Language. If you are a Good Husband, you will regularly check in with your spouse and see how she is doing, or just let her know you love her.  When you are busy you need to be able to check in relatively quickly.  Do you know how to do that?  Sure, after you’ve been married a while you can communicate a lot in just a few words and some body language, but do you know what communicates love to your spouse most effectively?  Does she like touch, kind words, or little acts of service best?  Whichever one it is, you had better find out.

Spend 30 minutes. Even if you are regularly getting home late at night and you need some time to unwind, you owe it to your spouse to give her 30 minutes of your undivided attention.  Sit down, throw your stuff aside, and give her your full attention.  Set a timer if you need to, but do it.  Ask her about her day, listen, and then tell her about your day.  Express love.  You’ll be amazed at how much you can communicate in 30 minutes and how much better you’ll both feel if you can just focus on each other for a little while.

Be patient. When one spouse is busy with an important project they often feel guilty that they are taking so much time away from the family.  Daddy regrets those long business trips anyway.  Mom, you won’t make the situation better by complaining or pouting when he has to leave.  Give a cheerful smile and a loving kiss when your spouse leaves, and greet them with a smile when they come home.

Little Acts of Service. My wife is a pro at leaving little notes when she knows that she’s going to miss me.  She’ll write a few notes on Post Its, and then put them all over my things.  Sometimes if I’m home for just a few minutes when she’s not, I’ll clean something or take out the trash.

Remember that while you can stop the gap with these little pieces of advice, no amount of success in work, school, or otherwise can make up for failure in the home.  Your marriage is the single most important relationship that you develop in life and everything else is secondary to it.  If you are too busy for months or years on end, you can do damage to your marriage that can take years to repair.

What are your major reasons for being too busy?  Please share with the community what makes you busy and how you strive to balance your family life.

Robert Stadler's Question Mark Installation in Paris

I’m taking an open call for reader questions.  Ask any questions in the comments section below, and I will post my responses as blog posts over the next week.

Any questions are fair game, even personal questions (if you care).  I reserve the right to not answer anything too invasive.

What marriage advice do you need?  What are you dying to know about marriage?  What are you dying to know about your husband or wife?  What are you dying to know about Mormonism, theater, or yours truly?  Let me know!

Today I found out that a friend of mine is getting a divorce.  I haven’t known him very long, but he’s an exceptionally likable person and very, very intelligent.  He also has children that he loves very much and as long as I’ve known him he has always expressed how much he loves them and how fun they are.  As far as I knew, his marriage was good.

Apparently I was wrong.

When my wife and I got married, we had neighbors across the hall that were married a week after we were.  We were both young couples, still in college, and under a lot of stress.  They started fighting almost immediately and ended up divorced after just a couple of months.

The thing that I found disturbing about these divorces is how insecure they make me.  Seeing other people’s marriages dissolve causes me to realize how fragile relationships really are.

So then I have to ask myself.  How can I make this experience a positive one?  What can I learn in order to improve my own marriage and keep it from ending?

Never Assume.  “If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her?”  These lyrics to the Garth Brooks song always make me wonder if I’ve done enough.  I think it’s good if I feel secure in my relationship, but I shouldn’t allow myself to become complacent.  Never assume that just because you are happy that she is too.

Talk with Her. When my wife and I were married, we were told over and over again that communication was the key to a strong and happy marriage.  If I’m feeling bad that friends are getting divorced, then I should talk with her about our own relationship and how we are doing.  Find out what her feelings are.  What is she happy with?  What would she like to see change?

Renew My Commitment. When I married my wife, I made a commitment that it would be for ever.  When I hear about someone I know getting a divorce, it makes me want to renew my dedication to my own marriage.  It’s a matter of pride to me that we’ve been able to stay married, and stay happy, for the last 6+ years.

Be Grateful. I’m exceptionally grateful that my wife still loves me.  I’m grateful that she still calls me her best friend, and I’m grateful that we can still make each other laugh and that we always come to each other first whenever something is difficult.

Realize Their Marriage is Not Mine. It’s easy to look at the number of people getting divorced and be discouraged.  In all reality, it doesn’t matter what happens to other people’s relationships if I am taking care of my own.  Even though it makes me feel insecure, in the end it comes down to what we do with our own relationship, not what others do.

The Icon of Personal Development

Welcome to this week’s edition of the Carnival of Personal Development.  I’m happy and flattered to be able to post this week’s edition.

A note on how I picked entries, and we’ll call this my hat tip to personal development: I picked the first 10 posts that really grabbed me.  There were 68 entrants.  Some were good, some were really bad, and a few were completely off topic.  I read through the entrants until I found one that I felt was directly applicable to my life and I figured if it was applicable to me, then it probably was to someone else as well.  I limited myself to 10 because while reading about Personal Development is all well and good, going out and practicing is even better!

Enjoy this week’s posts!

Want to be a better trainer & leader?  Read Terry Norrington’s Become a Great Leader Using Your Optimism and Motivation.

Since I’m reading a book about Abraham Lincoln right now, I recommend Robert McHenry’s piece on What Abe Lincoln & Charles Darwin had in common.

Gabriel Girl hits the right note on Garage Sales and their cathartic value.  I’m a big fan of cleaning out my place once a year or so, just to get rid of all the clutter that is dragging me down.

Are you worried about someone making fun of you or interrupting you during your public speaking?  Check out Marcus Smith’s Will You Please Shut Up and learn how to maintain control of a room.

It often seems like some people get more done than others.  What’s the secret to being productive?  It’s not that hard, Writing for Your Wealth presents How to Be More Productive.

There is, perhaps, nothing more conducive to a well developed personality than gratitude.  Homemaker Barbi presents The 3 Minute Thank You Card.

One of the ways that we often find ourselves in difficult situations is by failing to act before a situation becomes a problem.  Evolve.Ever presents Be Proactive.

Another way to fall into difficult situations: Procrastination.  Super Sonic Success discusses this very topic in Stop Procrastinating.

After all that reading about being proactive and stomping out procrastination, you need to be a little kinder to yourself.  After all, you can only develop so much at a time.  Quantum Learning presents Have You Never Been Lazy?

End on a positive note.  Things are pretty crazy out there right now, with the world economy in a strange drift.  Momentor’s advice: Control What You Can Control.

This is a guest post from Khara, one of the cool folks over at CSNBaby.com.

Listen up Dads; get your own diaper bag! Gone are the days when Moms and Dads share the same pink, paisley diaper bag. Diaper bag manufacturers have heard the call and come to the rescue with stylish, man-approved diaper bags that seamlessly blend both form and function. Diaper bags are designed to make traveling with baby a breeze, packed with of all the baby essentials.

Choosing the right diaper bag is infinitely easier than choosing, lets say, cribs, where you have safety concerns as well as the style factor to worry about. Let’s outline some of the most popular diaper bags for men.

It used to be that diaper tote bags were the standard, however that’s not the case anymore. Dads can choose from messenger bag-style diaper bags as well as backpack-style diaper bags.

• Messenger Bag Diaper Bags: If you’re a working Dad, chances are you use a messenger bag or a briefcase on a daily basis. Just like a normal messenger bag carries all of your essential work supplies - lunch, newspaper, laptop - a messenger diaper bag carries all of the essential baby supplies you’ll need for a walk in the park or a trip across country.Messenger bag-style diaper bags can include everything from a changing pad, stroller hangers and a refillable wipes holder as well as a space to hold food, bottles and any other baby supplies. With messenger bag diaper bags, it’s all about the extra storage space. Pockets, pockets, pockets! Pockets for diapers, zippered pockets, bottle/sippy cup holders - pockets for everything.These diaper bags are also designed to be comfortable. While it’s a good idea not to over-stuff your diaper bag, choosing a bag with a comfortable padded strap is a must. Messenger diaper bags today are designed with the low-maintenance and stylish Dad in mind. Easy to clean and available in a variety of fabrics, colors, patterns and prints, there’s a messenger diaper bag to satisfy even the most discriminating tastes.
• Backpack Messenger Bags: Another diaper bag option Dads have is the backpack diaper bag. The biggest advantage of these bags is more storage space. Again, it’s important that you not over-stuff the diaper bag with non-essentials but this is a viable option for plane travel as well as outdoor family activities. Easier on the back, backpack diaper bags provide more support than the messenger bag-style which sits on the shoulder.Backpack diaper bags come with all of the benefits of messenger bag diaper bags with more pockets and storage space. There are generally at least two bottle holders which makes for easier traveling. Heavy duty, weather resistant and easy-to-clean fabrics are commonplace with back pack diaper bags. Also, just as with the messenger-bag style, there’s a fantastic variety of colors and patterns available for Dads to choose from.If you don’t like the look and feel of a standard double strap backpack diaper bag, consider a mono strap diaper bag. Just as stylish and durable as the double strap variety, mono strap backpack diaper bags can be slung over the shoulder but won’t slip off like a messenger bag might, held in place with Velcro or snaps.

Whether you consider yourself to be fashionably aware or not, your diaper bag options have just expanded. Just make sure you choose one that fits you and has ample storage space for all of your needs. Daddy diaper duty has never been so stylish!

What do you all think?  What kind of diaper bags do you prefer?  Name names, brands, and styles in the comments below.

Have an income that’s too low. The surest way to fight over money is not have any.  When the major source of stress in your life is not being able to pay your bills, it’s a guarantee that you will fight over how the money you do have is spent.  I remember when we were both in college and there were many times that we didn’t have enough to cover our bills.  We were forced to make choices like, “Do we pay rent, buy groceries, or make a car payment?  We can’t do all three.”

Solution: Get a better job.  Seriously.  That’s what did it for us.  I graduated from college, got a job, and we don’t struggle for basic needs any more.

Spend more than you earn. This is an insidious habit that many people struggle with.  It was easy, up until about 9 months ago, to take on more house, more car, and more credit card debt than you could afford.  Now that loan requirements have tightened up it’s more difficult to get a mortgage or car loan, but it’s still relatively easy to rack up credit card debt.  Steve Martin & Amy Poehler know all about not buying stuff you can’t afford.

Solution: Use credit cards only in an emergency, pay cash for most things, and make a budget.

Keep secrets. This one applies especially to couples.  Often one person in the relationship has made a purchase that they know the other would not be okay with, so they endeavor to cover it up.  The pay for it in cash, or they tell their partner it was something else when the credit card statement comes.  The problem becomes critical when the spending begins to interfere with the ability to pay the bills and put food on the table.  If there’s no easy way to figure out where the money is going, then the problem just gets worse.  This problem is often associated with drug, gambling, infidelity, and alcohol problems.

Solution: Allow each other open access to bank account and credit card info.  Discuss finances often and make goals together.  Hold each other accountable on a regular basis, and it becomes harder to keep secrets.

Ignore your budget. It doesn’t do any good to make a budget each month if you don’t actually stick to it.  This was a problem that I had early in my marriage.  It takes discipline and that’s something that I lacked when it came to money.  It has to be learned.  Just because you want something in the moment doesn’t mean you should throw out your plans.  Decide you are going to save for it and then purchase it after you have the money.

Solution: My wife and I started paying for everything in cash.  We took all our money out of the bank each month and put it into envelopes marked Rent, Groceries, Car Payment, etc.  It worked.  We only carried around money that we had allotted as spending money, and when that was gone, there was nothing to spend.

Ignore your bills. Something I still struggle with, even though I’m much more financially solvent.  There’s a certain element of growing up that is required here. My wife would get upset at me in past because there would be a stack of unopened mail on my desk because I knew that they were bills and I didn’t want to pay them.

Solution: When a bill comes, pay it.  If you can’t pay it, call them and make arrangements.  Then continue paying them.  Most creditors are pretty reasonable and are willing to work with you to make the payments.

Here it comes.  V-Day.  Chocolates.  Roses.  Schmaltzy quotes and Hallmark cards.  Valentine’s Day.  My wife and I have always had fun on Valentine’s Day.  Up until this year, we’ve been financially poor, but relationship rich.  I never had to buy her love with a diamond ring, because we show each other love on a daily basis, but we’ve always celebrated the holiday by doing something special together, just the two of us.

The other day I asked readers, “What is romance?”  First time commenter Steven Fisher made a great point about romance.  It’s not the big events.  It’s buying her flowers for no special reason.  For us, it’s been things like building shelves for her, slow dancing in our apartment, cooking together, or making out while watching Star Trek.

You see, romance, and marriage, is not a single act, but the accumulation of little events and acts of love over the months, years, and decades of a relationship.  I remember as a child admiring men who could honestly say that they were more in love after 25 years of marriage than they were on their wedding day.  I didn’t grow up with that, but I longed for it, and now I can say that I’m well on my way there.

It was a bit of a rocky start, but Lissie and I learned how to communicate with each other.  Every interaction we have now is tinged with a bit of love and romance.  Every time we are together it brightens my mood and makes life a little bit lighter.  Even if we’re just in our apartment together, doing our own seperate thing, it makes life a little bit happier.

Lately I’ve been super busy rehearsing for the upcoming performance of my next play.  I’ve been away from my wife most evenings for the past two weeks.  I can honestly say that no matter what we do for Valentine’s Day (and I have plans…oh, I do) it will be special simply because I’m with her.  Can you say that about your marriage?  I hope so.

Gentlemen, take a moment to reflect on this latter question.  Can you say that your Valentine’s Day will be special simply because you will be with your wife?  If not, what can you do to make the day special for her and for you?